If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[Starise]

3 minutes ago, Don19 said:

No, it doesn't matter whether I confessed it or not. All my sins or forgiven, eternally. But temporally is another matter. Do you know what the parables mean? The prodigal son, the virgins, the end Matthew 24, the talents, the workers in the vineyard, and others.

Yes all of your sins are forgiven. Even so, we have times in our lives where we need to repent. I've been there more than I care to say, so I feel I have some association with a person who struggles and sometimes falls. We all do. You are not unique. If you don't agree that you need to repent, then how do you deal with it if you fall? At the very least I need to reclaim my standing with the lord.

It's like the old story about the wife who asked her husband why they no longer sat close to each other on the long pickup truck seat ( back in the day there were no dividers between seats). The husband replied , " I haven't moved". In our case God never moves. We move away from Him. Even though we are still saved we might have severed fellowship with Him which needs to be re instated.

Temporarily we sometimes fall man. I get back up, confess my sin, dust myself off and head in the right direction once again. Do you have anyone there around you who can hold you accountable? Have you joined any groups or had any counseling on whatever it is? Sometimes I think we need to reach out for help. You don't have to tell me publicly what's pulling you down. That's your business. I know whatever it is God can help you to pull through it.

Might not seem that way now. Doesn't change the fact. 

Bless you brother. I hope and pray the best for you.

[Don19]

I'm just telling you, I've seen the doctrine behind the parables I've mentioned, and this doctrine can be found throughout the New Testament. Having seen it, I can't unsee it. And having seen it, I've been a wreck. Though Peter offers encouragement to those who suffer according to the will of God (1 Pet 4:15-19), even as he himself was likewise judged and suffered, I cannot let this go. I have not had an alcohol-free day since February. I hate my life like you cannot imagine. It's totally wortheless.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Don19

[Starise]

This is where the rubber meets the road Don19. What I mean by that is people go around talking about the Christian walk, the Christian life etc. and many of them don't have a clue what they are talking about because they have never been tested like someone who has been through hardship, loss or addiction...so it's just words in type that are supposed to make people feel good. Give them a positive attitude about life.

That's not where I'm coming from. God can either change a man or He can't. The gospel either works or it doesn't. I could care less about those pie in the sky feel gooders who write books. What you're going through is REAL. It isn't the kind of thing where you simply make up your mind to improve, slip and hate yourself again.

God has to do it. We need to trust Him to do what He says He can do. You will not be disappointed. I don't care if you only go an inch at a time. The important thing is to ask for help with the faith that God will accomplish a deliverence in you. You have the willpower, God makes the changes. Never stop asking, praying and seeking.

The more you hate what is taking control, the more determined you will be to get away from it, shut yourself off from it and move toward the Lord's help.

Words and encouragements are going to always come up short. It's the power of God to deliver I'm talking about. You can do it- No you can't really. God will do it if we are willing and we do our best to run from it.

[Whyme]

I've seen despair, but now I see hope. My advice never give up no matter how much you fail. No matter how gloomy it may seem, don't give up. Things will get better.

[walla299]

1 hour ago, Don19 said:

I'm just telling you, I've seen the doctrine behind the parables I've mentioned, and this doctrine can be found throughout the New Testament. Having seen it, I can't unsee it. And having seen it, I've been a wreck. Though Peter offers encouragement to those who suffer according to the will of God (1 Pet 4:15-19), even as he himself was likewise judged and suffered, I cannot let this go. I have not had an alcohol-free day since February. I hate my life like you cannot imagine. It's totally worthless.

I can understand where you're coming from since I've been there myself. Short version is I lost someone close to me suddenly and got mad at God. Spent the next few years taking a tour of drug-and-alcohol land. It was fun at first, then turned to slavery just like sin always does. Suicide was starting to look like a valid option - and yes, I was a believer during all that.

