Becoming a foster parent? Pro's/cons?

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

Thank you Willa.....awesome example and so very true, God Bless you and thank you for sharing!!

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

1 hour ago, Gary Lee said:

 Our young family, two girls about ten and seven, and son about three, my wife and myself, maybe twenty years back, decided it was too quiet in the house. After our son became a toddler, all the females really wanted to take care of little babies, the ones with no family. Oh boy.  At church we had friends who always had several new kids all the time, foster kids. It was their ministry. One older couple could probably  have cared for fifty or more from the first one to the last. A whole wall in their house was covered with their pictures. Quiet a few foster children within our church were adopted by their foster parents and are adults now and members of our church. My wife and I, with much prayer,  decided to be foster parents, with the kids encouragement, though I had some reservations. We decided to take only newborns to two years old, to be moved for adoption or cared for by other relatives. We did not want to be involved with state run programs and found a great Christian foster organization.   We first had to take quite a few courses on infants  and classes concerning medical training for little ones. Special needs children.

Pros......After the training, we received  our first baby, one beautiful little kid. Fadescha Tyneaka D.... A little girl.  A beautiful bi-racial...crack baby. With less than normal responses, lethargic, slow reflexes, crying. And addicted.  Most all of the babies we received over the years were drug addicted bi-racial babies born of drug addicted parents, then in prison. Usually crack cocaine. We realized why we needed all the extra training for these special kids. It was a challenging start. After about six months of my wife and two meddling daughters/little mommies,   smothering little Fadescha with touching and talking and holding and love, she began to respond like a regular little girl, and later,  all very healthy and normal. Than you Lord.  Though we don't know what the future held for those little ones, I know all the love and affection and caring from my three loving females made a huge change to their physical and mental health, including some sense of having been loved and touched, mega dose . I suppose we had about a dozen babies including some older children, siblings to the baby's, over about an eight year period. Occasionally, as we were on the list for emergency pick ups, we might care for an extra one for a short while till a home could be found. It was hard to find out someone was going to take our girls/boys away to a new home, usually a distant relative, most often the grandma with a few of the other siblings.  The girls always cried, though they new we wanted the children to be with their family. And there were some I was attached to also, one in particular, and still keep her picture in my wallet with my own kids. This was our family's first small ministry and we were very blessed. 

Cons. The get rich quick money we received. With what was paid monthly, we figured that my wife earned thirteen cents per hour for the twenty four seven care. Out of that was taken all gas money, extra baby food and diapers, and the gotta have cutie little outfits they just had to have to show her of. So often my wife would take a foster child to leave with the mother for a two hour visit, only to find out she never showed up, as she was back in jail.  It sure wasn't about the money. All foster parents had to take mandatory classes/training yearly. Most was local, some was at a university, three day seminar,  over a hundred miles away.  Some of classes was really great, and some of the class instructors on child rearing  were really off the deep end, or lived on another planet. New age feel good mantra stuff.  But if the goal is to reach the child, you can handle the hoops you are going to have to jump.   Each year you have to have an x amount of hours logged on training. Then, you have regular visits with your case worker. They check out your home to insure the safety of the foster child.  All medicines locked up, even in the fridge. Fire alarms. No guns in the house. etc, etc. We could deal with that. But, over the years, it was getting really intrusive to our normal lives and try to deal with more and more new rules, or restrictions. Several of our friends dropped out of fostering for this very reason. With us, the last straw was when our case worker, at our regular home interview/checkup, began to ask us detailed intimate questions about our sex life.  Remember, all dialog goes on file. In perpetuity. I shut down the interview, told the case worker my wife and I were going to decide if we were going to continue. We didn't. My wife and girls were very upset, yet agreed that it was too much. I know if we were treated with a little more respect and trust, we would have continued for a lot longer.

During the years we fostered, we met a ton of other foster parents, mostly at classes and seminars, or get togethers. All of them were really great people, mostly christian.  We had the easy lovable ones, babies in need.  One older couple would take the older girls, up to teens. The hardest, most troublesome.  I would hear their  stories I can't talk about on this forum, as to how some of the street wise foster kids would try to maneuver the new foster parents or threaten them with accusations or weapons. . But this old couple had been around the block and had already dealt with too many kids to be taken in. They told us, the kids just needed someone to love them, to actually show they cared for them. And the really did. Our family learned a bunch, during those years,  how great we had it as a christian family, compared to some who had  no family, with a rough start in life. Being a foster parent is a good thing. A child receives a second chance at survival, a chance to feel the love they need in those formative years. If your motivation is right, you'll love it. Ask around about the different agencies available, do your homework. ......................Also,  our family...we had a lot of fun, ...too.

Gary Lee

In Him Who is

Semper Fidelis

 

 

Thanks Gary............beautifully written and thank you for sharing. GOD BLESS

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

Wow Abby you sure did have a rough time. I am so sorry that those things happened to you. You already know my background from talking to me earlier today. Its been something I have been praying about for probably 6 months or more. Still no confirmed word from the Lord yet. I would like to prevent such things from happening in others lives. My heart hurts for the hurting. Thank you for sharing and I wish your life would have been different for you.