Cant seem to feel personally sorry (porn)

[F_Ivan]

I struggle with porn addiction since I was 8 years old. Everytime i watch porn i feel bad and guilty but i cant seem to feel personally sorry to god like that feeling of empathy and sorryness for the person youd get if you like punched someone or did something evil to them i dont feel that way towards God. i dont know why, i worry if it means im too far gone. or maybe it just means i dont have a strong relationship with god, i know god is real and i know god is love but i dont have a day to day deeply active personal relationship with god like some do, maybe thats why. (dont think ive ever heard god personally speak to me) i heard porn addiction is caused by intimacy wounds, i was an intimate empathetic person as a kid but ive never felt intimate with anyone for several years (im 20), never had a girlfriend or a mutual crush, feel like ill be forever alone because im unnattractive multiple times, had a bad relationship with my parents for most of my teen years, and only have a few friends im close with and my empathy is bad, it makes me feel like a sociopath sometimes because i genuinely find it hard to care about people most of the time. i feel like i have some severe emotional wounds regarding intimacy.

[Starise]

Thanks for sharing F-Ivan.

From what you say, you feel that porn is wrong.

11 hours ago, F_Ivan said:

Everytime i watch porn i feel bad and guilty

This is understandable. 

11 hours ago, F_Ivan said:

but i cant seem to feel personally sorry to god like that feeling of empathy and sorryness for the person youd get if you like punched someone or did something evil to them i dont feel that way towards God.

I'm doing my best here to understand. Since God isn't with us like a flesh and blood human being, maybe you are saying you don't feel the same as you would feel if you were somehow insulting a human friend? 

Obviously porn feels good initially like any drug. It is a drug. Dopamine. Then you have a down very low feeling not long afterwards.  Do you feel bad because you know it was wrong or do you feel bad because your dopamine stores are low again?

Or both? It sounds like you only feel bad physically and feel no obligation to turn away from it or repent. Do you really want to quit it because it's wrong or just feel better? There's a huge difference in how your inner soul feels.

[enoob57]

12 hours ago, F_Ivan said:

I struggle with porn addiction since I was 8 years old. Everytime i watch porn i feel bad and guilty but i cant seem to feel personally sorry to god like that feeling of empathy and sorryness for the person youd get if you like punched someone or did something evil to them i dont feel that way towards God

Yes it's just like Judas sorrows for betraying The Lord but He could not get past the me, myself and I...

[F_Ivan]

1 hour ago, Starise said:

Thanks for sharing F-Ivan.

From what you say, you feel that porn is wrong.

This is understandable. 

I'm doing my best here to understand. Since God isn't with us like a flesh and blood human being, maybe you are saying you don't feel the same as you would feel if you were somehow insulting a human friend? 

Obviously porn feels good initially like any drug. It is a drug. Dopamine. Then you have a down very low feeling not long afterwards.  Do you feel bad because you know it was wrong or do you feel bad because your dopamine stores are low again?

Or both? It sounds like you only feel bad physically and feel no obligation to turn away from it or repent. Do you really want to quit it because it's wrong or just feel better? There's a huge difference in how your inner soul feels.

I feel obligation to turn from it and repent because I know what happens if you don't repent from sin. I watched porn before I got saved and I would feel terrible after watching it but terrible about it like how one feels terrible about accidentally breaking something very expensive or dear to them, not a moral kind of terrible. I'm pretty sure I do feel morally wrong/dirty about it though. 

[Starise]

I believe intense immersion into porn destroys us on the inside and I believe this is why if we get caught up into it we feel "dead" inside. It's because we are deadening parts our soul. The Bible says that men who engage in sexual immorality are destroying their very insides.

1 Cor 6:18

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Go from this to.............................. this

2 Timothy 2:22

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Seek to replace those bad habits with good habits. God will make a way. If you fall. Repent (truly turn away from it ) 

God will then start to recharge those batteries that have been drained through sin. If you fall, get back up. Repent and turn from it.

I don't care if you have to repent 1000 times. Ask God to forgive and do whatever He needs to do to make you the person He wants you to be. You will eventually see changes taking place within. You will realize you hate it so much you never want to see it again. 

Hope this helps.

[AnOrangeCat]

One of the things that's important to remember is that are feelings are fleeting, fickle things. It's nice when our feelings align with what we know to be right, but that's a luxury and not something we can always count on. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that are hearts are "deceitful above all things and desperately wicked". Quite often in life, both for material reasons and spiritual ones, we have to go against what our feelings tell us because we know better.

[Don19]

17 hours ago, F_Ivan said:

I feel obligation to turn from it and repent because I know what happens if you don't repent from sin.