Recovery is possible, but not easy. There is hope, and it's more that just AA or NA, which can help but are mainly secular in nature and have nothing for a believer fighting sin. For that you need other believers, the Bible, and hopefully a good supportive church family, or at least a good Christ centered recovery group in the area such as Celebrate Recovery, for example. It can help because the Jesus is really good at taking a messed up life like mine and making something good out of it.

You can find the Celebrate Recovery website here: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/

The founder of the program recently went home to be with the Lord, so you may see mention of that on the home page, but the program is still running. You can find a group in your area if you want with the group finder page here: https://locator.crgroups.info/

Hope this helps.

[Whyme]

12 minutes ago, walla299 said:

I can understand where you're coming from since I've been there myself. Short version is I lost someone close to me suddenly and got mad at God. Spent the next few years taking a tour of drug-and-alcohol land. It was fun at first, then turned to slavery just like sin always does. Suicide was starting to look like a valid option - and yes, I was a believer during all that.

Recovery is possible, but not easy. There is hope, and it's more that just AA or NA, which can help but are mainly secular in nature and have nothing for a believer fighting sin. For that you need other believers, the Bible, and hopefully a good supportive church family, or at least a good Christ centered recovery group in the area such as Celebrate Recovery, for example. It can help because the Jesus is really good at taking a messed up life like mine and making something good out of it.

You can find the Celebrate Recovery website here: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/

The founder of the program recently went home to be with the Lord, so you may see mention of that on the home page, but the program is still running. You can find a group in your area if you want with the group finder page here: https://locator.crgroups.info/

Hope this helps.

I had a rebellious moment where I gave up, but God didn't abandon me. Now I love him more. I feel like I've grown in understanding and self control.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Whyme

[walla299]

1 minute ago, Whyme said:

I had a rebellious moment where I gave up, but God didn't abandon me. Now I love him more. I feel like I've grown in understanding and self control.

The Lord didn't abandon me either. Part of recovery was facing the truth that it was the other way around: I turned my back on Him. Wasted a lot of years too.

My old pastor in Germany had a saying:

"God speaks in a still small voice and when we are stubborn and won't listen He will do what is necessary to get our attention. Sometimes He'll even throw a brick or two!"

The Lord threw several bricks before I came around.

 

[Whyme]

5 minutes ago, walla299 said:

The Lord didn't abandon me either. Part of recovery was facing the truth that it was the other way around: I turned my back on Him. Wasted a lot of years too.

My old pastor in Germany had a saying:

"God speaks in a still small voice and when we are stubborn and won't listen He will do what is necessary to get our attention. Sometimes He'll even throw a brick or two!"

The Lord threw several bricks before I came around.

 

What was the brick if you don't mind me asking? If its personal I would understand you not talking about it. 

[walla299]

Just now, Whyme said:

What was the brick if you don't mind me asking? If its personal I would understand you not talking about it. 

Short version: Coming to behind a dumpster in a bad neighborhood on a morning when it was already 90 degrees, and not remembering exactly how I got there. I wasn't real sure exactly where "here" was at first. I had the clothes on my back and that was about it.

Then I realized that I had 2 choices:

1. Return to the Lord. (i.e. Repent.)

2. Die (most likely) from drugs, alcohol, the heat, or something related . . . and probably worse.

I chose the first option, obviously. Sometimes we have to get to the end of ourselves before we'll repent.

[Whyme]

18 minutes ago, walla299 said:

Short version: Coming to behind a dumpster in a bad neighborhood on a morning when it was already 90 degrees, and not remembering exactly how I got there. I wasn't real sure exactly where "here" was at first. I had the clothes on my back and that was about it.

Then I realized that I had 2 choices:

1. Return to the Lord. (i.e. Repent.)

2. Die (most likely) from drugs, alcohol, the heat, or something related . . . and probably worse.

I chose the first option, obviously. Sometimes we have to get to the end of ourselves before we'll repent.

God allows us to reap what we sow. Been there. But God promises to make us new. Amen.