So what is wrong with me? Zero motivation

[LonerAndy]

11 hours ago, missmuffet said:

Are you in a rut? Maybe somewhat depressed or bored? 

I guess. If you consider 20 years a rut. 

Nothing has worked out since college, so since 2000, I've been pretty much where I am.  Work, eat, sleep, repeat.

Honestly, things were not good before college, but up until I failed out of college, I had just always believed that G-d is good, and things will improve.  I still believe G-d is good, but 20 years showed things do not improve.

So it's a pretty looooong rut.   

[LonerAndy]

15 hours ago, DDisconnect said:

I recently accepted a job offer - I'll be starting next week. The job sounds simple enough, but I have to wake up a little too early for my tastes and they want me to travel for a few days to an orientation/training and the paperwork and travel planning is stressing me out. I really hope this is just an initial mess I have to go through, and I'll finally have my foot in the door somewhere. If it turns out that there's an equally good job at better hours, I'll probably pursue that other job. That's enough about me though, kind of a needless tangent.

Honestly? I feel you. Every time back in school and even today, people ask you what you want to do with your life and it's like... I don't know. People have all of these complex plans laid out and are apparent busy-bodies in going about it, to a point where you wonder if they're overworking themselves or how they find any time to relax. Lots of places want to give you some goofy hours. I've noticed a good number of employers are purposefully vague and so you don't really get what the deal is until you've already accepted the job offer. Like I thought I'd have a different position (as it had this long description, basically like a cashier), but I guess the itty bitty small "other duties as assigned" means it can be whatever they want it to be. Just so much dumb stuff.

Anyway, I'm guessing this is less about financial success and more about having an actual direction, right? That, or it sounds like you had a dream when you were younger that didn't pan out. Perhaps you just need a job dealing with something that you enjoy. Like me, I like plants and working out. This job I'm getting deals with neither, so I may start looking into jobs at local greenhouses/landscapers or gyms. I really don't have a plan where I'm seeking success, just one where I might find enjoyable work. Think about the things you like - consider what kind of work would help you feel fulfillment in the doing thereof. Just have to find more humble or realistic dreams, you know?

Overall though, I agree with Knotical. One works to live, one does not live to work. That's how it should be, anyway (if only, am I right?). You need to find things beyond work that makes life worth living. I take joy in learning about plants, in lifting weights, in cleaning or listening to music. Are you married? Maybe even just a group of friends to hang with. It's tough when you really don't know what to do or where to go, I know. Just have to pick a direction and see how it goes.

If you aren't really feeling enjoyment out of anything though, I might suggest a therapist. Might just be depression or some manner of other issues that are withholding any happiness you might otherwise experience.

I recently accepted a job offer

Yeah, been there dozens of times.   It is nerve racking isn't it. The worst part for me is figuring out how many of my co-workers are sociopaths and how many are good people.  For me typically, it's 50/50 "I can talk to this person" vs "This person must be hearing voices in their head at night".

people ask you what you want to do with your life and it's like... I don't know

Yeah I thought I was going to be a programmer, and couldn't handle it.  Then I thought I'd be an engineer, and failed that too.  I thought I'd work on cars, and broke the cars.  Thought I'd drive truck, and fell asleep at the wheel of a truck doing 65 on the highway.

Now my answer is... I don't know, or care at this point.  Just whatever.  Doesn't matter.

Anyway, I'm guessing this is less about financial success and more about having an actual direction, right?

You got it.   Money is not a motivator for me.  It just isn't.  In fact, I have many times wished that money did motivate me, because then maybe I would at least be successful at getting money.

Yet if I hate the job, then even if it pays more, I end up quitting.   I was working at an auto parts store.  The manager for whatever reason thought I was wonderful.

But I absolutely despised that job.  I can not even attempt to tell you how much I considered suicide, or just feigning that I was sick, rather than go to that job.  Just bitter loathing and hate for that wretched miserable job.

