The loneliness of evangelism when everyone I know is an unbeliever

[Thewhitedove]

When it comes to the Great Commission, how do you share your faith? Do you just come out with it or do you wait for opportunities int he conversation to open up? 

I got saved almost 2 years ago and prior to this, I thought Bible believing Christians were foolish, judgemental, close-minded and spiritually immature. If a Christian even hinted at sharing their faith, I would just shut off and always ended up feeling sorry and frustrated for them. No amount of preaching Scripture or telling me I was a sinner in need of salvation would have had any effect on me, except to make me think that the Christian in question was a brain-washed simpleton. 

So, now I know that the 'brain-washed simpletons' were right all along and actually I was the close minded fool.

My background has made me very, very wary of how I share the Gospel. A big part of my conversion was watching videos of 'normal' women like me, with colourful backgrounds (like me) coming to Christ. I started to realise that Christians were sane, intelligent, rational, stable people with diverse personalities and journeys. 

I am one of the only Christians in my original circle of friends. None of my family is saved. My parents were once commenting on a picture of The Cross in the newspaper, and I took the opportunity to explain the Gospel with my family and they shut it down pretty quickly. I could see it was going right over their heads and they didnt want to talk about it.

I've shared the Gospel with some New Age friends when they brought up something to do with spirituality, and they didnt get it at all. Their attitudes were pretty much 'that's good for you for not for me'.

I have agnostic friends who change the subject every single time I mention Jesus or the Bible, which I always try to do within the context of the conversation. 

I know that if I came on any stronger than I do already, I would completely alienate them. My husband is an non belever and talking about my faith with him is like stepping onto a minefield...I have to be so careful and discerning as to what comes out of my mouth. Its exhausting actually.

Out of everyone in my circle, only one person has come to Christ, which I know is an amazing blessing and act of the Holy Spirit. 

I am utterly useless at Evangelism. I panic so much about it and am always stressing out about trying to find opportunities and always beating myself up about what a rubbish job I have done. 

Two positives: I try to live by example and think I do a good job at showing my friends and colleagues that I am different in that I dont swear or gossip. 

I also pray a lot for people. 

Honestly though I feel so ineffective! I have always had a conviction that I should be really upfront and disarming with my faith but a) this is too scary for me and b) I dont think it would work.

I am getting so down about this. I very much feel alone in the world as it is. I often look at married Christian couples and imagine how nice it must be to pray together, to watch the news and share sadness over whatever new Liberal evil disguised as 'good' is being celebrated and comfort eachother at failed attempts to share their faith. What it must be like to have that cocoon of comfort, of having one another to turn to.

I am part of a great Bible believing, no-frills church and they are great but I feel alone in the world, and like I dont know what I am doing and that I am failing horribly at the one thing God has put me here to do. 

I feel so burdened and like I am meant to be this big light in the lives of all the unbelievers in my life, of whom there are many. And I am not! 

I feel very, very burnt out.

Please help!

 

 

[Justin Adams]

11 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said:

I feel so burdened and like I am meant to be this big light in the lives of all the unbelievers in my life, of whom there are many. And I am not

You are a courageous soul.

I suggest you watch Dr Michael Heiser's YouTube 'naked bible podcasts' and his DIVINE Council stuff. Find 'REVERSING HERMON' and 'UNSEEN REALM' videos. Expand your own frontiers and see things differently and be well informed.

I see that the Lord wants us to know a little more and since you are HIS, He will direct your paths.

Blessings!!

[appy]

You're not alone in wondering how to share the gospel with others. As believer's we all experience this, and desire others to come to Christ just as we did. Realize that we can't make others believe, all we can do is share with others what we know and have experienced. And why we believe as we do. Our changed lives is a visual testimony of the work God has done in us.

Believe me, unbelieving people do notice that there is a change in you. And they can also see Christ in you. Because God works from the inside out. Christ in you, shines for all to see. Being grounded in God's word is a must. Always begin with prayer for the individual(s), asking God to open a door for the individual(s) to hear the gospel, and softening their hearts as they hear the gospel, then ask God to speak for you and through you to them that they might believe and be saved.

Even if they do not initially believe right away, the seeds have been planted by you. Sometimes a person will come to Christ from an unexpected source. What I'm saying is, that you have started the ball rolling so to speak, opening a way for someone else to also plant seeds in their hearts. And God may still use others to draw a person's heart. As the person listens, the Holy Spirit will confirm to the hearer the testimony of the gospel. And bring conviction in their hearts.

