Can you share how you got saved?

[Marathoner]

2 hours ago, itty-bitty lamb said:

i grew up in an abusive environment. my father beat us all the time to the point of blood, and we didnt have a home. We lived out of two vans. We traveled and slept anywhere on the side of the road. When it was school season my father would enroll us into a school and stay in the community for the months until school was out, and we would travel again. Never in the same school for more than 2 years. my father would drop us off in town in the morning and tell us where to be at a certain time to be picked back up. We were mall rats. We stole honey and ketchup packets from places like McDonalds because we were hungry. i grew up in survival mode all the time. We never talked about religion. i didnt know what churches were for. God didnt exist according to my father. We were in Alaska when my father put a gun to my head. He was mad at me and angry because i told him to stop hitting on my brother. it devastated me, and i ended up mentioning it to a teacher because she saw i was not engaging in school. The child services took us away, split us up, and placed us into foster homes. i spent three years in foster homes with four different families, before child services found my mother. State gave custody over to my mother, and they flew me to Tennessee to live with her. i was 15 years old.

At this time she was going to church. She would ask me every weekend if i wanted to go and i would say no. i didnt understand any of it, and even why she was going. She respected me and would always leave me at home while she went.

But one night i was too overwhelmed with myself and my past. And i was heavy crying. And i was trying to find answers to my past. i didnt understand why my childhood was robbed like that. i didnt see any good in this world. i was upset people were saying there was a good God, and i spent all night trying to reason with myself over whether God was a good God or not. i fell asleep that night reasoning, that i had no proof God was good and loved me, but i decided to have faith anyways that He was good despite everything in my past.

And that night i had a dream. i was being chased by wolves through a forest. i saw a circle of light and ran to the middle of it and realized the wolves couldnt come into the light. i collapsed and cried, as the wolves circled me. i felt alone and helpless. And then a man came to the edge of the circle of light, asking if he could step in. The wolves didnt touch him. And i said yes. And he came into the light and sat next to me. i asked him his name and he said he was Jesus, but i didnt exactly know who that was. and he asked me if he was my God. i replied 'sure'. But he asked me again if he was my God, and i replied 'yeah'. And then he still asked me again a third time if he was my God, and this time i said 'yes'. And then he said 'then go, and do as I say'.

And i woke up to my mother knocking on my door. She said she was going to church and will be back soon. i jumped out of bed and hollered back to give me 5 minutes to get dressed because i wanted to come.

i had never been in a church before. i sat there listening to the preacher. i just knew that i needed to do something. i didnt know what. But the preacher came to me and said he could see in my face that i believed in God, and he led me through the sinners prayer, and then i was immediately baptised in the spirit with speaking in tongues. i didnt even know what it was. i was just so overwhelmed by a wind of love and peace and lightness that it just came out of me. And i saw it like a wind with wings. It was flowing through the church like a misty light, and it was touching people. But there was three other people it wanted to touch but their doors were not open. i dont know how to explain that, sorry. But i told the preacher and pointed the three people out, that the spirit was trying to touch them also. And the preacher prayed over those three people in turn, and these three people were baptised in the spirit for the first time also. At the end of the service they explained to me the Trinity; God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.

For the next four years i was deep into the Bible. i read it from cover to cover a dozen times, just so hungry to learn about God. The church matched me with another man and we married. i thought it was what God wanted me to do. But the marriage didnt last long. He was sleeping with another woman who was also married. There were a lot of hurts that happened in the church because of this. People mad at people. i dont know why, but i think it was because the family of my ex-husband were prominent members of the church, but they blamed me for not being a good wife. i withdrew away, not feeling welcomed anymore. And stopped going. i also ran away from everything, and moved to another state. 

i tried to make it on my own for about 3 years, but became suicidal. i was just done with people. i knew how i was going to go out, and had everything planned and laid out. And i prayed to God and told Him that i was going to go to a church just to hear His word one more time, but was going to commit suicide at home afterwards. And it was a huge mega church that i went to that day. And a woman came up to me and said that she felt compelled by the Spirit to tell me that God loves me, and that He wants me to focus on my dreams. So that is what i did. i came home and instead of focusing on all the negative stuff i started focusing on positive stuff, and taking baby steps towards my dreams.

i came home to Tennessee, and tried getting planted into another church. And i made some friends, but then we all had a falling out. And i experienced another church hurt. i have remarried and i have a son now. This was my dream, was to have a family, and God gave me my own family. i dont attend a church right now because i am not ready to deal with people again. It is hard for me to be in a church community with people, but i love God with all my heart. His love is amazing, and His love has saved me and has upheld me. i wouldnt be here today without Him. i read His word and study it on my own and listen to podcasts about God because it is like water and air to my soul. i am sorry this was so long, and i could still go on and on how God has shown up for me, and spiritual warfare i have dealt with on my own, but i dont really share or tell my stories because i have nobody to tell them to. But i came across this thread, and i am new here, so i thought this is something i can reply to and share about God. Again, i am sorry it was such a long read.

