Have your parent compare you with the others?

[Sevenseas]

 

 

 

That does sound very hurtful Silvia!  I'm sorry that you have to hear things like that.  

 

Well, are your parents Christian also?  If they are, you might show them scripture that says they should not provoke their children and if they are not Christian

you might just ask them why they are trying to hurt you?  Maybe if they knew it hurts they would stop?

 

Anyway, it is a hard lesson to learn and it is good to remember so that if you have children, you will not tell them those things.

 

It would also be very good to know the scriptures that tell you that you are a new creature in Christ

 

Would it help to remind them that you are their child and that you cannot be more beautiful then they are?  Or would that just make them angry?

 

Again, I am sorry you are spoken to like that.  God loves us as we are ~ and He does not love rich or beautiful people more than not so pretty and poor people.

 

my parents are not Christian,i pray to GOD they can be saved,but it is depend on GOD,not me

this is not about religion

my grandmother (who is 90 years' old) is a Christian from her young age

but she acts in this way,too

it is the chinese traditional custom

 

 

 

 

OK...I understand better now...it is like a custom to compare to others...but you are saying it is painful.  Yes, I understand.

 

Yes, you can only pray for your parents.  Again, I am sorry this is hurting you, but God understands.

 

I have the deepest understanding why GOD commanded the Israelites totally got rid of all the Canaanites and why Solomon corrupted when he has the gentile wives ,bcs in the daily spiritual struggle,to keep the Christian faith and credo is too difficult, and sometimes ,very very painful

 

Yes...I understand that also.  Here, in North America, things are too easy for people.  But, that does not change the Bible or what God says.  I understand you are hurting and want to change the way you feel.

 

There are different reasons that someone can hurt...but if a person hurts, it is painful  no matter what is the cause.  

 

Do you know Psalm 62?  Here are a couple of verses:

 

1Truly my soul finds rest in God;

my salvation comes from him.

2Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

 

Can you read the rest?  Do you have a Bible?  or you find it online...perhaps

 

The only comfort I can offer you is to tell you that I care and I know God sees all of what you are going through.  We can tell Him everything about ourselves and we should because

He knows it all anyway.

 

We cannot change another person...and sometimes that would be a good thing....I will ask God to remind me to pray for you.  I really do care.

[Guest LadyC]

i've seen movies and tv shows that depict exactly what you describe... and i always thought "that's just hollywood, stereotyping chinese people". i'm pretty surprised to find out that it really happens! i'm sure that in your culture it's seen as a way to motivate your child to be competitive, to excel, or something... and it just gets passed down from generation to generation because people grow up and do the same things their parents do. but it IS emotionally abusive! i imagine the only thing you can do about it is pray for them! remember that your identity is who you are in CHRIST, not who you are in chinese culture. you are beautiful, marvelously and wonderfully made by your creator, who knit you together in your mother's womb, and who knew everything about you, even to the number of hairs on your head, before you were ever even born.

[silviawang]

 

 

 

 

We cannot change another person...and sometimes that would be a good thing....I will ask God to remind me to pray for you.  I really do care.

thanks

[other one]

It may well be that your parents want you to be the best because they were not. It's really easy to let ones expectations get beyond reality.  It does sound like it's a culture problem there.   doesn't keep it from hurting though.

 

Just a note about looks, that is mostly genetics, so if your parents aren't satisfied with your looks they have only themselves to blame....

 

I do notice that the lady in your avatar is very attractive.  Would look interesting with a little mischievous smile...   that is the photographer in me coming out.

[silviawang]

It may well be that your parents want you to be the best because they were not. It's really easy to let ones expectations get beyond reality.  It does sound like it's a culture problem there.   doesn't keep it from hurting though.

 

Just a note about looks, that is mostly genetics, so if your parents aren't satisfied with your looks they have only themselves to blame....

 

I do notice that the lady in your avatar is very attractive.  Would look interesting with a little mischievous smile...   that is the photographer in me coming out.

of course i am troubled by this problem,but when i visiting the chinese  family forum i feel so happy bcs too many persons troubled by this problem,and even my parents blamed my grandmother about this,especially my mother

give y some link to sense

http://image.baidu.com/i?tn=baiduimage&ipn=r&ct=201326592&cl=2&lm=-1&st=-1&fm=result&fr=&sf=1&fmq=1378265110568_R&pv=&ic=0&nc=1&z=&se=1&showtab=0&fb=0&width=&height=&face=0&istype=2&ie=utf-8&word=%E5%88%AB%E4%BA%BA%E7%9A%84%E5%AD%A9%E5%AD%90

 

i know y can not read chinese,so i give the picture,what i search is "the kids of the others",can google translate the page?