Someone once shared the following with me about a family member of theirs that was refusing to believe. He thought that men who believed were weak and not real men as he was. He was an overly assertive man who showed excessive pride in his manliness. His wife and grown children had become Christians and for years ministered to him. A really long time.

He mocked them and so forth. He had a co-worker/friend that had the same excessive pride in his manliness too. And this co-worker invited him to hear him give his testimony at a bible study. The man went, thinking he was going to really have some fun with the co-worker, but as he listened to the co-worker's testimony of how he was saved, God was at work in him, and at that hour he was saved. My point is that even though his family shared with him, through their Godly lives, and shared the gospel, he came to the Lord not through them, but through an unexpected source. So don't lose heart ok?

1 Corinthians 3:6-7
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

 

 

[GandalfTheWise]

3 hours ago, Thewhitedove said:

When it comes to the Great Commission, how do you share your faith? Do you just come out with it or do you wait for opportunities int he conversation to open up? 

My observation of Christians over the decades is that we are all different.  Often, rather than figuring out how God created us to best do certain things, we try to copy other Christians and then feel guilty when it doesn't work for us.   We need to learn how things like prayer, Bible reading and study, fellowship, discipleship, and evangelism best work in our own lives.  Some churches and groups of Christians can exert a lot of peer pressure to do some of these things in a particular way and make us feel guilty when those particular ways don't work for us.

When it comes to explicitly sharing the gospel, I've seen some Christians with a personality such that they can pretty much say anything to anyone at anytime without offending them.  I've got one friend who seems to naturally bring every conversation with anyone to God at some point.  Living in the midwest, his slow southern accent is a help.  His laid back personality means that he can trivially shrug off rejection and think maybe next time.   My wife is a person that some people will naturally start spilling their guts to if she just stands there listening.  A former pastor is comfortable asking if he could pray for someone for something in their life whenever he had short conversations with strangers (service people in stores or restaurants, sitting next to someone on a bus, etc.)  

A few important things to keep in mind are these.  First, it is the Holy Spirit working in people's hearts that draws them to God.  These things happen in God's timing, not ours.  Evangelism that bears fruit is when we do what God prompts us to do at a time and place where He is drawing someone to Himself.    Second, people respond to the gospel differently.  I know people who responded the first time they heard it.  I know people who spent years or decades angry at the gospel before responding.  In other words, some people have rejected the gospel many times which means that the person sharing didn't see any immediate fruit but rejection.   A common theme in many of those long-term hard cases was that they had seen a few Christians in their lives that they simply couldn't explain but knew they were different somehow.   Thirdly, we have to have a walk that backs up the talk.  We are new creations in Christ which means that we are being transformed and changed so that things such as the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23) naturally start emerging in our lives and becoming apparent to those around us.  We have to live and speak in such a way that our words have credibility.  Those around us are often well aware that we are Christians.  Often the changes that occur in our lives that have the biggest impact are things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and self-control being more apparent because those are things many people want to see in their own lives.  

Speaking for myself, I don't hide the fact I'm a Christian, but I don't get in people's faces.  I'm more than capable of apologetics and explaining the gospel (in my own words adapting to the person I'm speaking to), but my sense is that for most people it is not intellectual questions keeping them from God but rather reaching a point where God is drawing them.  It is often when they hit a point of questioning their life and that they ask the real questions that are worrying them.  I just try to be sensitive to where people are at and when I feel like God is leading me to say or do something.  Probably the most unique thing about me that works is that I see every person as a unique creation of God and a potential work of art or masterpiece that God (through the atoning work of Christ and work of the Holy Spirit) will craft to show His glory to the world in some unique way.   I naturally try to see people as the unique person God wants them to become rather than what they are like now.  It means that I am often one of the first Christians someone meets who simply accepts them and appreciates them and cares for them as a unique person since I  trust to God to be able to craft them into the person He created them to be.  For years, it bothered me that I didn't seem to accomplish much, but now I realize that I've probably opened the door for many other Christians to share with many people later by giving them a small glimpse of a loving Father's gaze rather than the glare of an angry vengeful judge.  It's simply how God wired me to think and feel about people and I enjoy doing it.

