Godfearingfeminist Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/01/1999 Share Posted October 29, 2019 Rycee here... I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stop feeling jealous/envious? I've been feeling like this a lot lately for the stupidest reason (so my fiance says). Long story short, I want a baby and have wanted one for almost two years, but we're not ready because of 1. We're not married yet, 2. We don't feel financially ready. I started wanting to have a baby a couple months after I turned eighteen, when we started really planning our future together and coincidentally when I found out my foster sister was pregnant with her second child. Not long after that I met my fiance's baby cousin. She was the sweetest, most beautiful child ever and looks a lot like him when he was little. This only made my desire stronger. I moved out at nineteen and my little sister turned thirteen a month later. There's 7 years between us and 10 years between me and my other sister and I have always looked after them and felt as if they were my own. Now I was away from home and they were growing up, doing their own thing, and I guess that left me with a void I felt I had to fill. My foster sister just gave birth to her THIRD child, one of my old friends just had a daughter, and in July I found out my fiance's brother's girlfriend (we'll call her Connie) is pregnant. I've been extremely envious ever since and no matter what I do it doesn't seem to help. I've never got on with Connie. I tried but always felt there was something off about her. And I was right - turns out she cheated on my brother in law and had to have a DNA test to make sure he was actually the father. She moved in with him and his mother in August and has gotten all the baby stuff delivered there. It sounds petty but I didn't even get a card or present for my birthday cuz my in laws were focused on her. I had to stop visiting my soon to be mother in law cuz everytime I went Connie would brag about all the things she'd bought the baby and we couldn't have a conversation without "the baby" popping up. Sometimes my MIL would blatantly ignore me to talk to Connie about the baby! I've fallen out with my MIL because of it. I ended up homeless at the end of August and she refused to take me in because Connie was there. I ended up roughing it til someone else could take me in. Thank God I have a couple of good friends. My MIL saw no problem with this whatsoever. My fiance got mad at her about it and she told him I was a bad girlfriend and that he should break up with me. Apparently I treat him like a dog and spend his money. Even he disagreed with this completely untrue statement. I've thought about forgiving her but all I have in my heart right now is hate. This makes me feel guilty and very unchristian but I can't help it. I feel like an idiot for letting my envy cause all this, even though I'm not entirely sure it's all my fault? My constant whining about how it's not fair that all these other girls are having kids and I'm not has been getting on my fiance's nerves and we've argued about it a few times. It's really getting me down and I can't stop thinking about it. I guess I'm also jealous that she is now his family's favorite even though I tried so hard to be accepted by them and she did nothing but row and lie and cheat, not to mention having sex before marriage which they say they don't approve of. If anyone can spit me any bible verses that might help or any links/advice/personal experiences with this sort of thing I'd really be thankful. Sorry for the looong post x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steward George Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Steward Followers: 110 Topic Count: 10,465 Topics Per Day: 1.26 Content Count: 27,773 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 15,463 Days Won: 129 Joined: 06/30/2001 Status: Online Birthday: 09/21/1971 Steward Share Posted October 29, 2019 Shalom ryceeg, Welcome to Worthy Christian Forums. Please feel free to browse around and get to know everyone. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. As soon as you post a few times and after they are approved, it'll tell us that you are "real" person and not a "bot", you'll be free to post throughout our forums and join our chat rooms. Forgive us for this minor inconvenience, however, we've had issues in the past with Spammers! This is a short tutorial video of how to get started with Worthy Christian Forums. As soon as you get out of Newbie status, you'll be able to add your profile picture. You may be interested in reading how WCF functions, and how the forums are set up, and other neat tricks to the forums. Read our insights into WCF. Let me share a little bit of my vision for the ministry in a parable. Let's say I'm throwing a big party and am inviting the world to the party (the forums) and I want everyone to have a great time, eating (reading through posts being fed), drinking (being encouraged to walk in His Word), and having fellowship with one another. In Israel, we have Shabbat meals -- and whenever you have 2 Jews -- you have 3 opinions -- it's GREAT to be opinionated. I encourage discussions ... but during our Shabbat meals ... we never ever get to the point in disagreements whereby food is being tossed and seriously yelling takes place! And if someone comes into the meal ... and starts throwing food ... and yells at everyone -- what do you suppose the head of the Shabbat meal will do? He'll escort those causing problems out of the house! Why? Because the whole reason for the gathering was to learn from one another ... to have