Manager said he was going to put me in management, and promote me, and make me a store manager.  I'm sure if I had stayed there, I would be a store manager by now, or even district manager, who knows.  But not a chance.  Utterly horrific miserable experience.   They would have had to pay me millions a year to stay there.

you married?

Nope, not married. How can I take care of a family, when I can't even hold a job?  I've had 40+ jobs in my life, and consistently, the harder I work the faster they dump me like trash.

Think about it.  What women anywhere near my age, in their 30s or 40s, is going to meet a guy who has no career, no education, no training, no solid job even, who has achieved exactly nothing in his life, no friends, no family, zero, and actually has never been on a romantic date yet even....  and that woman is going to be interested in that?

Can you imagine meeting the parents?   "Hi, I have no goals, no dreams, no career, failed out of college, no skills, last year I made a good $20K, but I'm currently laid off with applications at Wendy's.  Oh I'm in my 40s by the way.   I'd like your daughter's hand in marriage!"

Yeah, reverse that.  If I had a daughter, would I let her marry me?  Not a chance. XD

"Zara honey?  Can I just talk to you a bit about your boyfriend?" 

Maybe even just a group of friends to hang with.

I don't have friends.   I'm notoriously odd.  Don't like sports.  Couldn't care less about football.  So people typically find it difficult to relate to me, and I find it difficult to relate to them.

I have joined numerous churchy groups, and that never works out either.  The last group I joined was over 10 years ago, and I went to this group consistently for about 18 months.   I specifically remember the last group meeting I had, where I was sitting on a chair with the group... and I just had this.... epiphany... this magical moment of understanding.

I looked around the room, and realized not a single person cared I was there.   I realized that if I picked up my Bible, and my coat, and walked out, that no one would even noticed I had left.   Then I realized that if I stopped coming, no one would ever miss me.    And that's when I realized I really don't care either.  I poured everything I had, as best I knew how, into this Church group, and it was all nothing.

So folded the chair I was on and put it away, picked up my Bible and coat, and walked out.  No one said a word to me, and no one ever contacted me.  Almost a year later the leader, or assistant pastor who ran the group sent me a single email, and that was it.

So, not doing the church group thing again.  Just doesn't work for me I guess.  Maybe I'm to blame, but I don't know how to have done it better.

If you aren't really feeling enjoyment out of anything though, I might suggest a therapist

Yeah, I did that!  Went to counseling for several months.  Does not appear to have helped much, does it?  Oh well.  I gave life my best shot.

 

[Iamnikki]

Hallo! Can I just encourage you with a few verses?

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28

 

I have no idea exactly what you've been through. But GOD knows. He's there:) you can be honest with Him

[LonerAndy]

1 minute ago, Iamnikki said:

Hallo! Can I just encourage you with a few verses?

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28

 

I have no idea exactly what you've been through. But GOD knows. He's there:) you can be honest with Him

Sure you can say whatever you like.

 

[Fidei Defensor]

18 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

How do you get motivated when you have absolutely no reason to?

I know I need a job.  But I have 25 years of experience that says, it will just be another miserable job.  You get up in the morning, at a time you don't want to get up, to go some place that you don't want to go... to do work you don't want to do.   And for what?

So you can pay for food and shelter and clothing, so that you can continue to get up, go to work, and continue the monotony of life.

You do this day after day, year after year, decade after decade.... then you die.

Having a really hard time getting motivated.  What's the point?

People keep telling me "to praise and serve G-d".  Agreed. Now what?

People say "work hard and strive for your dreams"  Agreed.  Is that not what I have been doing?

None of my dreams have come true.  Every thing I have worked for, and crumbled to dust.  For the last 10 years, when people say what are my dreams and goals, I say I have none.   What's the point of having a goal that you can't ever achieve, or a dream that never comes true?

At this point, I don't even really remember what dreams I ever had.

Entire years of my life have gone by, and I don't remember a single thing about those years.  Absolutely nothing.

So far in 2020, the only thing I remember thinking on a daily basis is....   what's the point?  Nothing is going to change.  Nothing will improve.