The bottom line is that the book of Acts contains a variety of testimonies and how evangelism works.  There's Peter speaking to a crowd on the day of Pentecost, Philip out in the desert overhearing a guy with questions about the OT, Paul and Silas in a jail preventing a suicide when the jailer's life was about to end, Paul debating philosophy in Athens.   The many testimonies of Christians I've heard in my life have ranged from being one of hundreds to go forward at a Billy Graham crusade to having a next door neighbor or Sunday school teacher share the gospel to reading a gospel tract a stranger handed them.

 God's created you to be a unique person who will share His love with others in some way unique to you.  He'll bring opportunities into your life to do this in various ways.  As you practice doing this, you'll get better and better at it and enjoy it more and more.

 

[Heleadethme]

Some may disagree, but I believe that women are generally not put on the front lines of the battle (though there can be exceptions).  Our role is generally an auxiliary, supportive kind of role.  And even among the men in the church, not everyone has the spiritual gift  of evangelism.  I think you are doing the right thing in exercising wisdom and discernment (and we grow in that as well), and for the most part, as the bible says, to let them be won by the Godliness of your life, especially your husband.  Current feminist society puts women under pressure to perform, but if we look at Godly women in the bible, we can learn from them, what the Lord is seeking from us, and His yoke is light, not burdensome.

In my opinion, you are doing very well in praying, doing good, eschewing evil, and from time to time mentioning an acknowledgement or verbal witness of the Lord.  As you endeavour to take up your cross and follow Jesus, and asking Him to give you utterance etc, over time you will learn more and more to be led by His Spirit.  Don't be anxious, don't put yourself under pressure, but keep your eyes on Jesus, living quietly in the land, yielding to His Spirit and being led by Him.  At the same time we can expect that a Christian witness is not often welcomed and we may be ostracized, rejected and mistreated, and at such times we can be glad that we have a part in the fellowship of His sufferings.  Very important that we get to know the bible, reading it on our own prayerfully, apart from church, and being taught by the Holy Spirit.  God bless you as you seek the Lord and walk in His ways.

[Guest kingdombrat]

8 hours ago, Thewhitedove said:

When it comes to the Great Commission, how do you share your faith? Do you just come out with it or do you wait for opportunities int he conversation to open up? 

I got saved almost 2 years ago and prior to this, I thought Bible believing Christians were foolish, judgemental, close-minded and spiritually immature. If a Christian even hinted at sharing their faith, I would just shut off and always ended up feeling sorry and frustrated for them. No amount of preaching Scripture or telling me I was a sinner in need of salvation would have had any effect on me, except to make me think that the Christian in question was a brain-washed simpleton. 

So, now I know that the 'brain-washed simpletons' were right all along and actually I was the close minded fool.

My background has made me very, very wary of how I share the Gospel. A big part of my conversion was watching videos of 'normal' women like me, with colourful backgrounds (like me) coming to Christ. I started to realise that Christians were sane, intelligent, rational, stable people with diverse personalities and journeys. 

I am one of the only Christians in my original circle of friends. None of my family is saved. My parents were once commenting on a picture of The Cross in the newspaper, and I took the opportunity to explain the Gospel with my family and they shut it down pretty quickly. I could see it was going right over their heads and they didnt want to talk about it.

I've shared the Gospel with some New Age friends when they brought up something to do with spirituality, and they didnt get it at all. Their attitudes were pretty much 'that's good for you for not for me'.

I have agnostic friends who change the subject every single time I mention Jesus or the Bible, which I always try to do within the context of the conversation. 

I know that if I came on any stronger than I do already, I would completely alienate them. My husband is an non belever and talking about my faith with him is like stepping onto a minefield...I have to be so careful and discerning as to what comes out of my mouth. Its exhausting actually.

Out of everyone in my circle, only one person has come to Christ, which I know is an amazing blessing and act of the Holy Spirit. 

I am utterly useless at Evangelism. I panic so much about it and am always stressing out about trying to find opportunities and always beating myself up about what a rubbish job I have done. 

Two positives: I try to live by example and think I do a good job at showing my friends and colleagues that I am different in that I dont swear or gossip. 

I also pray a lot for people. 

Honestly though I feel so ineffective! I have always had a conviction that I should be really upfront and disarming with my faith but a) this is too scary for me and b) I dont think it would work.

