mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 If you have had an offense with the pastor; and exhausted every possibility of working things out; have been told you didn't do anything wrong; and have still been exempt from attending certain services; and been blocked by the pastor and his family--at that point do I make the public aware of what happened (probably through an online review service like google or yelp)? I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry; there is a part of me that is; but I'm honestly more upset that I don't even think they think they did anything wrong (i.e. verbally insulting me; abandoning me), and the assistant pastor just sort of avoids everything cuz he doesn't really know what happened, and when we did talk; the pastor talked in code so that the truth wouldn't come out. but anyways; I wrestle with this because I really do care about them, but is it really loving for me to just let them go scott free? Part of me feels like it isn't wise to let people live under that leadership knowing that the pastor could just one day just cut people off with no discussion, no warning--if you've ever experienced that from anyone, it's an emotional trauma like no other; especially from someone you were close with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray12614 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Senior Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 9 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 665 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 749 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/22/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 25 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said: If you have had an offense with the pastor; and exhausted every possibility of working things out; have been told you didn't do anything wrong; and have still been exempt from attending certain services; and been blocked by the pastor and his family--at that point do I make the public aware of what happened (probably through an online review service like google or yelp)? I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry; there is a part of me that is; but I'm honestly more upset that I don't even think they think they did anything wrong (i.e. verbally insulting me; abandoning me), and the assistant pastor just sort of avoids everything cuz he doesn't really know what happened, and when we did talk; the pastor talked in code so that the truth wouldn't come out. but anyways; I wrestle with this because I really do care about them, but is it really loving for me to just let them go scott free? Part of me feels like it isn't wise to let people live under that leadership knowing that the pastor could just one day just cut people off with no discussion, no warning--if you've ever experienced that from anyone, it's an emotional trauma like no other; especially from someone you were close with. Interesting question . . . . without details, it is impossible to advise you on this except to say that google and Yelp reviews are definitely off limits for you to criticize the leadership of your church. According to Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17 there are ways to get these things resolved. Very few people I know do all of what Jesus said in these matters that are unresolved, and the results are sometimes devastating to the church. Real leaders do what they can to get these things taken care of before it spreads into the church. Whatever you do, do it prayerfully. Remember, the church is Jesus' church not yours, or your pastors. You both are 'part' of the church with different functions. If at all possible . . . reconcile. Grace and Peach . . . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 539 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,851 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 23,550 Days Won: 226 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted April 11, 2021 Pastors are supposed to be doing Gods work so why would anyone "review " them ? It is NOT a popularity contest. Usually every church ( at least where I live ) has some sort of board or committee of elders to oversee things like this so you may be better off talking to them or writing a private letter to them If all else fails why not find a different church to attend ? If neither party thinks they did anything wrong it just becomes an " I said He said " situation and no one benefits from that . Better to pray for them and move on with your life as it doesnt sound as if you can have a healthy and good relationship with that particular church any more . Dont see how anyone can be " blocked " from attending public worship at a church . Not sure what you want to happen as it doesnt sound as if either side is listening but anger only hurts the person who is angry 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 1 minute ago, Ray12614 said: Interesting question . . . . without details, it is impossible to advise you on this except to say that google and Yelp reviews are definitely off limits for you to criticize the leadership of your church. According to Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17 there are ways to get these things resolved. Very few people I know do all of what Jesus said in these matters that are unresolved, and the results are sometimes devastating to the church. Real leaders do what they can to get these things taken care of before it spreads into the church. Whatever you do, do it prayerfully. Remember, the church is Jesus' church not yours, or your pastors. You both are 'part' of the church with different functions. If at all possible . . . reconcile. Grace and Peach . . right, i agree...that was basically the crux of the first message...i exhausted every option in terms of reconciliation--went directly...got nowhere...brought a third party...when that happened the pastor spoke in code and really didn't let me get much in; and the assistant pastor who was the third party just said he didn't really understand what the problem was and so just sort of left it; even though I explained that I had been essentially verbally insulted and then cut off with no explanation and still not getting any explanations; but i think the assistant pastor was probably just trying to keep his job tbh, but that's just speculation; and he really didn't do anything wrong imo. Just seems very shady thats all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tzephanyahu Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,625 Content Per Day: 0.79 Reputation: 2,033 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/10/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 Hi @mlssufan01 I hate to sound so obvious, but what do you think the Messiah would do? Do you think, if He came in this day and age, He would have left reviews on Google or Yelp complaining about the religious authorities? It does sound like you've been a tricky situation and I appreciate the frustration you must feel. But I would leave the matter to God and let Him handle it. Conversely, if you do decide to handle it yourself in your own power, then you may be putting yourself under God's Judgement on this matter if you're not