There's no need to apologize, my friend. It is good to share our testimony with others, and I know how difficult that can be to do. It was hard for me as well. 

Welcome to Worthy! I'm glad that you're here. 

[Marathoner]

8 hours ago, Starise said:

Maybe a similarly interesting question to ask would be, what events led up to you deciding to become a believer?

That's a challenging question for some, brother. @itty-bitty lamb did well in answering that via testimony, but I admit to struggling with it myself. I would have to encapsulate my life leading up to that moment when the Lord revealed Himself to me and that's not easy to pull off. Perhaps I could if I focused upon the hand of the Lord in my life, which He revealed in fullness after I came to Him. When the Spirit declared that He had preserved me, I came to understand that God did just that starting from the day I was born. 

Some time ago I was driven to study the evil of man in detail, paying close attention to the case histories of men and women with anti-social personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and what extreme conditions under the power of such individuals can do to otherwise ordinary men, women, and children... their prey, in other words. We were the victims of a narcissistic abuser --- my mother --- and the testimony can seem rather dark and grim on the surface. Because my father opposed my mother's efforts at domination, manipulation, gaslighting, and using us as pawns in her schemes against him, he suffered no small measure of trauma. He remained because of us, refusing to abandon us by escaping our monstrous mother. 

This warfare was the root of the horror that I was born into and, because I was their only son, the means by which my mother sought to fashion me into a weapon aimed at my father, whom she hated. On top of his experiences in Vietnam, the war continued on for him in his own home. This proved to be a grievous combination. During my early childhood, our father terrified us all by demonstrating how dangerous he could be. My mother would assault my father... he would throw her across the room... she would get up and strike again... and he would become enraged. A neighbor called the military police one day in alarm (it was horrible to witness), ignorant of the fact that the MPs were my father's buddies. He was highly regarded by command and pulled a considerable amount of weight due to his skillset. In other words, my father could get away with just about anything short of murder. 

I watched while my father spoke with the MPs in front of our quarters. After they left, he marched swiftly to the quarters next door to ours. He kicked in the door, dragged out the service man who had called the MPs, and beat the poor fellow to a pulp on the pavement. I was horrified, brother. My father was a monster... and my mother used this to her advantage. She started grooming me to kill him one day. I'll never forget those "sessions" when my mother worked on me --- it was usually when she had failed to manipulate our father, or failed to physically hurt him --- because something was going on inside of me beyond her knowledge. There was a place which no one... not my mother nor my father... could touch. I played along to avoid a humiliating beating or torture but inside, I said to myself, "Never."

That "place" was the hand of the Lord upon me, though I didn't know that back then. No matter what I witnessed or endured... no matter how my mother tried to manipulate and program me... and in spite of my father's terrifying displays of rage, all of it was unspeakably evil to me. I would rather die than give in and become like they were; that was the promise I made to God whom I didn't know. That's what I would say over and over again in the night while my older sisters screamed. 

I was ahead of the so-called curve in my physical and mental development so that, by the time I reached my tenth birthday, I began to struggle with the darkest despair. This very adult despair tore into me relentlessly, opening up an abyss of agony; I experienced nightmares whenever I slept. Because of that, I would force myself to remain awake until I would pass out. This had a cumulative effect upon my resilience and mental health, which is when I first started suffering from major depressive disorder. The world was an evil place filled with lies and I couldn't bear it. That drove my first suicide attempt at age 11. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't work. I remained unscathed. 

The first fiery trial began when I found myself faced with a mindless rage directed at this sick world of darkness, and the efforts of my mother to brainwash me returned with a vengeance. All I could hear was her voice echoing in my mind... the screams of my sisters... and because I was powerless to do a thing to change what had happened in the past, I saw my father as the cause of it all. Killing him would be the only good thing I was capable of doing, so I began to ponder how to do just that. By this time --- I was 14 --- I was larger than he was, but I knew that I couldn't stand toe to toe with the man. I would have to ambush him if I had any chance of succeeding. However...

Inside, in that place which nothing could touch, I cried out against the monster I would become myself. No matter how horrible this world was, I couldn't possibly do such a thing to anyone. That mindless rage turned inward instead, further destroying my resilience. The attempts at suicide continued though just like that first attempt, nothing worked. They were driven by the knowledge that I was coming precariously close to transforming into someone that made both of my parents appear tame: more evil than my mother, and more terrifying than my father. I cried out to the God whom I didn't know as children sometimes do, pleading with Him to destroy me so I wouldn't violate the vow of my childhood. 

