How much can a Pastor say to his wife

[Iryssa]

I've never heard of the "not a member? can't sing in the choir!" rule...I can see a church wanting to know a thing or two about a person's character before letting them help out...but that's a little much. Not to mention the baptism thing! At my church, if you get baptized there, it's usually BEFORE you become a member. Makes a little more sense that way, if you ask me.

[kittylover0991]

Last time I checked.. one of the two ways to join the church is through believer's baptism.. if you have already been baptised after salvation.. then i think .. i think.. you meet with the deacons.. give a testimony of salvation(?) .. not sure what else.. i joined through baptism

[Iryssa]

Talked to my pastor about it, and he said pretty much the same thing about my baptism, Kittylover Only I didn't meet with the deacons, I just met with him (he was my youth pastor at the time). Apparently he went to the elders and the senior pastor about it with his take on the matter. *grin* Apparently he didn't realize that I'd never had church membership explained to me by that time Anyway, I'd already been on the praise team and doing other leadership things for the youth group by that time, so apparently the non-member thing still wasn't an issue.

[Giaour]

I need a data base of all the Christian churches in Florida that I can ask them questions and get answers. Like a job application .LOL

[Guest louise]

My question is simply.. when someone goes and talks to a pastor.. say by mouth or even by writing it down.. how much are they allowed to say to their wife? I mean.. if you were to write something down to give to your pastor(in this case youth pastor)... is it alright for them to show that to their wife without asking?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would say that what he did was right.As a man and wife are suppose to be one.He has to protect himself.As satan could use a situation like this to cause trouble.Our Pastor doesn`t do any visits or counseling with out his wife or daughter present.You know what people are like.He also probably thought she would be able to help you out.Also you sound like you have taken offence, but don`t.satan uses all these things to side track us.The best is to be direct and ask him why.Then you can stop wondering.Remember the longer you think about it the more you stew.(Talking from expierence)

[kittylover0991]

OK.. i talked to my youth pastor about this exact situation.. i didnt' say much because i became nervous and i also explained that to him

but he understands . well... i told him i understand why...

The only thing i could of askig him was "now what.. i gave you the paper.. you read it.. now what?".. i also told him i couldnt' think of another way to say it(I ramble when nervous ) and he asked me about talking Saturday.. so

Thankyou so much for all of your advice and louise, you are right.. i did take offense to it.. i was upset with him that he gave it to his wife without asking me.. and the Lord showed me to the bottom of my anger.. how is really wasnt' at the youth pastor.. he was just an outlet.. my real anger was that God had taken away my old youth pastor and I was stuck with someone else who knew nothing about me.. i couldnt' ask him for help on certain issues because i didnt' know him enough.. and a man that didnt do things that way I expected... in fact.. he is the EXACT OPPOSITE of my old youth pastor.. other than that he has love and he cares for us all and prays for us

That anger came out when he talked to his wife. I had previously talked to my old youth(I will just call him PL) and he had asked me about talking to his wife. My new Youth Pastor(I'll call him PS) didn't ask.. i keep finding all these differences between teh two and getting more and more upset... I calmed down Saturday after some differnte people reasoned with me on why he might have done what he did... and it all made sense.. i had never really considered.. that as husband and wife.. they woudl tell each other what a teen talked to one of them about.. i always thought it was secret between teh teen and youth pastor unless reasons came that they had to be said(such as drugs .. etc)...

Ok, so I am back to being nervous about talking to him... and I am trying to get used to his wife.. but since last Saturday... i feel like i know him better.. i have more respect for him.. I can actually call him my youth pastor and not just "the new youth pastor".. say MY youth pastor.. it feels right.. and not so empty... I can see him for who he really is.. and I love his wife so much more now...

I think i am starting to see him as more than a youth pastor.. more like a father... i watch how is acts with his children..adn then with the youth group...

Thankyou so much for all of your prayers and advice... and for those that saw me in the chat.. thankyou for putting up with me..

*still open for any advice though *

[Giaour]

How wonderful Kitty,

I'm so glad everything is working out. It's hard sometimes to get used to a new leader. Be patient, I bet he's as nervous as you are.

[Smalcald]

In general I would say that unless the wife is a co-pastor, or has some official standing in the ministry beyond his wife, that these types of communications should be confidential, between the member and the pastor.

The pastor should have asked for permission to share anything of a spiritual nature between you and him, with his wife, that would be okay, but not without your permission.

I think it shows a lack of judgement and a lack of maturity for him to do otherwise.

[Guest stevej]

In general I would say that unless the wife is a co-pastor, or has some official standing in the ministry beyond his wife, that these types of communications should be confidential, between the member and the pastor. 

The pastor should have asked for permission to share anything of a spiritual nature between you and him, with his wife, that would be okay, but not without your permission.

I think it shows a lack of judgement and a lack of maturity for him to do otherwise.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree with you. However, i still am like most of the others and feel that a pastor of any sort should protect himself when counseling. A woman trusted should be present. There are other things that can happen when counseling is taking place.

The worst case i can remember like this was one sunday morning a lady came down front to ask the pastor to pray for her. She explained her problem which was heard by everyone in the congregation because the sound folks failed to turn off the pastors portable microphone. Neither the owman or the pastor was aware until after the services. She never returned to the church. I know this story v ery well, because I was responsible for that area of ministry at that particular church. The mistake was never repeated i assure you.

[darkest_red]

I agree that it is a good idea for a pastor to have someone else with him for his own protection but he still should have asked before he shared what he was told in confidence. If she had wanted to speak to his wife outright, she would've done. Out of respect for her confidence, he should have explained that perhaps his wife could help her more competently than he could. I don't think it is right to show something that was given to him in confidence to someone else without permission.