careful. In short, sigh and turn the other cheek. I know it's frustrating but there will be many more times in the near future where we will be challenged like this, and much worse. So maybe use this incident as practice Love & Shalom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appy Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 23 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,864 Content Per Day: 0.62 Reputation: 2,596 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 This obsession you have with this family, has been going on for a long time. It's been now 4 or 5 yrs since you initially brought this up in the chatroom. And bring it back up every 6 months to a year. I don't think it is out of place to recommend that you make an appointment with a counselor concerning this. You've been given excellent advice in the past by many, many caring individuals. The family isn't here to tell us their side of the story, even though you have been honest about your part in the situation. As someone in the past has told you that pursuing the family or the pastor can land you in deep legal trouble. Your obsession with that family and pastor isn't healthy. You need someone you can talk to in person about your obsession. Preferably a counselor; We can't make this family or the pastor to want you back in their lives again. Neither can anyone reading google or yelp. That family and pastor have their reason's for not wanting you back in their lives and making this public information is NOT going to change things. You need to get yourself involved in other activities that will help take your mind off of this. Find a hobby or activity you enjoy that isn't online. Because clearly, being online gives you constant reminders. A counselor can't make the family or the pastors allow you back into their lives, but the counselor can help you deal with this issue in other healthy ways. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, appy said: This obsession you have with this family, has been going on for a long time. It's been now 4 or 5 yrs since you initially brought this up in the chatroom. I don't think it is out of place to recommend that you make an appointment with a counselor concerning this. You've been given excellent advice in the past by many, many caring individuals. The family isn't here to tell us their side of the story, even though you have been honest about your part in the situation. As someone in the past has told you that pursuing the family or the pastor can land you in deep legal trouble. Your obsession with that family and pastor isn't healthy. You need someone you can talk to in person about your obsession. Preferably a counselor; We can't make this family or the pastor to want you back in their lives again. Neither can anyone reading google or yelp. That family and pastor have their reason's for not wanting you back in their lives and making this public information is NOT going to change things. You need to get yourself involved in other activities that will help take your mind off of this. Find a hobby or activity you enjoy that isn't online. Because clearly, being online gives you constant reminders. A counselor can't make the family or the pastors allow you back into their lives, but the counselor can help you deal with this issue in other healthy ways. actually this is a new church , different place, very similar thing, different people. maybe what's bothering me is I don't know what i'm doing wrong and nobody can tell me what I'm doing wrong. *edit...well new in the sense of different from the previous one; i was at this one for about 3 years now. Edited April 11, 2021 by mlssufan01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appy Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 23 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,864 Content Per Day: 0.62 Reputation: 2,596 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 1 hour ago, mlssufan01 said: If you have had an offense with the pastor; and exhausted every possibility of working things out; have been told you didn't do anything wrong; and have still been exempt from attending certain services; and been blocked by the pastor and his family--at that point do I make the public aware of what happened (probably through an online review service like google or yelp)? I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry; there is a part of me that is; but I'm honestly more upset that I don't even think they think they did anything wrong (i.e. verbally insulting me; abandoning me), and the assistant pastor just sort of avoids everything cuz he doesn't really know what happened, and when we did talk; the pastor talked in code so that the truth wouldn't come out. but anyways; I wrestle with this because I really do care about them, but is it really loving for me to just let them go scott free? Part of me feels like it isn't wise to let people live under that leadership knowing that the pastor could just one day just cut people off with no discussion, no warning--if you've ever experienced that from anyone, it's an emotional trauma like no other; especially from someone you were close with. 37 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said: actually this is a new church , different place, very similar thing, different people. maybe what's bothering me is I don't know what i'm doing wrong and nobody can tell me what I'm doing wrong. *edit...well new in the sense of different from the previous one; i was at this one for about 3 years now. Does this current situation involve children? Anyways, it takes both sides to want to be reconciled for a friendship to be restored, and if the other side is not willing to be reconciled. They aren't going to, not even if people here on worthy or any other website sided with you. As someone has already said, all you can do is leave the situation in God's hands and let God sort it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who me Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,300 Content Per Day: 1.72 Reputation: 1,686 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 3 hours ago, mlssufan01 said: have been told you didn't do anything wrong; and have still been exempt from attending certain services; By exempt do you mean, not allowed to attend church services? I would turn up any way and if denied access ask very loudly why. Otherwise does this church belong to an organisation with some sort of oversight. Failing that send a designation letter stating your disappointment that the minister will not talk to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 2 hours ago, appy said: Does this current situation involve children? Anyways, it takes both sides to want to be reconciled for a friendship to be restored, and if the other side is not willing to be reconciled. They aren't going to, not even if people here on worthy or any other website sided with you. As someone has already said, all you can do is leave the situation in God's hands and let God sort it out. the pastor has children in their late 20's and early 30's; so in essence we are all adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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