I started experiencing strange dreams and waking visions. It would take too many words and time to divulge the details of them all, so I will settle for this: I found myself in the company of a kind man. He was standing behind me so I couldn't see him, but I could hear his voice; he placed a hand upon my shoulder and said, "Do not be afraid. Be strong, for there is much you must face until the day comes. You will not fall."

Having studied case histories of monsters in human flesh, I came to understand how the Lord had preserved me from the day I was born. "Nature and nurture" conspired to make such a monster out of me, but I never lost the ability to empathize with others apart from myself, even my mother and father who terrorized us all. No matter what they had done, I couldn't bring myself to harm either one. I could conceptualize myself in their shoes. They were human beings like me. Human beings who had done terrible things to be sure, but the thought of hurting either one made me feel ill. 

That was the Lord's gift before He revealed Himself to me, His promise that I would not fall. So, when the Lord revealed Himself to me at last, I was moved by the power of God. He was so kind and merciful, giving me strength when I had none, and lifting me up from the darkest despair when there was no hope at all.

I hope this answered the question you posed above, brother. 

[Pop]

Long story short, I thought I was saved at a young age but don't think I really understood what it meant.  I fell into sin as I grew up and eventually found myself slowly dying.  The Lord led me out of sin and back to Him, and saved my life.  I know only He could have done it.  Excited to see where He leads me next.

[itty-bitty lamb]

On 11/7/2023 at 2:23 PM, Starise said:

Welcome @itty-bitty lamb

So glad to have you here. I appreciate you telling us your story. You had quite a bumpy ride there. It troubles me to hear of people who attempted to go to a church, and for one reason or another left. I hope you can once again find a good church. Some churches are genuine. Others are not as you have seen, and even the best of them have people with imperfections. If you pray for direction to a church I feel the Lord will lead you to one.

This internet website is great, but it makes a poor substitute for a real chuch. Things work a little differently than meeting people in real life. When I think of what most people call church, I think of those friends I have made over time here and there. Some long gone and others very recent. I don't see a stuffy building. I see a group of people who while different, share my beliefs. I have made friends here and that's great.

It's nice to meet you here and I hope you find both fulfilling materials and good people to connect with. I'm not much for the chat section, but it's there for you if you like it as some others here do. There's also the PM features which are great for getting to know others here you feel some commonality with.You will find some differences on a few theological issues. These should always be secondary to our fellowship. I recently looked over a bunch of our members who were here, sometimes staying for years and then one day they are gone, which I guess is just mostly due to "life" in general. I sometimes see church the same way when members come and go. People move away, people find a fit they think works better for them, yet there are those who it seems will only leave the church in a casket, and many of those people are the finest examples of human beings I know. Same here. There are a few die hards. Some of us spend far too much time here *ahem*.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

i wouldn't say that i want nothing to do with churches. i really believe that a church (a gathering or community of like-minded believers) is good for any Christian heart and walk. i feel the Lord wants us to help each other, pray for each other, learn from each other, and worship together. i also believe it is not necessary for salvation, but definitely something that helps us mature in the body of Christ. So i am of a positive mind for churches. i know we are all just trying to do the best we know how. i just personally have some deep church-hurts and it is tough for me to imagine exposing myself to that again. i do hope the Lord has a church for me in mind, in my future. i am just not actively or currently seeking for one.

i am enjoying myself here, though. i have never mingled around a Christian forum like this before. i find it encouraging to read all the scripture studies and read what is currently on people's hearts. i see there are a lot of differing opinions on here, but that is ok. This only bares witness to how deep and vast God is. He wants us to ask questions about Him, study His word, and seek out the Truth, so there are no apologies due.

[itty-bitty lamb]

23 hours ago, Marathoner said:

There's no need to apologize, my friend. It is good to share our testimony with others, and I know how difficult that can be to do. It was hard for me as well. 

Welcome to Worthy! I'm glad that you're here. 

Thank you @Marathoner, thank you for the welcome. i have enjoyed browsing around all the threads and topics. i was just spitting it out there, realizing i have never shared it in the past to anyone before. It felt good to just recount some of it, and it reminded me how much God has been there for me in my past, and how much love He has for us.

Your own testimony has so much richness to it. i was inspired and amazed at how God has seen you through so much in your life. Thank you for sharing. There is so much to thank God for. Yes, it was difficult to share, but God is glorified through our testimonies.

[farouk]

35 minutes ago, itty-bitty lamb said:

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

i wouldn't say that i want nothing to do with churches. i really believe that a church (a gathering or community of like-minded believers) is good for any Christian heart and walk. i feel the Lord wants us to help each other, pray for each other, learn from each other, and worship together. i also believe it is not necessary for salvation, but definitely something that helps us mature in the body of Christ. So i am of a positive mind for churches. i know we are all just trying to do the best we know how. i just personally have some deep church-hurts and it is tough for me to imagine exposing myself to that again. i do hope the Lord has a church for me in mind, in my future. i am just not actively or currently seeking for one.

i am enjoying myself here, though. i have never mingled around a Christian forum like this before. i find it encouraging to read all the scripture studies and read what is currently on people's hearts. i see there are a lot of differing opinions on here, but that is ok. This only bares witness to how deep and vast God is. He wants us to ask questions about Him, study His word, and seek out the Truth, so there are no apologies due.

