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Sex talk: Christian Dating Advice

AngelofAshes
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AngelofAshes

AngelofAshes

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23 hours ago, GandalfTheWise said:

I've got three daughters (mid 20s to early 30s) of whom two are married.  I'm viewing this thread through the viewpoint of what I would want for them and what I would tell them.  FWIW :) 

Those are some red flags you mention.  There are some manipulative men out there there will put on a very different face to get what they want and have learned how to play with people's feelings to get what they want.  Then there are some good Christian guys in their first relationship who get swept up and overwhelmed by the emotions and newness of it and have no clue how to act and at times act unseemly.  I was one of the latter and fortunately my wife decided I was too (and she had at one point called off our engagement).  We just celebrated 34 years of marriage this summer.  On the other hand, one of my daughters seemed like a magnet for bad-news jerks.  There was one I had mentally prepared myself for the potential of physical violence if he would have shown up at our house.  Fortunately, she found a good Christian man to marry (a pastor's kid who went his own route for a few years and then came back to the Lord) and we now have a great son-in-law.

Relationships and marriage are a serious thing that will affect all aspects of your life for a long time and even more so once children come into the picture.  Prayerfully consider what to do.  Look carefully at a man's family, attendance and involvement at church, daily spiritual life, circle of friends, interests, career path, motivation, work ethic, financial condition, lifestyle, how he treats other people, his temper and how he deals with setbacks, how he gets along with your friends and family, and other such things  because they will have a huge impact on your life.   Is he basically a good solid man with a solid life (with some flaws to address) who will be there for you and your children, or a faker who is putting on a show and will not stick with you for the long run?  My two daughters that are married found solid Christian guys with good Christian families that my daughters like being with, who are hard workers, and who get along well with her family and friends.  You don't just marry a man; to a large extent you also marry his family, friends, church circles, job, education, attitudes, debts, interests, and other such things.  

If a man does not already have a solid Christian lifestyle (including spirituality, a good work ethic, a good circle of Christian friends, a solid history of church and ministry involvement, a good reputation, etc.), Get Away Now!  Having a relationship with him is unlikely to change him for the better and will likely drag you down and cause you (and down the line potentially your children) a lot of grief and pain.

This is some extremely POWERFUL and potent wisdom!! WOW! God bless you! I'm literally taking notes! You sound like an awesome dad :)

This young man is experienced in dating and sexual activities. I noticed a LOT of other red flags about him, which is why I asked others just to get confirmation on my emotions and feelings. I ended up breaking up with him and just wished him the best. He said that a man would have to be gay to not say those things, and I understand beauty can do things to a man, but worldy men have shown more restraint than him. If he hadn't lied about the number of sexual partners he had and told me he was inexperienced, I would've been more lenient.

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AngelofAshes

AngelofAshes

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18 hours ago, 4LdKHVCzRDj2 said:

I do not have any experience in dating at all.. But I would not talk about sex, at least not how people in the world do it.

What is the relevance of this? Are we trying to base our relationship purely in sex and outward appearance?

 

OK, maybe you plan on having a family then knowing if you both are able to have children can be known before you decide anything. But beyond that? Well, I do not think it is important or necessary.

 

We know sex and beauty are going to end at some part of our lives, and then what would happen? Marriage is over because there's no sex or appearance is not good?

Real love is so important, and it is getting rarer each day. It seems like people just think about beauty and sex nowadays, love is 3rd, 4th, last (if even considered)... It is like they do not care about love.

 

This sounds a lot like a carnal mind... Maybe that is one of the reasons most marriage do not last. People do not love, they just go after their carnal desires and forget everything.

Being so focused on sex and outward appearance can bring us to serious problems such as temptation to adultery, fornication, etc.

 

I believe there are things we should not talk about in our daily lives, especially so often... Take care not to be so centered and focused on sex, it can lead you to traps and lot of problems.

I agree with the bolded. People do choose carnal things over developing and cultivating love. Sex and beauty cannot keep a marriage together for an extended amount of time.

 

AngelofAshes

AngelofAshes

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17 hours ago, Intercessor Ginger said:

The questions that you say he is asking you are shocking to say the least. No your physical measurements should not be part of the equation.I wouldn't expect that from somebody in the world either.

He doesn't sound like he  actually "walks the walk," which makes him no better than an unbeliever, and I would get away from this guy. Count your blessings that you noticed these things in the beginning, there's a lot less chance of being hurt this way.

A Real believer doesn't just talk but he behaves in a decent and honorable way.

Thank you for your advice! I'm glad I noticed things early on too, it would suck to be too deep into the relationship with a person like this.

I let him go :) 

AngelofAshes

AngelofAshes

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@everyoneelse 

To everyone who told me to run, I already did. Thanks for the confirmation! Please pray for me and that young man's soul as well. Thanks again!

The_Patriot21

The_Patriot21

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Posted

Time and place are everything-every couple, if they are serious about marriage need to sit down and have a serious conversation about sex before marriage. However, it should be a serious conversation between the two of you, and not one sided, and quite frankly, your bra size should probably be the last thing talked about....

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Guest Butero

Guest Butero

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Posted
On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 7:18 AM, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

Those are not appropriate questions to ask.  If you were engaged to be married, it is possible there might be legitimate things to be discussed that are sexual in nature, but to ask questions like you mentioned makes no sense even then.  I mean, if you say the wrong size, is he going to dump you?  What is he interested in?  Is it all physical?  Not only is this concerning in that it is inappropriate, but if he is concerned about things like that now, he sounds like the type of guy that would be on you about your weight all your marriage if things get that far, and might leave you if you lose your looks.  This is not normal, and I would not go out with that person again.  

Centurion

Centurion

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Sexual talk early in a relationship is a bad sign. Ditch him sister!

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LadyMountaineer

LadyMountaineer

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Posted
On 9/16/2017 at 7:18 PM, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

I am not young anymore I am in my late 30's I just want you to know  my experience about dating those who claimed "they are Christians"

 

A godly man or woman would not talk  inappropriate words to you... Like the things you have mentioned...he/she will encourage you,share bible verses with you and talk about life not about how you turn her/him on...

 

There was this guy who I had talked with. A Christian that's what he said but our conversations always going to the other side...talking about how sexy I am,how nice is my b_tt and a lot more about sexual things. Although he told me he was just joking and just teasing me. I stopped talking to this guy.

 

Remember that if something doesn't feel right,it probably isn't.

 

 

God bless you ❤ always pray for guidance and wisdom to make wise choices ❤

HAZARD

HAZARD

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Posted
On ‎16‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 9:18 PM, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

A Christian man is a follower of Christ and as such should not be asking questions of a sexual nature of Christian women, weather they are dating or not.

My advice to you, as a married man of 45 years and father of two daughters and a great grandfather as well, "DROP HIM LIKE A HOT POTATO."

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