a great time of fellowship! Some people like to constantly throw food and yell ... they won't last on Worthy ... because they missed the point of the party ... it's a prequel to the true party -- the Lamb's Supper! All I'm trying to provide is a place to allow true fellowship ... and discussions in love ... in the hopes it will be a catalyst for true REVIVAL based on REPENTANCE! I hope you have a blessed time at Worthy! Please use the REPORT POST feature (which can be found at the top right of all posts) any posts that you believe should be reviewed! We strive to have ALL members abide by our Terms of Service. While this message is "automated", please know that if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me off a private message which can be found at the top right to the left of your name. Your brother in the Lord with much agape love, George Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,242 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,653 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 29, 2019 Welcome to Worthy. NEVER have a child to fill your own need. Have one to raise a strong Christian, to give him the best possible home full of love, consistency and the type of discipline that trains a child in the way she should go. That is, be firm when he errs and reward good behavior with fun things. I learned how to raise kids by AKC dog training, and it worked better on our kids than on the dog . Sons are serving God and raising their teens to follow the Lord as well. It is the hardest job you will ever have. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godfearingfeminist Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/01/1999 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 Thank you both, PromisesPromises! Your response was very helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heybro Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 19 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,360 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 2,139 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/03/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted October 29, 2019 Hi there Rycee, welcome to the forum, please heed the advice given already, God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted October 29, 2019 5 hours ago, ryceeg said: Rycee here... I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stop feeling jealous/envious? I've been feeling like this a lot lately for the stupidest reason (so my fiance says). Long story short, I want a baby and have wanted one for almost two years, but we're not ready because of 1. We're not married yet, 2. We don't feel financially ready. I started wanting to have a baby a couple months after I turned eighteen, when we started really planning our future together and coincidentally when I found out my foster sister was pregnant with her second child. Not long after that I met my fiance's baby cousin. She was the sweetest, most beautiful child ever and looks a lot like him when he was little. This only made my desire stronger. I moved out at nineteen and my little sister turned thirteen a month later. There's 7 years between us and 10 years between me and my other sister and I have always looked after them and felt as if they were my own. Now I was away from home and they were growing up, doing their own thing, and I guess that left me with a void I felt I had to fill. My foster sister just gave birth to her THIRD child, one of my old friends just had a daughter, and in July I found out my fiance's brother's girlfriend (we'll call her Connie) is pregnant. I've been extremely envious ever since and no matter what I do it doesn't seem to help. I've never got on with Connie. I tried but always felt there was something off about her. And I was right - turns out she cheated on my brother in law and had to have a DNA test to make sure he was actually the father. She moved in with him and his mother in August and has gotten all the baby stuff delivered there. It sounds petty but I didn't even get a card or present for my birthday cuz my in laws were focused on her. I had to stop visiting my soon to be mother in law cuz everytime I went Connie would brag about all the things she'd bought the baby and we couldn't have a conversation without "the baby" popping up. Sometimes my MIL would blatantly ignore me to talk to Connie about the baby! I've fallen out with my MIL because of it. I ended up homeless at the end of August and she refused to take me in because Connie was there. I ended up roughing it til someone else could take me in. Thank God I have a couple of good friends. My MIL saw no problem with this whatsoever. My fiance got mad at her about it and she told him I was a bad girlfriend and that he should break up with me. Apparently I treat him like a dog and spend his money. Even he disagreed with this completely untrue statement. I've thought about forgiving her but all I have in my heart right now is hate. This makes me feel guilty and very unchristian but I can't help it. I feel like an idiot for letting my envy cause all this, even though I'm not entirely sure it's all my fault? My constant whining about how it's not fair that all these other girls are having kids and I'm not has been getting on my fiance's nerves and we've argued about it a few times. It's really getting me down and I can't stop thinking about it. I guess I'm also jealous that she is now his family's favorite even though I tried so hard to be accepted by them and she did nothing but row and lie and cheat, not to mention having sex before marriage which they say they