This kind of repentance isn't the gospel, though. It's not possible, humanly speaking, to turn from your sins; that's why Jesus Christ died for sins, to remove the condemnation of sin. You might give up watching porn, but then I guarantee there are other sins you won't be giving up. So no one has ever been saved by repenting of sins. No, you get saved by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ to take away your sins once and for all!

[Billiards Ball]

On 11/24/2020 at 1:02 AM, F_Ivan said:

I struggle with porn addiction since I was 8 years old. Everytime i watch porn i feel bad and guilty but i cant seem to feel personally sorry to god like that feeling of empathy and sorryness for the person youd get if you like punched someone or did something evil to them i dont feel that way towards God. i dont know why, i worry if it means im too far gone. or maybe it just means i dont have a strong relationship with god, i know god is real and i know god is love but i dont have a day to day deeply active personal relationship with god like some do, maybe thats why. (dont think ive ever heard god personally speak to me) i heard porn addiction is caused by intimacy wounds, i was an intimate empathetic person as a kid but ive never felt intimate with anyone for several years (im 20), never had a girlfriend or a mutual crush, feel like ill be forever alone because im unnattractive multiple times, had a bad relationship with my parents for most of my teen years, and only have a few friends im close with and my empathy is bad, it makes me feel like a sociopath sometimes because i genuinely find it hard to care about people most of the time. i feel like i have some severe emotional wounds regarding intimacy.

The trap is shame. God doesn't want you to feel shame but addiction leads to feeling numb. Addicts feel either intense pleasure or feel nothing at all or alternate between both extremes.

 

·         Break the cycle by understanding the four-part willpower noose cycle

·         1 Root of bondage

o   Early sex exposure/early sex imprinting, father wounds, abuse

·         2 Shame mindset

o   Guilt “I did wrong” > Shame “I’m wrong” > shame is who you see yourself to be

o   Feel worthless and inadequate, anger is a secondary emotion, the primary is fear, but almost always sexual bondage is eroticized rage . . . men’s rage seen in pornography . . . Pornography is violence against women

·         3 Binge, purge, wait a while, binge (to numb shame)

o   Addiction is to feel euphoric or feel nothing, avoids feeling pain (but increases pain)

o   Triggering > Ritual > Acting out > Triggering Cycle, like a coke addict who sees a $20 bill

·         4 Cloak of denial with others

o   Habit key = Identity, I am not ashamed

·         5 The works noose pushes it all deeper

[JohnD]

On 11/24/2020 at 12:50 PM, enoob57 said:

Yes it's just like Judas sorrows for betraying The Lord but He could not get past the me, myself and I...

while I understand the point you make Enoob, the fountain of regret

is one we find ourselves too often at

from selfishness thirst...

Judas was not sorry / remorseful except that the devil within him Luke 22:3 / John 13:26-27)

realized at the last second that he'd played right into God's hand.

Christ was always supposed to die.

His recanting of his testimony to the Sanhedrin  was the devil

trying to stop the crucifixion.

But he (the devil) had corrupted the Sanhedrin too much... he threw the blood money at them

and IMHO the man Judas hung himself because of the seething  anger and insanity of the

defeated devil in him was just too much.  ← also why IMHO the swine jumped to their deaths

when possessed by the legion of demons... 

Edited January 17, 2021 by JohnD

[JohnD]

On 11/24/2020 at 12:02 AM, F_Ivan said:

I struggle with porn addiction since I was 8 years old. Everytime i watch porn i feel bad and guilty but i cant seem to feel personally sorry to god like that feeling of empathy and sorryness for the person youd get if you like punched someone or did something evil to them i dont feel that way towards God. i dont know why, i worry if it means im too far gone. or maybe it just means i dont have a strong relationship with god, i know god is real and i know god is love but i dont have a day to day deeply active personal relationship with god like some do, maybe thats why. (dont think ive ever heard god personally speak to me) i heard porn addiction is caused by intimacy wounds, i was an intimate empathetic person as a kid but ive never felt intimate with anyone for several years (im 20), never had a girlfriend or a mutual crush, feel like ill be forever alone because im unnattractive multiple times, had a bad relationship with my parents for most of my teen years, and only have a few friends im close with and my empathy is bad, it makes me feel like a sociopath sometimes because i genuinely find it hard to care about people most of the time. i feel like i have some severe emotional wounds regarding intimacy.

My young friend, life is full of dilemmas like this and choices to make.

But first off, have you ever been taught the true Gospel of the Genuine Jesus?

Believe in the true Jesus and you will be saved. Notice throughout the actual Gospel

message it is about belief (in the genuine Jesus of course) and nothing else:

John 3:16–18 (AV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

John 6:29 (AV)
29 Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

John 16:26–27 (AV)
26 At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:
27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

John 20:31 (AV)
31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

The scriptures bear witness:

1 Corinthians 15:1–4 (AV)
1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:

Faith alone.

Ephesians 2:8–10 (AV)
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.