decieved into marriage. Seeking opinions.

[keith841]

I decided I was interested in looking to a foreign country for a wife. I met my current wife online and after lengthy in depth conversations I went to meet her. I stayed with her for three months in her country, Ukraine. During this time I went to great efforts to make it clear how very important it was to me to be compatible with my future wife, because if we are not compatible there will be huge problems later. In great detail and many repeated conversations I told her ALL about my life, my hobbies, my life style, place of living and many details of everything. I did this to ensure she had a CLEAR understanding of my life and that I was looking for a woman that also likes a similar lifestyle as mine. She repeatedly stated all of this was great and she liked it. Later found out this was false and she likes NOTHING about where I live or how I live.  I also asked about her relationship with her mother (only living parent), because it was important to me to be with someone who has a good family relationship. She said oh sure!!!! Yes, she has a very good and normal relationship with her mother. Later I found out she hates her mother and claims she was abused and neglected. I asked if she was Christian and if she believes in God and again, Oh Sure!!!! She grew up with her mother going to the Orthodox church,but she currently is not going.  Another lie, she is NOT a Christian at all. All of the lies came out later. 

To make a long story short, She is now here and we've been married 3 1/2 years. It has painfully become clear she completely misrepresented herself on every issue and lied for the purposes of getting married. Everything she told me about herself were false. In my opinion this is a fraudulent marriage. Soon her green card will come, but I am seriously considering notifying immigration and stating she defrauded me into marriage.  We all know what the bible says about marriage and divorce, but if the divorce is obtained under fraudulent deceptive circumstances doesn't that mean the marriage is not valid in Gods view? If I notify immigration, she will be deported, but the bible says "do not put her out, but if she wishes to depart,let her depart". What to do?  

[dr3032]

I think this is something best discussed with your Ukrainian wife. If she has no feelings for you and wishes to depart, then let her do so, for we are called to peace. Likewise, with the idea of peace in mind, it might not be best for either of you to report her to immigration; doing so seems a bit vindictive and Ukraine has trouble on the horizon - There's a reason many women there are trying to escape overseas. If she wants to depart, i'd suggest allowing her to stay until she becomes naturalized, and then agreeing to see her off peacefully.

However, if she wishes to stay, and you have feelings for her, it doesn't hurt to try. Perhaps she might see your patience and diligence in the Lord and come around. I would stress that point, though; you cannot force anyone to do anything. Getting on her back and badgering her about it will only drive her away. Instead, let your lifestyle speak for you, let your life be as an example. Let her come about on her own, and if she doesn't, then it's out of your hands.

[Jayne]

What if she did not lie, but you just made wrong assumptions?

• You asked her if she was a Christian and she said, "yes" and that she "went to the Orthodox church".  What if, in the Ukraine and in her culture simply going to church makes you a Christian.  Many Orthodox churches function that way.  What if she didn't lie, you just didn't delve deep enough with her into what being a Christian means?
• You said you made sure that you told her all about your lifestyle, hobbies, your life, your place of living, and many details to make sure she had a clear understanding.  Culturally speaking, one cannot have a clear understanding  until one is immersed into a new culture.  This happens all the time with moving, new jobs, new relationships and more.  People think they know what they are getting into, but because they have no experience, they do not.
• What if she really was abused and neglected by her mother?  Does that not elicit compassion from you?  Do you love her?

Did you have "in great detail and many conversations" a discussion about HER hobbies, lifestyle, life, and many details to make sure that YOU had a clear understanding of her?  Or was it all one-sided as it is presented in your OP.

Would going to a marriage counselor help?  She's not a dog you got for Christmas that you have grown tired of by February and wish to get rid of.

We, here, cannot tell you what to do.

You are sick of her and it shows.  I would merely suggest to find a Christian counselor and either you go alone or the both of you.  Pray to the LORD to guidance.

I'll pray for you both as this is a complicated situation.  Whatever you decide is between you, your wife, and God.

 

 

[GodPrincess]

Hi, thanks for sharing. You may need to take time to sort this out. Find out what your options are, then weigh in government policies along with Bible Scripture