How much can a Pastor say to his wife

[Iryssa]

*nods* I agree...I would have no problem with a pastor telling his wife things, so long as he lets me know that that's what the plan is. Of course, I usually go to my pastor's wife first anyway, but if she was some sort of blathermouth I wouldn't be telling either of them anything.

[kittylover0991]

Either way.. I talk to him tommarow morning.. Lord willing The Lord gave me the guts to approach him about talking to his wife.. and then about talking to him at some point..

I think I just might talk to the Pastor about this.. such as the guidelines for it so that I can know for sure..

[kittylover0991]

Yeah.. i know.. everyone must be sick of this thread.. I am sick of it myself...

I talked to my youth pastor today.. and by the end of the discussion(is wasn't much of a discussion)... he said "Well what's the problem... (after I said something to him: ) .... It has been a week.. there shouldnt be a problem anymore right?"

[Guest stevej]

I talked to my youth pastor today.. and by the end of the discussion(is wasn't much of a discussion)... he said "Well what's the problem... (after I said something to him: ) .... It has been a week.. there shouldnt be a problem anymore right?"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kitty,

You know my opinion. I continue to pray that God will give you the wisdom to know what to say and how to say it.

[Arthur Durnan]

It's another no-brainer - never alone with a member of the opposite sex! We owe at least this much to our spouse. Wasn't this the determination also of Billy Graham & Jerry Falwell?

http://www.arthurdurnan.freeyellow.com

[kittylover0991]

Thanks Steve

Arthur, lol Actually, his little girl was in the office... the teens were outside the door.. and adults kept going in and out of his office :whistle:

[kittylover0991]

Ok.. yeah.. I understand If we did just go back to the basics, then ya.. people probably woudlnt' get into as much trouble in the church...

My little problem is that I have an easier time talking to guys... especially say a youth pastor or a man that I have known at the church for a long time(one in particular.. he has been there since I have been going and is a bible institute graduate.. not to mention, he is best friends with my old youth pastor who is like a father to me)... I have a harder time to talking to women in the church.. I guess I feel somewhat intimidated to talk to them for some reason...

Therefore, it makes it a lot harder not to talk to the youth pastor, who I should be able to ask for advice. At this point, I would rather him have just sent me to his wife.. but he didn't.. I can't approach his wife well as I dont' know her very well yet...

Sure, call these excuses.. but it is the truth...

oh yes, thankyou everyone for putting up with me...

[kittylover0991]

whoops.. it posted it twice.. sorry

Edited August 28, 2005 by kittylover0991

[Smalcald]

Well I wrestle with this a little.

If the guy is going to share stuff with his wife, how about his brother, how about his grown children? Where is the line on confidentiality and basic professionalism and maturity? If the idea is that all spiritual concerns brought to the pastor will be shared with a pastors wife, that should be made clear to the entire congregation.

In addition we have direct biblical guidance that women are not to be ordained as pastors or deacons, it is very direct. We can choose to ignore that, but it is there. As far as having two people during counseling sessions, I would say that is a very valid concern, but there are solutions to that, and certainly if a wife is part of the ministry, and her role is to counsel women, than that should be clearly exclaimed and put out there, so there would be no confusion.

A congregation with immature or vindictive leaders is probably not a place that one should stay, it can be very damaging spiritually, and is not worth it. The beauty of being a Protestant is that we can find a Church home that fully proclaims the Gospel as they should, and are not stuck in unhealthy situations.

[Iryssa]

Well I wrestle with this a little.

If the guy is going to share stuff with his wife, how about his brother, how about his grown children? Where is the line on confidentiality and basic professionalism and maturity? 

Though we haven't addressed the issue of sharing with other people besides the spouse here, the answer to this has been implied many times: A man and wife are one in flesh. Not a man and his brother, or a man and his children. Just man and wife. Certainly, those other two relationships are very close...but I don't think anyone here with a spouse, brother, and kids would say that the relationships are exactly the same.

If the idea is that all spiritual concerns brought to the pastor will be shared with a pastors wife, that should be made clear to the entire congregation.

I kinda agree...but the issues we have been addressing here have mostly had to do with a female talking about issues in private with the pastor...I think we'd all agree that this requires a different level of accountability between the pastor and his wife.

In addition we have direct biblical guidance that women are not to be ordained as pastors or deacons, it is very direct. We can choose to ignore that, but it is there.  As far as having two people during counseling sessions, I would say that is a very valid concern, but there are solutions to that, and certainly if a wife is part of the ministry, and her role is to counsel women, then that should be clearly exclaimed and put out there, so there would be no confusion.

Indeed, a little communication goes a long way to preventing conflict. I don't think that there's any question here of the wife's role being to counsel women professionally, though. Many pastor's wives simply aren't trained to do that sort of thing...on the level of friendly counsel and advice, I think it generally (though there are some exceptions) goes without saying that a pastor's wife takes up a mentor's role to many young women in the church.

A congregation with immature or vindictive leaders is probably not a place that one should stay, it can be very damaging spiritually, and is not worth it. 

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Agreed