OCD or more than that?

[mat007]

I remember giving the first signs of obsessive-compulsive thinking when I was 6. I have spent most of my childhood and teenage years overrelying on imagination.

I could handle every obsessive thought, it didn't quite affect my life. Till the previous year. It was summer and I had to face intrusive thoughts about me being the antichrist (allthough I have convinced myself later that I'm not).

Six months ago, I was in the chemistry class and the teacher asked us a question. At first it seemed to be pretty difficult, that's why she wanted to reward the one that answers correctly with a mark. Some seconds after she asked the question, a thought came into my head: "What if I really am the antichrist and have some 'powers'?". Then (and that was the greatest mistake I have made) I just thought about it more and more and somehow "tried" to "activate" them, seeing if I really am the antichrist. Found the answer to my teacher's question.

I didn't quite find an explanation to what happened to me, allthough I am pretty good at school (I love maths, programming and physics) and I was even before those thoughts came.

"Maybe it was a coincidence" - that was my first thought. But some days later, I tried it again and found the answer to another question. It's like... I was thinking more critical. I have excelated in maths (more than before), physics and programming. Written algorithms I never knew I am able to write. (Ok, teachers appreciated me even before that. But now it is different. I am not trying to sound arrogant. Sorry if I do)

For the last 6 months I remained in a constant state of anxiety because of this, fearing that Satan could have given me powers or more intelligence than I had before. I was scared I could have made an "invitation" for him, by trying to see if those "powers" worked.

Since the last year, so, before the "incident", I begin seing the number "666" in comments, as a number of likes at posts I scroll to, or followers. Even when I sometimes turn my phone on my battery level is either 66% or 34% (100-34=66). I don't think that's a coincidence.

Now, my whole thinking is, somehow, damaged. I can't find peace of mind. I am always anxious and can't have feelings. I am constantly depressed and can't feel love. Praying to God didn't quite help (I prayed for deliverance, for forgiveness, and nothing happened). I am always anxious and can't enjoy the happy moments in my life (because of the intrusive thoughts, accompaniated by the fear that only "mediocre" people enjoy life - not arrogant, still an OCD thing).

Am I possessed? Should I fear possession? I didn't take part in any occult activities and always tried to stay close to God. The only thing that I worry about was the one with the "powers". Or did I just begin using my critical thinking, "thanks" to my OCD? (not really thanks, I could have activated it using another way). And if it is just something mental, how can I change my thinking, saying that all those things come from God (avoiding compulsions?)

Please, reply.

Edited July 18, 2018 by mat007

[dr3032]

OCD doesn't quite work that way. It sounds to me more like you have some form of schizophrenia. Voices in your head trying to convince you of this or that, paranoia in the appearance of number sequences, etc.

Perhaps the reason why your aptitude increased was because you were focusing less on fighting these thoughts. It cleared up room for your mind to do what it could naturally do if it weren't hampered by these thoughts. However, rather than simply giving in to these thoughts, you should be focused on getting rid of these thoughts.

It sounds like you've been troubled, but I would ask that you please remain steadfast. If this has happened, it is with reason that it has happened. Hold on to hope and do not let these thoughts turn you away from the Lord. I might recommend watching the movie A Beautiful Mind. It is both a really good movie and also a true story about a mathemitician who overcame his own schizophrenia.

[HikerMom]

Have you spoken with a counselor?  A Christian counselor would be a good idea I think.  Can you see a doctor as well?  You sound like you have terrible anxiety and unrealistic fears.   God has complete control over Satan and will fight our battles as we trust in him.  It’s much better to focus on God than on Satan.  God is sovereign and he loves you so incredibly much... Saying a prayer for you!

[Sharky and George]

Sounds like Jesus has a big plan for you actually so be glad. 

 

 

 

I say that as it sounds like there is a spiritual battle over you: scitophrenia (I can never spell that) the material brain or angels and demons the more spiritual mind. Medication with wisdom can help though for sure.

When you get your OCD thoughts e.g. "there is the number 666, I must be a devil" or similar. Just say the word "default" in your mind which means forget all of the demons and lies of the enemy and remember in your mind you are a Christian, full stop.

 

 

 

This helped me massively. Simple and easy for me. I hope it helps you. Learn it.

I did a post on your authority in Christ also - you can send the demons packing that do this to you as you actually have complete authority over them because of the finished work of the cross where your soul was bought for Jesus alone.

 

 

Bless you.