don't approve of. If anyone can spit me any bible verses that might help or any links/advice/personal experiences with this sort of thing I'd really be thankful. Sorry for the looong post x If you are a praying person perhaps you could give your life and all of your concerns to God. Jealousy comes from a low self esteem and lack of confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhchristian Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 9 Topic Count: 136 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 2,488 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 1,325 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/29/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted October 29, 2019 10 hours ago, ryceeg said: I've thought about forgiving her but all I have in my heart right now is hate. This makes me feel guilty and very unchristian but I can't help it. I feel like an idiot for letting my envy cause all this, even though I'm not entirely sure it's all my fault? My constant whining about how it's not fair that all these other girls are having kids and I'm not has been getting on my fiance's nerves and we've argued about it a few times. It's really getting me down and I can't stop thinking about it. I guess I'm also jealous that she is now his family's favorite even though I tried so hard to be accepted by them and she did nothing but row and lie and cheat, not to mention having sex before marriage which they say they don't approve of. If anyone can spit me any bible verses that might help or any links/advice/personal experiences with this sort of thing I'd really be thankful. Sorry for the looong post x Children are not a commodity to be jealous of, instead they are a blessing to be cherished. Make sure this man is the one for you, and make sure you are married, so many children are born into broken families, and raised by single mothers and end up in foster homes where abuse and all manner harm can come upon them. Do not raise your child in these circumstances, because you want the status of being a mom and are jealous of others in your family. These are all the Wrong reasons to have a child. A strong mother and father in the family is the most important thing for the success of a family. Poverty can be overcome, but the lack of this strong family bond leads to these problems being perpetuated generation after generation, and you need to free yourself from this mindset. The 20's are the best years of your life, go out and live them without the burdens of caring for children, establish yourself and your careers and then think about having children. I Had my first child when I was 31, my wife was 29, we have four wonderful talented children, because we the parents were mature and capable of raising them. We had friends who hooked up and had children early, they are divorced and remarried now, and those kids were raised in broken homes, and studies show that those raised in broken homes are more likely to be divorced and live in broken homes when they get Older. You need to break that cycle first, before beginning a family. Raise a family the right way before the LORD and He will bless you and your family. I am not trying to be mean when I say these things, but rather, to get your focus away from "me, me, me" To what that child's life will be like, a child is a blessing from the LORD, not a status symbol to be envied about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godfearingfeminist Posted October 29, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/01/1999 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the advice. I agree with the thing about broken families. I was raised by my single mother with four siblings, and my father has six other kids from three different women, so there's 11 of us altogether! I always hated not being a 'real' family and I always said I would wait til I'm married and have a real career to have kids, otherwise I wouldn't have any at all. Just want to clarify that I don't want a baby just because other people I know are having them - my boyfriend and I have been together five years and are very happy together, hence why we're currently planning our wedding. I already wanted a baby way before everyone else started having them. My jealousy comes from the fact that I'm the only one in a stable relationship with a job, the most financially and emotionally stable one out of me and these other girls, yet they are the ones getting to have babies even though they're less prepared than I am. It just doesn't seem right or fair to me There's also the fact that they don't even seem to really cherish these blessings. They still smoke and drink during pregnancy and they don't seem to be excited about the baby itself, just the fact that now they won't be expected to get a job, instead the government will pay for them and their housing just because they're pregnant. That's all they care about and honestly I think it's dispicable. Excuse me for being judgemental but that's not what kids are for Edited October 29, 2019 by ryceeg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prycejosh1987 Posted July 13, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,176 Content Per Day: 0.85 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/29/1987 Share Posted July 13, 2020 We all struggle with sin, being jealous is sinful because it causes a person to desire something what is not theirs, its a form a coveting. Get rid of the jealously and work on what you need to do to achieve that success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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