Hard to believe something will get better, when since 1999, it has only gotten worse.

An alternative is to become a Jesus Fool (type of Slavic monk), ascetic, hermit,  monk, friar,  or join a commune. 

I have considered monastic life. There are Protestant monastries now, but they arn’t as common as say Paul of the Cross, Jesuites, Mount Athos, and etc. Most Protestant monasteies or friaries are Anglican.  

https://www.prayerfoundation.org/brief_history_protestant_monasticism.htm

Edited July 15, 2020 by Fidei Defensor

[Who me]

18 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

How do you get motivated when you have absolutely no reason to?

With extreme difficulty.

Your a guy with a range of skills, who is adaptable, willing to work hard, reliable, but lacking direction.

Are there any jobs you have enjoyed?

Are there any relationships with people you have enjoyed?

 

If there are I would suggest trying to resurrect them.

 

May I suggest checking out your local churches, assuming they are open, for one that does care about people, even the square pegs trying to fit in round holes.

It can take time for people to get used to the oddities among them and you also have to make friendly steps towards them.

[LonerAndy]

46 minutes ago, Who me said:

With extreme difficulty.

Your a guy with a range of skills, who is adaptable, willing to work hard, reliable, but lacking direction.

Are there any jobs you have enjoyed?

Are there any relationships with people you have enjoyed?

 

If there are I would suggest trying to resurrect them.

 

May I suggest checking out your local churches, assuming they are open, for one that does care about people, even the square pegs trying to fit in round holes.

It can take time for people to get used to the oddities among them and you also have to make friendly steps towards them.

I'm not sure why relationships would matter with a career/life problem.  No amount of relationship is going to make a job less miserable.  I've had jobs with pretty decent co-workers, and that didn't change the fact that working there was awful.

I can't think of any relationships off hand that were of any note, nor that I would resurrect.  Besides, having a friend doesn't change life. You still have to get up, go to work, slave away, go home, and eventually grow old and die.  It does not change anything.  Never has in the past anyway.

Um, yes. So all the jobs I have enjoyed I have been fired from.  All the jobs I hate, they want to promote me.  It's such a weird consistent patter, that it is baffling to even myself.

For example, I worked at one company nearby, and loved what I was doing.  Put in 11 hour shifts for over a month, and they fired me.  They didn't really give a reason for why they got rid of me, but I was told by a recruiter that they "didn't want to upset the apple cart".  I have no idea what that means, or what it refers to, but obviously I was terrible enough that they got rid of me and no interest in my returning.

I worked at an auto parts store, hated every minute of it, and they wanted to make me manager.

I tried to find another job doing the same basic work as the first, but no such jobs exist in my area.  I'd have to drive hours out of town for the next company to do that job, and for a low-wage job I can't really justify moving. How much would you pay to move an hour away, to do a $10/hour job?

The only jobs that I enjoyed somewhat, and they were apparently happy with my work, was a job where I was a courier driver.  The problem was, it was a contract with you driving your own car.   Which would be fine, except that after working there a full year, I did an audit of my finances and realized I was making less than minimum wage.  When you include all the costs, repairs, maintenance, and so on of operating your own vehicle, verses how much you are paid, the actual profit was lower than working straight 40 at Wendy's for minimum wage.

I had a taxable income of $12,000 for the whole year.  Obviously that wasn't going to work, so I had to quit.

Crazy isn't it?  I've often said that if a stranger told me that they went through all the goofy stuff I have in life, that I would think they were making it up.

[AnOrangeCat]

20 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

None of my dreams have come true.  Every thing I have worked for, and crumbled to dust.  For the last 10 years, when people say what are my dreams and goals, I say I have none.   What's the point of having a goal that you can't ever achieve, or a dream that never comes true?

At this point, I don't even really remember what dreams I ever had.

Entire years of my life have gone by, and I don't remember a single thing about those years.  Absolutely nothing.