I am getting so down about this. I very much feel alone in the world as it is. I often look at married Christian couples and imagine how nice it must be to pray together, to watch the news and share sadness over whatever new Liberal evil disguised as 'good' is being celebrated and comfort eachother at failed attempts to share their faith. What it must be like to have that cocoon of comfort, of having one another to turn to.

I am part of a great Bible believing, no-frills church and they are great but I feel alone in the world, and like I dont know what I am doing and that I am failing horribly at the one thing God has put me here to do. 

I feel so burdened and like I am meant to be this big light in the lives of all the unbelievers in my life, of whom there are many. And I am not! 

I feel very, very burnt out.

Please help!

As much as we love our friends and family, sometimes they shape our walk in God.   Family can lead to someone folding or becoming bolder.   And if Family/Friends accept Christ, that does not mean they will right away or it will happen in your presence.  We can count on that our efforts in discussing God are allowing God to plant the seed deeper.   But Family can later down the road just be at a place and time when suddenly God becomes real to them.   They will see God like you do.   And they will thank you for planting the seeds that introduced them to your God, even though in this moment now, those same seeds seem hard to toss because you expect rejection.   Be rejected and be happy!   The seed is planted and God does all the work from beginning to end anyways.   Let Him do his thing and you continue to pray to God for your Family/Friends.

[Tristen]

Hi tWD,

In my experience, the frustration you are describing usually comes from trying to accomplish a task by our own efforts – rather than resting in God and trusting Him to bring it to pass.

Some people are fortunate enough to have the ability (a gift from God) of effortless evangelism. The rest of us have to muddle through and find what works for us.

Only God can save. Only God can change hearts. So that is not your “burden” to carry.

Matthew 11:28 - Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest

Our part is to work out our own salvation, to seek and saturate ourselves in God, to love God, and to shine as a light for God in the dark world. Pray for the unsaved, and that God would give you wisdom to engage with them when He opens the door (in His good timing). And then trust God, that He both hears and answers prayer, that He is working whether you see it or not - and enter His rest.

Sounds like they know you are Christian. They are watching you (even if they seem disinterested). If you walk in love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faith, patience and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23), they will notice.

1 Peter 3:1-2 speaks specifically about wives witnessing to their husbands; i.e. that “they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”. This general principle can be applied more broadly to your witness. That is, you do not have to be an 'evangelist extraordinaire'. You just have to be you-in-Christ. Then you can set aside frustration and walk in His peace.

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid

 

[Who me]

On 1/3/2021 at 10:02 AM, Thewhitedove said:

I've shared the Gospel with some New Age friends when they brought up something to do with spirituality, and they didnt get it at all. Their attitudes were pretty much 'that's good for you for not for me'.

I have agnostic friends who change the subject every single time I mention Jesus or the Bible, which I always try to do within the context of the conversation. 

Rather than seeking to introduce Jesus into every conversation may I suggest you wait for them to raise religion or spiritual matters, then you can join the conversation and again appropriate moment ask ' Why do you believe that? ' and once they have talked about it ask ' What evidence do you have for that belief? '

Just be sure you can also answer these two questions.

 

[Heleadethme]

There are ploughmen as well as reapers in the kingdom of God (reapers reap what others have worked hard for), and other roles/gifts as well, as the Lord apportions them.  It can be a very lonely walk, especially being married to an unbeliever, but in that loneliness we will seek and cling to the Lord even more and find our fellowship in Him....He is working everything together for our spiritual good.

I found that it wasn't enough to just be fed by whatever the church happens to be preaching on a given Sunday, (and unfortunately what they preached was often error or just their own thinking), but we need to dive into the word of God for ourselves and He will feed us what we specifically need personally....answering questions, encouraging, giving understanding, strengthening, or correcting us as we have need, etc.  Jesus is the Shepherd of our souls, and we grow over time....our relationship with Him grows and deepens over time as well.

Edited January 4, 2021 by Heleadethme

[Leonardo Von]

On 1/3/2021 at 7:02 AM, Thewhitedove said:

When it comes to the Great Commission, how do you share your faith? Do you just come out with it or do you wait for opportunities int he conversation to open up? 

As Paul said:

• 2Ti 4:1,2 -> "I charge thee in the sight of God, and of Christ Jesus, who shall judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be urgent in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.".