Hi @itty-bitty lamb Prayer and the Scriptures are so important to encourage fellow believers, right?

[itty-bitty lamb]

1 hour ago, farouk said:

Hi @itty-bitty lamb Prayer and the Scriptures are so important to encourage fellow believers, right?

Yes. 

[Marathoner]

6 hours ago, itty-bitty lamb said:

Thank you @Marathoner, thank you for the welcome. i have enjoyed browsing around all the threads and topics. i was just spitting it out there, realizing i have never shared it in the past to anyone before. It felt good to just recount some of it, and it reminded me how much God has been there for me in my past, and how much love He has for us.

Your own testimony has so much richness to it. i was inspired and amazed at how God has seen you through so much in your life. Thank you for sharing. There is so much to thank God for. Yes, it was difficult to share, but God is glorified through our testimonies.

I'm so glad that you did because I was moved to do the same. I've never shared the above with anyone before, so it was good to do that while it was still today. We're certainly not alone in coming out of great adversity for there are many of us who have. I've referred to what I shared only obliquely both here on the forum and elsewhere for it isn't always needful to divulge details; as the scripture informs us, there is a time for every matter under heaven. This was that time for both of us. 

The Lord bless you for sharing with us, my friend. I was edified and encouraged greatly!  

[Starise]

18 hours ago, itty-bitty lamb said:

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

i wouldn't say that i want nothing to do with churches. i really believe that a church (a gathering or community of like-minded believers) is good for any Christian heart and walk. i feel the Lord wants us to help each other, pray for each other, learn from each other, and worship together. i also believe it is not necessary for salvation, but definitely something that helps us mature in the body of Christ. So i am of a positive mind for churches. i know we are all just trying to do the best we know how. i just personally have some deep church-hurts and it is tough for me to imagine exposing myself to that again. i do hope the Lord has a church for me in mind, in my future. i am just not actively or currently seeking for one.

i am enjoying myself here, though. i have never mingled around a Christian forum like this before. i find it encouraging to read all the scripture studies and read what is currently on people's hearts. i see there are a lot of differing opinions on here, but that is ok. This only bares witness to how deep and vast God is. He wants us to ask questions about Him, study His word, and seek out the Truth, so there are no apologies due.

You ARE welcome. I just wanted to re emphasize that. Glad to have you here sister!

You may find this surprising, but I am usually not given to social things, and it takes some effort for me to "come out". Lots of people all talking at once about inconsequentials is draining on me. At our last church social one of my buds had to go get me and pull me in there. He hovered over me in a good way and made me feel more at ease. I have had one person who I meet with in a group tell me I am the kind of person who makes everyone feel at ease. What? My mental focus is disrupted at loud noises, bright lights and social riff raff, but get me in a room with a few other people talking deeper things and maybe that works better for me.

At good churches people CARE, and this can sometimes look as if they are hovering. I don't mean the places where people take turns "greeting". I mean the places where someone comes up to you and asks you a little bit about yourself, maybe offers to help you find a seat, and generally is a friend right off the bat. Smaller groups and gatherings work best for those who are new. They bring us out of our shells, so maybe look for one of those. It helps to know a little bit about theology and the agendas some of these churches preach. The only "agenda" should be the bible and fellowship.

And God won't hate you if you miss or go to another church. If you need a day off you need a day off. I try not to make that a habit. You have gifts. I don't know what they are. They might be used in the church or maybe somewhere else, but the church can help us to identify those gifts so we can sharpen them. I would add we need freedom in those gifts. One reason I haven't played music much ion my present church, I don't feel the freedom to worship in my gifts, but maybe that's something I need to deal with. Over the years I have moved across churches as my needs have changed and as I have felt led. I don't think that's a sin.

 

[Starise]

My experiences are rather bland in my own guestimations as compared to some other stories. I mean, I wanted to say I was a satanist or I snorted coke, or I was an atheist, but no. I was saved young and at one point I thought God was keeping me from fun, so I tried a few things which were only temporary fun.

I don't believe I was ever "unsaved" I just drifted away for a time. God grabbed my heart at six years old, so not much room there for  anything that might make the YouTube stats. 

In hindsight I missed a lot of the bad stuff others went through, and I guess I wouldn't trade that for being saved young. Not that I haven't gone though both health, marital hardships and a vice or two. Not a squeaky clean life by any standards. If anything it only reenforced the emptiness that exists without God in your life or as a believer in a backslidden condition. Those lost never knew any different, and those saved never looked deep enough with consistency.