Suicidal cowards?

[RdJ]

I have been able to help a few people.

One was a collegue I always ate lunch with. He joked about me going to church. He wasn't christian. All of a sudden he was dead. Later I heard he shot himself. I just blocked him in my head cause I thought he didn't make it. Never thought about him again. But the night before God told me to pray for someone from the office, for salvation, so I prayed in tongues for hours, thinking someone's grandma was dying or something. Had no idea who it was for. 2 years later I had a dream. That collegue came to the office. He wore new clothes, green pants. He walked up to our eat group. He was very happy. He said he had become a christian 2 years ago. I held his hand and cried and said: Why didn't anyone tell me you were still alive? I thought you were dead.

I woke up. This was before phones and internet. I looked in an old agenda I had from work to see when it was that he died. It was exactly 2 years back on the same day.

Another one was a guy on christian forums. In the middle of the night only another woman and me were online there. I was bored and couldn't sleep. Responded to nonsense. All of a sudden a new guy made his first post that he was ready to meet his Maker. He would lose his job and become homeless. He really wanted to end it. This was after I had done an attempt myself, so I warned him and told him my story. Don't do it! But it was no use. So what on earth could I do? I said: if nobody can take you in their home come here. Come to Holland. Guy was American. We will pay your plane ticket. You can live here in my house. What did he know that I live with 3 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment. There's place enough on the couch for a total stranger. Apparently that was all he needed. Just someone who cared. I think his mom took him in. He's doing fine. We're still Facebook friends.

Edited January 24 by Renskedejonge

[Marathoner]

Suicide has nothing to do with cowardice nor courage. I was 11 years old when I first attempted suicide, so it has everything to do with an inability to cope. The stigma associated with suicide doesn't help those who suffer; it's even worse when stigma is reinforced by those who profess the Lord. 

Christ preserved me over the years through multiple attempts, some of which took place after I came to Him. Suicidal ideations were a feature of severe depression that started in earnest after my 11th birthday. Matters of wrong or right had nothing to do with it. When I say that the Lord knew these things, it's a gross understatement. He was never wrathful toward me... on the contrary. The Lord has always been merciful and kind toward me, and the same is true of those who suffer as I once did. He is not a man who blindly judges what he does not comprehend. 

[Rick-Parker]

21 hours ago, Marathoner said:

Suicide has nothing to do with cowardice nor courage. I was 11 years old when I first attempted suicide, so it has everything to do with an inability to cope. The stigma associated with suicide doesn't help those who suffer; it's even worse when stigma is reinforced by those who profess the Lord. 

Christ preserved me over the years through multiple attempts, some of which took place after I came to Him. Suicidal ideations were a feature of severe depression that started in earnest after my 11th birthday. Matters of wrong or right had nothing to do with it. When I say that the Lord knew these things, it's a gross understatement. He was never wrathful toward me... on the contrary. The Lord has always been merciful and kind toward me, and the same is true of those who suffer as I once did. He is not a man who blindly judges what he does not comprehend. 

A lot like my story. Thanks.

[ayin jade]

I debated about posting my story but then I read marathoners.

Im rushing around this morning but when I get back and can settle down to type, I will post mine.

I agree that it has nothing to do with cowardice. In my case, I believe it was a seduction by the enemy (devil) to die when life was just too much to bear. 

I was unsaved back then and did not have Christ to hold on to.

[ayin jade]

Ok here goes .... Im a private person so this is a bit of a big step for me to talk about it on the forums ...

I was not saved until I was 30. The attempt happened in my early 20s. At the time I believed in a universal god but not The One True God. And I thought Jesus was just a man not a big deal. 

I was engaged to someone prior to my husband. One night he came to me and said he didnt love me or need me any more. My world crashed. Half our friends decided they didnt want to be around me any more. Some let me know who he was dating etc in rather brutal ways. I was not sleeping or eating well at all. 

2 months later, I went down to mexico to camp on the beach with some friends. Rocky point is a popular place for arizonans to camp at. We were having a campfire on the beach and I got up to get something. When I left, everyone was paired up, married couples etc. So I was feeling lonely and miserable. When I came back, no one was there. I sat down and thought about how peaceful the ocean was. How easy it would be to just start swimming until I could not any more. I knew what it was like to almost drown. That happened to me when I was around 9. I figured it wouldnt be too bad. The sharks scared me a bit but I decided that was not a problem. Just as I was about to get up and go for a last final swim, this drunk came up and dumped a beer in my lap. My viking rage came out. The guy sat down and started chatting with me. Turns out he was a pastors son. When he left, I decided to fight, not to let my broken heart get the best of me, not to let my former fiancee crush me any longer. At the time I knew it was "god" but not the Lord, only the universal one I believed in at the time. Looking back I know it was the Christian God, sparing me for His purpose. 

