Lonely at church

[GoldenEagle]

Hi everyone. New to worthy. Just did my 5 required post so I could post here. Today is obviously Sunday and I feel a bit isolated I guess from my church brothers and sisters. Here is some background information. I am 30 and was married at 18. I have kids ranging from 1-10. I go to a church that is in a very upper middle class/wealthy area. I feel like I am not connecting with anyone at the church. All my kids friends moms are in their 40s and even 50s. They see me as young but I don't fit in with people my age at church because they are not where I am in life. We also live a distance from the church compared to most members who are close by(which is more of a they have more than I do thing). How do I get more plugged in and develop connections when I don't feel accepted by my peers? I talk to people and put on a good show but I feel really alone at church. It's Sunday again and I feel saddened every week.

 

Have you considered maybe trying to find one or two good friends? Have you spoken to someone at the church about this?

What kind of small groups and/or Bible studies are offered at the church?

Praying for God to send you some good friends you can connet with.

God bless,

GE

[Overflowing]

I have never spoken to anyone from church about my feelings. Honestly, I am embarrassed about it and I really don't need "pity friends" because the Pastor told them to talk to me or something. I really want to find that connection with a few women. 

 

Part of it might be childhood friendships because the church does have generations of members from the same family. A lot of people are related to each other. But being at the church for over 5 years, I have seen a lot of new people come to the church and they are all in their age range and they seem more connected than I am. 

 

I have gone out for coffee and such with some women. But the next time they want to do things that cost money. Not a lot of money but enough to make me not want to go. Examples would be like, hey some girls and I are taking the kids to the amusement park. Things that cost like $100 per event. Or we are going to take the Jump aerobics class that cost $25 per session and they'll go weekly. As I am typing this I am realizing that I have probably "snubbed" someone because I rarely say yes. But I don't know how to say "no" without coming off poor or cheap. The word budget does not exist to many women at the church. I probably have missed out on a lot of opportunities to connect due to this.

 

I have never actually asked God to help me find a few women that I connect with at church until very recently. So, I will pray hard because I know I should not feel this way with the body of Christ. I am hoping my move next year with help me. I will no longer be on the super tight saving budget and can join these other woman at Yoga class. 

 

[GoldenEagle]

I have never spoken to anyone from church about my feelings. Honestly, I am embarrassed about it and I really don't need "pity friends" because the Pastor told them to talk to me or something. I really want to find that connection with a few women. 

 

Part of it might be childhood friendships because the church does have generations of members from the same family. A lot of people are related to each other. But being at the church for over 5 years, I have seen a lot of new people come to the church and they are all in their age range and they seem more connected than I am. 

 

I have gone out for coffee and such with some women. But the next time they want to do things that cost money. Not a lot of money but enough to make me not want to go. Examples would be like, hey some girls and I are taking the kids to the amusement park. Things that cost like $100 per event. Or we are going to take the Jump aerobics class that cost $25 per session and they'll go weekly. As I am typing this I am realizing that I have probably "snubbed" someone because I rarely say yes. But I don't know how to say "no" without coming off poor or cheap. The word budget does not exist to many women at the church. I probably have missed out on a lot of opportunities to connect due to this.

 

I have never actually asked God to help me find a few women that I connect with at church until very recently. So, I will pray hard because I know I should not feel this way with the body of Christ. I am hoping my move next year with help me. I will no longer be on the super tight saving budget and can join these other woman at Yoga class. 

 

I have relatives who experienced the same thing re: not going out or "snubbing" because things cost money. The issue is people stop inviting you if you constantly say no to things. Perhaps suggest free outings like going to a park for the kids to play? Or maybe cheaper activities like crafts and such.

Praying that God sends you some good friends. Praying too that you are open to investing in those friendships.

[another_poster]

I have never spoken to anyone from church about my feelings. Honestly, I am embarrassed about it and I really don't need "pity friends" because the Pastor told them to talk to me or something. I really want to find that connection with a few women. 

Perhaps consider writing a anonymous letter. Explain that you are concerned about people being friends simply because you said something. Or see if the pastor can suggest someone who might be able to form a friendship which would help. I did attend one church where a member wrote a letter to the minister saying they liked the church but would never invite a friend because it wasn't welcoming. Of course the minister was hurt but it led to positive change. To be honest people in ministry can be so busy or have a lot on their minds that they don't notice these things. Because churches are not perfect and lack of options for you in your situation sometimes we do need to speak up.

 

Is there only one bible study day a week? You said you can't go because that is the one day you work. Pray and ask God to make it possible for you to go or to show you another group. At the end of the day the way most churches are it is far too easy to fall through the cracks if you are not in a group as that is where most things happen. 

[Willa]

I will pray for a best friend for you, and someone that you can be a friend to. Perhaps you are going through this so that when you do have money to go to events with others, you will be mindful to invite people to things that are not costly. It may help you to reach out to others who are not being included. God uses things like this to make us more aware and caring.

For instance, someone at church started free zumba classes that are being held at our church. There is a small fee for child care.

Blessings,

Willa