Am I part of a dying breed?

[Smalcald]

Please answer me how can you have fun if you don't drink or go out n have fun? Being honest you'll always finish last and be bored...

Well we have quite a bit of fun and don't go out drinking, both now when we were dating. Also before I was dating anybody I had great fun without the drudgery of the bar and party life.

We are really into the outdoors, so we spend quite a bit of time kayaking, camping, hiking etc. My wife likes to dance, I really don't but I do with her, but you don't need to be drinking to dance. I also like eating out and enjoy cooking. I don't know, the world is full of exciting fun things to do without going out drinking or partying, which really isn't that much fun anyway, it is kind of a false reality a fake.

As far as being last, what do you mean? I mean life isn't a competition, at least not a life lived for Christ, how could you beat anybody? In the end that entire sort of thing is meaningless, we have all already won the most important thing there is, and we didn

[Guest shiloh357]

Shiloh.

Its not that I don't know the definition of love. Its that I don't meet that standard and I'm tired of pretending I do. T his isn't about whether or not a guy is supposed to do all those good things you listed, I know we are! Hey, don't you think I have thought about that? Don't you think other christian guys dream of being that good to their future wife too? Of being a source of comfort and strength and security? Of treating her like a princess, and yet loving her as an equal at the same time? Silly romantic fantasies where I'd do everything right and she'd be happy and healthy and loved? But because I admit I can't meet that standard, you instantly start giving me the definition of love like I'm stupid or something. Well, like Forest Gump said, "I'm not a smart man, but I do know what love is."

It was not my intention to imply that you were stupid. The reason I bring up the biblical definition of love is because you are saying that I am talking about a standard you can't meet, and I just don't think that is so. God does not expect anything from us that He does not also give us the power achieve.

My point, if you read everything I said, is that we must turn to Christ. Perfect love is impossible in our own strength, but when surrender ourselves, and our imperfections to the Lord, He lives His love through us. You don't meet the standard and neither do I. I realize I am not telling you something you don't know, but sometimes it is good to be reminded of the basics.

We all have had our own sets of struggles. I struggle with loneliness. I am the only person in my immediate family and relatives that is not married. I have been shot down so many times, I have lost count. It is hard for me to go to shopping malls and resturaunts because I am constantly reminded of what I don't have. I used to sell furniture at a high end furniture store, and I was constantly plagued with newly weds buying their first livingroom sets and stuff. It was difficult. If you listen to how my pastor preaches, you would think the only people he thinks attend our church are married people. It is something I constantly have to give over to the Lord.

What I am saying is that if you recognize these things you mentioned and you don't like them, this is the ideal time to begin allowing the Lord to remove these things from your heart. This is the ideal time for the healing from past hurts and defeats to begin. It is true that your wife is not going to fall out of the sky, but we also need to give the Lord something to work with. It would be really easy for me to get all bitter about being alone all these years. Instead I try to find ways to use that time for productive activities that benefit the Kingdom.

[Smalcald]

Yeah, I mean what is it, what is drinking/partying?

You sit around and drink a beverage and it makes you feel high, that

[Guest mc 4 JC]

Paul also says in 1Corinthians 7:7-8,

[Pipit]

The problem with being one of the few good men is that we seem to keep on getting fewer....

...I went to a university with a girl to guy ratio of 7 to 1, and despite how many of my classmates and peers were female, few of them were godly by any standard. Yet, I am glad to say that I have many female friends who are totally awesome in their relationship with Christ, in their personality, in their emotional well-being, and who are drop dead beautiful in every way! And most of them are getting married off this summer to awesome, Godly, devoted, caring and kind men who, for the most part, can cook--and not just on a BBQ (I have trained some of those guys well)!

I would say this... though at times I feel lonely, i am for the most part content with being single. If it is my lot in life, I can live with it and live with it happily, for mine is devotion to God. Yet if God blesses me with a wife (and I do honestly hope for such a blessing), I will live happily with that as well, for mine is devotion to God!

mc 4 JC, you give a good word... totally agree with it... and walking in it!

[Smalcald]

Scripture calls us to be committed first to marriage.

The problem I see in thinking there is only one women or one man in the whole universe that God has ordained for you, is that once you are married, and times get tough as they often do after ten, twenty or thirty years, do we then say oh oh, I misread God, this was not the women for me! I would be happier in my marriage if this was the woman God has ordained, thus I need to leave the marriage and keep on looking, and I made a mistake.

There is nothing in the New Testament about there being only one woman or one man in the whole universe for another person; there is however numerous warnings that marriage is never to be broken (there is biblical divorce but that is not what I am talking about here). I think there are many many people we all could love and be happy with, but once we are married then the two become one flesh, and at that point the person truly becomes a soul mate, as one, tied together by God alone.

I just think we set such a high standard sometimes that we make marriage or dating or even regular friendships and relationships impossible, we are all weak and fallible people, we will not always feel like we love the one we marry, even though we do.

[Mongo]

Please answer me how can you have fun if you don't drink or go out n have fun? Being honest you'll always finish last and be bored...

I am hardly bored. Being Christian doesn't mean you can't do stuff. Some Christians might live in a box, but some don't. It varies from person to person. You just have to learn how to moderate what you do.

[Giaour]

Am I part of a dying breed?

Yes!

Next question, please.

LOL

[mikado5001]

Wow, I am lifted up by the encouraging words I read here today. I regret that I was asleep, and unable to respond sooner. Joys of the periodic graveyard shift, I guess. I know I have alot of work to do on myself. But I have heard prophetic voices of good council. Both here and among face to face fellowship. That I need to slow down a notch. The appearance of desperation, that is. I believe that women can sense this.

I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST COFFEE DRINKERS. Personally I never got the taste for it. I was, on that point, musing about the bemused stares I get at work when I tell people I don't drink coffee. I know MANY a coffee drinker. And like them all. So I have nothing particular against coffee drinkers. Nor light, ONE GLASS WITH DINNER, alchohol drinkers. I caught a bit of flack from another, non-Christian oriented, board. My frustration in the moment I initially typed it led me to sound like a boring stiff. I am not this at all.

[Guest sallystrothers]

Sadly, most men think they are the best man out there when it comes to women. This is a proven fact to me!!!!

It was revealed to me by a good friend who I briefly dated. She asked me why all the men she dated thought they were the best thing to happen to her?

I was guilty myself!!!!

Put away your good personality traits for a rainy day. I have gone into many relationships by portraying myself as awesome, and although I can own up to most of my claims there is no exploration left to be had. As a result I have been able to swoon lots of women only to have them dump me several months later when they realized I had nothing more to give them.