Neighbor Posted September 22, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 18 Topic Count: 952 Topics Per Day: 0.35 Content Count: 13,573 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 9,054 Days Won: 6 Joined: 12/04/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/03/1885 Share Posted September 22, 2019 6 minutes ago, maryjayne said: Has this thread anything to do with unforgiveness? Are abused one who are not yet healed saying they have not forgiven their abusers? God heals as, and when, and as much as He chooses. His decision, not ours. Suggesting that those still struggling with the effects of abuse while waiting for healing are not saved, even though the suggestion is an oblique yet real one, is uncalled for and A LIE. The wording of the last paragraph in the post above reminds me of the words of the serpent in the garden of Eden, introducing a thought which has no place and whose only purpose is to casts unwarranted doubt. Yes it has to do with forgiveness as forgiveness frees a person from being ruled over by the angst over real past aggressions. I find it to be a wondrous gift from God- forgiveness - one for me to emulate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeraTaru Posted September 26, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted September 26, 2019 (edited) On 9/21/2019 at 4:23 PM, Neighbor said: I guess the opening post related question might be have you forgiven? Also, have you then been set free of any "limits" as to what you can accomplish in the name of our Lord? Or do you feel limited because of hard times in childhood? How can I forgive when I don't know who to forgive in terms of some memories? In terms of the ones I can remember - the naked canings at 4 years of age, the fists and the threats...not sure. With my will I have forgiven (since at over 50 years of age I still visit the ageing parents who meted this out to me). But then I was told that "unless I've wept over the sin of unforgiveness I've never forgiven from the heart I have not truly forgiven" then I guess not. More interesting to me is why you turn child abuse immediately back on the victim and ask "Have you forgiven?". Edited September 26, 2019 by SeraTaru Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeraTaru Posted September 26, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted September 26, 2019 On 9/21/2019 at 4:38 PM, maryjayne said: I am sorry that these things happened to you. I will pray for you. You do not have to share anything on here if you do not feel comfortable doing so. You are not alone. Peace and blessings to you. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neighbor Posted September 27, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 18 Topic Count: 952 Topics Per Day: 0.35 Content Count: 13,573 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 9,054 Days Won: 6 Joined: 12/04/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/03/1885 Share Posted September 27, 2019 5 hours ago, SeraTaru said: More interesting to me is why you turn child abuse immediately back on the victim and ask "Have you forgiven?". I ask simply because I have forgiven and it has freed me. Nothing is being turned back, not upon anyone. The most significant benefit of forgiving has been it appears to me is to me. I am the one who has benefitted! I'm not going to share of beatings, nor verbal abuses, nor any of that stuff. I'll just credit everyone else as having had far worse times. I also live with a rush of memories at times and flashbacks. I just don't any longer chose to allow them to control me because I learned forgiveness by seeing the awesome capacity of Christians to do so. I too have done so and continue to do so as new events occur. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preciouspearl Posted September 30, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 11 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 516 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/02/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/03/1987 Share Posted September 30, 2019 for me, and i dont doubt at least my mother's love but i was kind of more encouraged not to pursue an education after high school mom always wanted me to more follow my sister's footsteps. i wanted to go to college but dad said i would never make it. mom said that i wouldnt be good at driving and i understand now why she thought that but anything i want is considered wrong my sister was more conditioned as the "intelligent one" im not but if i expressed it they will still say "yeah you are intelligent," but the thing is they could have shown it. they are obsessed with my "asperger" diagnosis and never acknowledge ptsd at all while i was at a mission somewhere they basically bought books to understand aspergers and wrote about me and still guilt trip me i doubt people set out to be abusive but i just dont understand how protecting me ever was loving or helped me. instead i feel stupid, hardly meet people, hardly trust people. and dont have much to offer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelInTraining93 Posted September 30, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 239 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1993 Share Posted September 30, 2019 On 8/21/2019 at 4:04 PM, createdequal said: I am just wondering the % of people who think/feel/know they were abused as children? Abuse is a subjective term a lot of the time. But I speak of objective abuse: being slapped hard, being denied necessary food/water as punishment, etc. I ask because whatever happens to us in childhood affects who we are at our core.. and affects us the rest of our lives.. shapes our destiny in so many ways When I told my pastor my stories the word he used to describe my parent's behavior was abuse. I have been attending therapy on and off since I was seventeen and my therapists often agree that my parents were well out of line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preciouspearl Posted September 30, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 11 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 516 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/02/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/03/1987 Share Posted September 30, 2019 30 minutes ago, AngelInTraining93 said: When I told my pastor my stories the word he used to describe my parent's behavior was abuse. I have been attending therapy on and off since I was seventeen and my therapists often agree that my parents were well out of line. im glad to hear you weren't dismissed. can i ask you something? did you feel guilty for feeling or acknowledging this as abusive or did you dismiss wondering or being told it was abuse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preciouspearl Posted September 30, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 11 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 516 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/02/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/03/1987 Share Posted September 30, 2019 a question for anyone who knows if no one knows its ok: can one or two children be singled out ? what if a sibling says "we must have had different childhoods?" but they didnt really mean it cos they dont think it happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelInTraining93 Posted September 30, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 239 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1993 Share Posted September 30, 2019 1 hour ago, preciouspearl said: im glad to hear you weren't dismissed. can i ask you something? did you feel guilty for feeling or acknowledging this as abusive or did you dismiss wondering or being told it was abuse? Oh no, I knew they were in the wrong. It was primarily psychological abuse but there were a few moments of what was unmistakably physical abuse. My mother once grabbed my sister and I by our heads and slammed our foreheads together when we argued. I believe it was elementary school age for me when that occurred. No way that could be righteous, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
createdequal Posted October 1, 2019 Group: Catholic Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 591 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 96 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/05/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 On 9/26/2019 at 6:00 PM, Neighbor said: I ask simply because I have forgiven and it has freed me. Nothing is being turned back, not upon anyone. The most significant benefit of forgiving has been it appears to me is to me. I am the one who has benefitted! I'm not going to share of beatings, nor verbal abuses, nor any of that stuff. I'll just credit everyone else as having had far worse times. I also live with a rush of memories at times and flashbacks. I just don't any longer chose to allow them to control me because I learned forgiveness by seeing the awesome capacity of Christians to do so. I too have done so and continue to do so as new events occur. I was a better in some ways (albeit only some ways) when I didn't think of the evils that happened to me in the past (child neglect). I was not better off in the sense of.. well, I mean, it is never a good thing to (for example) blame yourself for all your.. personality flaws when your personality was basically formed by the age of 5. I always used to think that if I had a problem in some situation or another it was my fault. NOT! I do not do that kind of thinking anymore but on the other hand, I began to analyze things too much vis a vis my parents and etc.. and I just made up my mind not to do that.. When I think of all they did right, well... it almost brings tears to my eyes.. They took me to Mass every Sunday, along w. my siblings, every single Sunday. And Jesus of course, is the best gift a parent can give. Yes, I am very grateful to them for that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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