[other one]

 

It may well be that your parents want you to be the best because they were not. It's really easy to let ones expectations get beyond reality.  It does sound like it's a culture problem there.   doesn't keep it from hurting though.

 

Just a note about looks, that is mostly genetics, so if your parents aren't satisfied with your looks they have only themselves to blame....

 

I do notice that the lady in your avatar is very attractive.  Would look interesting with a little mischievous smile...   that is the photographer in me coming out.

of course i am troubled by this problem,but when i visiting the chinese  family forum i feel so happy bcs too many persons troubled by this problem,and even my parents blamed my grandmother about this,especially my mother

give y some link to sense

http://image.baidu.com/i?tn=baiduimage&ipn=r&ct=201326592&cl=2&lm=-1&st=-1&fm=result&fr=&sf=1&fmq=1378265110568_R&pv=&ic=0&nc=1&z=&se=1&showtab=0&fb=0&width=&height=&face=0&istype=2&ie=utf-8&word=%E5%88%AB%E4%BA%BA%E7%9A%84%E5%AD%A9%E5%AD%90

 

i know y can not read chinese,so i give the picture,what i search is "the kids of the others",can google translate the page?

 

 

parts will translate; enough to get an understanding.  I didn't realize it was that much of a problem.  I wonder if the Japanese are doing the same thing?

[silviawang]

i do not know,the Japanese and the chinese share the same culture,but still too many things are very Different

[Guest]

Have your parent compare you with the others?

 

In china, the parents always like comparing their kids with the others:

“oh, look at the neighbor's daughter, she is so beautiful, you are so ugly-looking”

“oh, look at my friend's son, he is so clever, you are so fool”

“oh, look at my co-worker's kid, he earns so much, and you have so poor Wage”

“oh, look at your cousin, he is university degree, and  your are only college”

“oh, look at your sister, she married so rich man, and your boy-friend is so poor”

……

Even you are very beautiful and graduated from the top university and very rich

The Chinese parents always can find someone more excellent than you and by comparing, they cfm y are the loser, most Chinese kids raised in the circumstance like this,

In the Chinese family forum ,you can always find the posts complaining the parents about this

 

I can not say it is the spiritual abuse , but it is really hurts

It's  very terrible feeling when your parent giving these comments on you

As GOD commands “honor and obey your parents”

But how to deal the relationship with the parent like this?

 

 

~

 

Know Who Is

 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalms 139:14

 

Your Father

 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

 

And What

 

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. Romans 8:15

 

To Do

 

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. Matthew 5:44-45

 

~

 

Be Blessed Beloved Daughter Of The KING

 

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

 

And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them. Numbers 6:24-27

 

Love, Your Brother Joe

[DeaneRenata]

Wow my parents never did this...I am so sorry.

 

Yeah I always thought that I was unique, and therefore special, and having this

 

attitude backfired on people that wanted to bring me down because I didn't think the same way about myself that others did.

 

It instilled in my inner strength and a certain confidence in my air if I recall.

 

If others wanted to insult me, for instance, I would silently make fun of it because I told tell myself,

 

"There is nothing wrong with me; this is their problem, not mine, I am fine just the way that I am."

 

It works like a charm. It makes me feel good about myself and it ticks off the opposing party (that's the amusing part).

 

There are some people though who do not have the strength to think positively about themselves though,

 

and for that I would gladly lend my help to assist them with any need they might have.

 

But thinking positively about one's self and having confidence are learned I guess,

 

because I kept telling myself good things over and over again until I started believing them, making my self-esteem go way up.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Skillet1

[Believer1997]

Parents from all cultures can say and do things that are hurtful.  Often, in an effort to make the child more aware and to be a 'better' student or to be more competitive - they use comparison.  There are billions of people on our planet and not a single one of them is exactly like another - we are all different.  I long ago made a decision to walk in the Light of God and turn my back on those who would seek to make me feel inferior or to conform to what their ideas of perfection might be..  HE made me different ... for a reason.  I chose to celebrate those differences and trust that there is a plan for my being made in His image - yet different from all other humans.  You can allow past hurts to keep you in pain and from growing in the future - or you can choose to realize parents can be wrong and that you need grow in the Grace of God and move on so you can be the person He would have you be.  Blessings.