Immodesty and Lust - From a Man's Perspective

[oldzimm]

Oh I agree that God is more interested in what is in the heart, but then where does "causing your brother to stumble" come into play, after all it is God's word?.

 

I like Cobalt's quote, " If she is wearing something too tight, or showing parts of her body that only a husband should see, then that is immodest", seem simple to me. 

 

Oldzimm

[TsukinoRei]

   

Isn't it neat to have such a wide variety of views on a discussion like this?  I think this discussion even came out of another even longer thread about breast feeding!

 

Modesty isn't just subjective between cultures and time periods, it's really subjective between individuals as well.  Even a whole group of people who would consider themselves very modest, like a particular church congregation, can find themselves having differing opinions about what is appropriate to wear and what is not, particularly generationally.  I remember some lovely elderly ladies who would become quite offended by the idea of a woman wearing anything other than a high necked, long skirted, long sleeved dress to church.  My mum made me a whole set of Sunday dresses of that nature.  I was pleased to please the elderly ladies.  One elderly lady wore lovely hats to Church until the day she died, and missed the days when all the other women would as well.  More of the middle-aged women preferred to wear dress pants and blouses.  Sometimes they even wore short sleeves!  Some of the older women disapproved of this at first, but they adjusted to it with grace.   Time marches on.  Jeans are a more common site in Church, where once they would have been scandalous and to some they still are scandalous.  But evangelical Churches have become more concerned with getting bums in seats than dressing the bums up in expensive frills first!

 

I don't wear high necks any more.  I can't stand the feeling of something around my throat or pressing down on my chest.  Even in winter I wear my scarves more loosely than I used to and prefer the cold on my chest to the pressure against it.  That isn't because I want men looking at my chest, it's because since I contracted asthma the extra pressure really bothers me (whether it's psychological or not).  One of the older women I used to attend Church with is a little scandalized by my low necklines.  Most people aren't and talk to my eyes.  My husband had one friend in London who used to talk to my chest if I wore a low neck.  I was like, ew.  For him I always wore high necks!  Lovely guy, but teenager for life.

 

Speaking as a woman who has lived in a city and travelled around in public wearing lots of different outfits I will say that on the few occasions that a man has looked at me lewdly I have known it, I have felt it, and it has made me very very uncomfortable and unhappy.  But mostly, when a man has been attracted to me it has been when I have been smiling, happy, friendly, outgoing, helpful to others, confident.  I don't believe that men as a whole are as shallow as the world would have us believe.  The super model barbie doll walking down the street in high heels and skirt the length of a belt isn't the ideal woman to most men.  Most men.  Adult men. Men who have seen a bit of life and grown enough to know themselves and know their own hearts - they want a best friend and partner.  They want a whole person, not just a pin up model.  Now, if the pin up model with legs up to her shoulders and a dress the size of a belt ALSO has a wonderful personality and shares his interests then that's another story.  

 

Most men talk to my eyes, not to my chest.  Most men are more interested in what I have to say, and the openness and confidence I carry with me.  Which is a really good thing because I suck at fashion!  Most days I just throw on whatever is comfortable and doesn't have stains on it and then forget what I'm wearing.