Never Thought I'd Have an Affair

[Guest bbs71]

This is my first post. I'm telling my story for the first time because it's something I'm not proud of and difficult to talk about with anyone.

A little background - I'm 17. I grew up in a very rigid, strict church that underwent a lot of doctrinal changes by the time I was in college and my parents stopped attending because basically everything we had been taught was wrong. It all just felt like it had been a big waste of time for me and all for nothing. This has left me quite disallusioned with any sort of organized religion for the past 7 or 8 years. And I haven't, and still have no desire to go to church.

This July I will have been married for 5 years. He's everything I could ever want...or so I thought. A little over a year ago, I really started talking more w/ a guy at work....at break, eating lunch together AT WORK, etc. Feelings were stirred up. I prayed at one point for God to take away what I was feeling. Come to find out later, so did this guy. Unfortunately, I guess I didn't try hard enough. To make a long story short, this has been a full-blown affair for around 8 months now.

I'm not wanting to rationalize what I've done and you can't understand until you've been there yourself. I wasn't just physical. He's been a best friend of sorts to me. And it's really hard to realize you have to let go of that friendship. But over the past weekend, the both of us have finally realized that it's time to stop, as hard as it is. We tried once before but I think we can do it now....especially since we're both at new jobs. But we know that to move on and be the people we both need to be, we can't see or talk to each other anymore and right now that really hurts.

It's so ironic that while you will consider yourself a Christian, you willingly engage in behavior you know is so wrong. I do want to be a better person, and ask God for forgiveness and live a better life but I have absolutely no desire to attend a church becuase of the bad taste I had put in my mouth from my experience growing up. Perhaps that means I'm not quite ready or willing to turn over a new leaf in my life.

I just wanted to finally get this off my chest and if anyone has any advice or comments, lemme have it.

Thanks for listening.

[RustyAngeL]

bbs, we have all done things we are not proud of and outright ashamed of. The good news is the grace of God is big enough to cover all our sins and forgive us. It's more improtant for you to get alone with God and to let Him heal you and then maybe you can find a fellowship that you feel comfortable in. I'm glad you came here. Your safe here and accpted. Keep coming back. Rustyangel/Faith

[Guest angelicvoice]

you are 17? and been married for 5 yrs?

did i read right?

[Guest bbs71]

Whoops! I'm 27, not 17! Sorry!

you are 17? and been married for 5 yrs?

did i read right?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Guest D Smith]

Tell no one more of this,,,,

End this affair......speak no more to anyone about it as long as you live...

NEVER confess this to your husband...

Never confess this to anyone you work with or with anyone in your family....

Burry this down deep in your soul and NEVER let it out again!!!!!!!

[Gerioke]

Tell no one more of this,,,,

End this affair......speak no more to anyone about it as long as you live...

NEVER confess this to your husband...

Never confess this to anyone you work with or with anyone in your family....

Burry this down deep in your soul and NEVER let it out again!!!!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Are you the spiritual prison guard?

All sins need to be confessed

perhaps to a pastor or a broother/sister in christ you can confide in

don't carry the burdon

That's Jesus' job

[Guest bbs71]

Wow, D. Smith. I'm not quite sure where your response comes from. Are you speaking from personal experience?

It's been a heavy burden as it is and just finally admitting it to someone other than the party invovled is somewhat of a relief. I don't feel I could ever share this with anyone I know for fear of being judged. Ironically, I used to be one of those who easily passed judgement on someone who had an affair. "It's easy to just say no." I always said. Now I truly know what it means to say don't be so quick to pass judgement on someone. You never know how it feels until you're on the other side of the table.

Unfortunately, I've always been one to hang on to things and beat myself up about it. But I know this is something I must deal with, repent and let go. I'm only human and I make mistakes. And the longer I hang on to these negative feelings, the harder it will be to move past this.

[Ovedya]

Tell no one more of this,,,,

End this affair......speak no more to anyone about it as long as you live...

NEVER confess this to your husband...

Never confess this to anyone you work with or with anyone in your family....

Burry this down deep in your soul and NEVER let it out again!!!!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

About the best advice here is "end this affair"....

At some point you will have to tell your husband. Anyone else is on a "need to know" basis, but your husband needs to know. If you are seriously feeling guilty and convicted by this situation - which I sense that you are, otherwise you would not be posting this on the internet - then you need first to go to the Lord and repent. Then you need to confess to your husband and let him decide what he wants to do with it. If you truly love each other then you may be able to work through it. But not without a counselor present.

[Ovedya]

Wow, D. Smith.  I'm not quite sure where your response comes from.  Are you speaking from personal experience? 

It's been a heavy burden as it is and just finally admitting it to someone other than the party invovled is somewhat of a relief.  I don't feel I could ever share this with anyone I know for fear of being judged.  Ironically, I used to be one of those who easily passed judgement on someone who had an affair.  "It's easy to just say no." I always said.  Now I truly know what it means to say don't be so quick to pass judgement on someone.  You never know how it feels until you're on the other side of the table.

Unfortunately, I've always been one to hang on to things and beat myself up about it.  But I know this is something I must deal with, repent and let go.  I'm only human and I make mistakes.  And the longer I hang on to these negative feelings, the harder it will be to move past this.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can forgive yourself and move on. Remember that you have not just hurt yourself here, but betrayed a sacred trust and promise that you have made to your husband. The only way that you are truly going to "move past this" is if you deal with the issue directly with your husband.

[Guest bbs71]

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can forgive yourself and move on.  Remember that you have not just hurt yourself here, but betrayed a sacred trust and promise that you have made to your husband.  The only way that you are truly going to "move past this" is if you deal with the issue directly with your husband.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well --- by "deal with it", that was just a broad term to encompass whatever means necessary. The really ironic part is that I used to be the one who said if I was ever on the other end, I wouldnt' be able to stay with him whereas he always said you have to try to work through things. But I also said, if it ever did happen, I would never want him to tell me. It would hurt too much and I'd rather live in ignorant bliss than have my world completely torn apart.

This is something I must do in baby steps. I've always loved that we never had any secrets, until this past year, and I would like to get to that point again. I owe him that much. But it will take time.