So far in 2020, the only thing I remember thinking on a daily basis is....   what's the point?  Nothing is going to change.  Nothing will improve.

Hard to believe something will get better, when since 1999, it has only gotten worse.

I can relate to a lot of this. It might just be my depression and past experiences believing but I feel like this particular era is one that slowly and subtly chokes away our joy and sense of purpose.  Economically speaking we're in a bad spot in the US and have been for a while. The news is depressing. Our politics are depressing. Our country moving away from God and Christian values is depressing. There's a growing number of people who find their jobs meaningless and unfulfilling. I could go on and on about it. I genuinely believe that one of our special challenges is to endure it and manage to be a light anyway. Probably not the most encouraging words but it's what my experiences and observations have led me to believe.

[LonerAndy]

1 hour ago, AnOrangeCat said:

I can relate to a lot of this. It might just be my depression and past experiences believing but I feel like this particular era is one that slowly and subtly chokes away our joy and sense of purpose.  Economically speaking we're in a bad spot in the US and have been for a while. The news is depressing. Our politics are depressing. Our country moving away from God and Christian values is depressing. There's a growing number of people who find their jobs meaningless and unfulfilling. I could go on and on about it. I genuinely believe that one of our special challenges is to endure it and manage to be a light anyway. Probably not the most encouraging words but it's what my experiences and observations have led me to believe.

I suppose.  I'm not sure why it would matter about the rest of that.  If the economy was the best it has ever been... wouldn't you still get up, go to work, come home, go to bed and repeat?

If politics was fantastic, and we had the best president ever... wouldn't you still get up, go to some job, come home, and go to bed and repeat?

If country turned back to G-d, and 99% of the public converted to Christianity, if rainbows and unicorns flowed across the land, if every illness was wiped out, and all crime was eliminated, if race ceased to exist....

Would we not still just get in up in the morning, drive someplace we didn't want to go, and do work we don't want to do, so we can come home, pay our bills, and get up to do it all over again the next day?

Whether times are considered "good" or times are considered "bad", the reality of life is still the same.

Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

What do people gain from all their labors
    at which they toil under the sun?

Eccl Chapter 1.

Edited July 15, 2020 by LonerAndy

[Debp]

21 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

How do you get motivated when you have absolutely no reason to?

I know I need a job.  But I have 25 years of experience that says, it will just be another miserable job.  You get up in the morning, at a time you don't want to get up, to go some place that you don't want to go... to do work you don't want to do.   And for what?

So you can pay for food and shelter and clothing, so that you can continue to get up, go to work, and continue the monotony of life.

You do this day after day, year after year, decade after decade.... then you die.

Having a really hard time getting motivated.  What's the point?

People keep telling me "to praise and serve G-d".  Agreed. Now what?

People say "work hard and strive for your dreams"  Agreed.  Is that not what I have been doing?

None of my dreams have come true.  Every thing I have worked for, and crumbled to dust.  For the last 10 years, when people say what are my dreams and goals, I say I have none.   What's the point of having a goal that you can't ever achieve, or a dream that never comes true?

At this point, I don't even really remember what dreams I ever had.

Entire years of my life have gone by, and I don't remember a single thing about those years.  Absolutely nothing.

So far in 2020, the only thing I remember thinking on a daily basis is....   what's the point?  Nothing is going to change.  Nothing will improve.

Hard to believe something will get better, when since 1999, it has only gotten worse.

 

20 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

Sure, helped a women being abused by her husband, helped at the homeless shelter, gave a person a place to stay that was kicked out of her apartment, allowed an immigrant to stay here while he waited for his wife from Bangladesh to come, fixed a co-workers car that couldn't afford to have it fixed, and even though I've have had an average income of $22K for the last 10 years, I have consistently donated to charities.

If that is not enough, what more do you want me to do?

I think Justin just meant you are too focused on negatives about your life.   So why don't you change your focus?   For example, the above quote shows you are using your gifts to help others.   So why not focus on that, the good you are doing for others?   Rather than focusing on the negative things you perceive your life to be.