Learning to Forgive

[Kansasdad]

Oh I can relate. One of my major struggles right now is forgiveness. I was caught up in some ones pride and power play that destroyed my career (for a short time) and up rooted my family. Our life dramatically and permantly changed. I know the decisions this person is making will have a devastating effect on the entire community, and there is a part of me that wants to see him and the whole town suffer. I sighlently root for his demise.

I pray for him, I pray for the business (which is a hospital) and I pray for a change in my heart, but real forgiveness is hard.

The change in our lives has turned out to be a tremendous blessing for my entire family, Gods hand was definitely involved. but the pain and anger during that time are still there. Just keep praying daily and trust that God will take care of your heart.

God Bless,

Kansas Dad

[roc_rus]

I thought I would somethings to what everyone else is saying. I am going through exactly what you are speaking of. The thing with me is I was already saved in Christ when I faultered with my own weakness. Because somethings were never addressed after I gave me life to God, they resurfaced at stressful moments in my life. To make a long story short I said somethings about a very close sister in Christ (we lived together for 6 years, and have not went a day without talking to each other since we met). The very people I called my self venting to (also sisters in Christ) decided to go t her and tell all I said and omit what they said. After they felt they had done the right thing they decided to call ameeting with the pastor of our church, themselves, me roommate and myself to confront me.

Well the Lord prepared me and said to take responsibility for what I said repent to Him and apologize to the one I spoke about, without accusing them of what they said which would only do more damage and bring up more hurtful things. They all said they forgave me and thee loved me and was concerned about how I would react to this and not to stop being their friend/sister.

Well they all abandoned me. My sister no longer speaks to me, we no longer live together, and she will not let me interact with her children (my nieces) at all. But I chose to forgive them. Christ has forgivien me for doing much worse to Him, why would I harbor something so mediocre towards people I really love. Yes the devil speaks that they abandoned me when I really needed them, they never loved me, they don't care that they have turned your life upside down and torn apart your family.... But we are all human, mistakes happen, we can all be used by the enemy and them be accused of the very use he used us for. Love covers a mutitude of sin, my love is greater than their sin and vice versa (some people take a while to learn this). But we are to imitate Christ until these things no longer take thought but are automatic.

Yes it hurts, at times I get lonely ALL my friends in Christ have turned from me, but this does not define who I am. I had to forgive myself first off, then forgive them. And remember our fight is not with flesh but the spirits that cause the flesh to do things contrary to Christ and His teachings. Do the opposite of what the devil wants you to do (this is a process), if he says to not speak to them-I speak, don't pray for them-I pray, to curse them-I bless them. It is all based on our willing mind and heart. Read books on forgiveness, Charls Stanley has a great one called The Gift of Forgiveness. This really helped me understand what forgiveness is and what unforgiveness can do to you, it takes a conscious effort and the UNCONDITINAL love of Christ. I hope this helps at all

[gypc]

This is tough but we must forgive. So since we must, we gotta figure out how. I would say that 80% of all christians have been hurt really bad by others........probably more but I had to put up some number

What I do......... is consider what others had to endure. Ok......picture this.......Your sittin at home eating supper, the door slams open........people with weapons come in and take your parents.............then you see a man giving the orders. He tells his men to kill them....so they do and leave. Your stuck there with the grief.

Then a few years later your still going to church.........your praising God, your feelin good and in walks that same man who gave the orders to kill your folks. But this time he's preachin the gospel.........and the leaders of your fellowship are tellin the people that what he says is the truth and ya gotta listen and do what he says because God sent him. Whoa!!!!!!! are you kiddin?

I just described the early church and a man named Saul who killed christians then became one, changed his name to Paul and wrote most of the new testement.

[PwrInTheBld]

Forgivness is tough.  I don't know about anyone else but forgetting is easier then forgiving...or maybe I should say putting it behind me.  Either way it's impossible without God.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I used to think that....if I just put it behind me and move on. Don't think about it, don't dwell on it, I'll be fine....I did this for years.

I can tell you in no uncertain terms....God let me know that "not thinking about it" was not forgiving. He did not let up, as much as I fought having to do what I knew I needed to do....He kept it on my heart. I eventually faced and forgave the person who sexually abused me through most of my childhood.

I'll tell you sometime alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about how He finally got through to me

[kittylover0991]

These are all great posts.. thankyou.. i wish i knew how to reply to everythign that i was just told.. but the only thing that comes to mind is bible thumper

[justme7]

first of all, i am like nite owl.......more skeletons in my closet than can fit for sure.

on the issue of how do we forgive ourselves.......we may not, but we can have faith that the LORD has and will continue to do so, as long as we are faithful to confess.

as for how to forgive others.......it's not easy to do by ourselves, and knowing that GOD has made provision for us in CHRIST. we can go to HIM and confess our difficulty. we can tell HIM everything, our deepest and most ugly thoughts. if we are faithful to go to HIM, HE is faithful not only to forgive,but to help us in our weakness. HE will continually stand in the gap for us. i can so relate to finding it very hard to forgive certain people. it's an awesome thing to know for certain that CHRIST has taken on our sin and weaknesses. in my own life i have noticed a trend: when i despair and everything seems impossible, i inevitably come to the point of conviction where i have to realize that i have not taken it all to GOD. without HIM, without communication and abiding in HIM; we are utterly unable to do good and to overcome. especially for those of us who know and profess faith in HIM. we tend to find that without HIM we are completely unable to cope.

i hope that you don't fall into feeling like a 'bad' person for your feelings right now.

all of us struggle. there are seasons of hardship, trials, and tests. know that the

LORD who saved you is willing and able to make you stand. trust in HIM. when it seems that we have no one to talk to, no one that we can be completely honest with, we must go to GOD. HE wants us as believers to continually learn to rest in HIM---to overcome in HIM---and to trust in HIM, walking by faith and not by sight.

may the LORD bless and encourage you and HIS HOLY SPIRIT guide and comfort you. we can do all things in CHRIST, mainly because there is nothing too big for HIM.

there is a situation in my life currently where i find forgiveness very challenging. all i can do is trust that if i am faithful to take it before the LORD, admitting my own sin and difficulty and asking for HIM to help me in this area, telling HIM that i find it so hard and cannot do it alone....HE will be faithful. a neat thing is that while i look at the condition of my own heart and confess it, my mind and anger are taken off of that other person. GOD sees all and there is no one who will not give account to HIM. if we believe that, there is so much comfort in it.