For any one who feels life isnt worth it any more, who is considering choosing to die, please do not do so. Consider psalm 23

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

The Lord is there with you always.

[Marathoner]

I believe that it's good to come forward and share. My last attempt at suicide took place when I was close to death. 

I've shared about that day with others in general terms, omitting certain details that weren't needful to relate at the time. I've never suffered in such a way before in all of my life, and it was dreadful to open my eyes to yet another day of wasting away. I suffered from multiple infections in this body --- my teeth were affected, and I lost all of them --- and it was so excruciating to eat that I experienced the effects of starvation and malnutrition. Regions of my brain were damaged by this ordeal, robbing me of the ability to focus and speak. 

My hair was falling out in clumps; I was so emaciated that I couldn't recognize my reflection in the mirror, and I wasn't oblivious to how this was affecting my adopted mother. My slow death was devastating her. When we first met, I was healthy and strong. I managed her ranch while she dealt with her own health issues --- cancer and liver disease --- and I took care of her whenever she was bedridden. Now, she had to take care of me because I lacked the strength to stand on my feet for long. It was too much to bear. She needed to be liberated of the burden I had become and this, along with the agony of living, motivated me to "hurry things along" to their inevitable conclusion. 

I chose a day when she left the mountains to run errands in the city as my last day on earth. I didn't want her to be around --- it was a two-hour drive one way --- so I hoped that would give me enough time to work my way into the wilderness where I would never be found. It's a desolate place up there, a place where people disappear without a trace every year. It would be better that way. 

I'm not going to share the chosen method, only that I cried out to the Lord in despair beforehand. I had failed Him! I had failed my Lord, but living was just too much to bear, and I had lost everything. I had nothing left. I couldn't even speak to Him. All I could manage was moaning, groaning, and weeping. 

My attempt failed. Immediately following this failure, the Spirit of the Lord drew near.

[Neighbor]

On 1/23/2024 at 7:30 PM, Slibhin said:

I think about ending it all eeereeevery single day.

Don't! 

[furrychristian]

I've never attempted, but have been suicidal to some degree or another for many years. I moreso felt like a coward for being scared to actually face death tbh. It's an extremely difficult situation to be in and those who are in so much pain that they want to die deserve compassion rather than browbeating. It's really just wanting the pain to end, and seeing no other way for that to happen.

[Starise]

I may be wrong but sometimes we look at things and maybe think we want out but we feel trapped and don't know what to do. Some people get high and as a result die from over doses. I think it's a knee jerk response as a way to deal with it that hasn't been entirely thought through. Mainly because the assumption is made there is some kind of a dead end and no way out, so drinking, drugs or whatever makes them feel better. In reality there is a way out. Bleak days can be gone soon to let in good days. The sun always shines after that storm, but those who are clinically depressed can't see that and only see the tunnel they are in.

I was once far more knee jerk and I entertained some of this. I even knew how I was going to do it. These were dark times in my life.

I knew deep down I would never do it, but for some reason entertaining the thought brought me a strange kind of relief.  Then I would realize the implcations to me, in my relationship to God and to others. These were short duration things, but I have tendency to be down. Going to sleep helps sometimes. Maybe you are tired and stressed. Just take a nap. Maybe someone is bothering you. Distance yourself. The most important thing for a believer is to pray about it.Ask God to come and lift you. He has sent people into my life who lifted me right at the time I was at my lowest. 

I can't say suicide is ok. It isn't. It brings many bad things. We are all human and I think many of us entertain these things knowing full well it won't answer the need, because a depressed soul as a departed soul is still a depressed soul. God wants to complete your last chapter but if we burn the book He can no longer do that.

Our God is far above anything that can come at us. I have racing thoughts, so I am on a pill I take to sleep but it's really an anti depressant pill. It helps me to sleep and to unwind/relax. I fought it, but months without rim sleep can begin to affect a person, so I realized that yes, I have racing thoughts I can't control and the pill helped. Not sure if I'll stay on it but I think my physiology has changed for some reason and I need my rest. 

 

[FJK]

When the world says "There is no way" God says "This is the way!".

Seek God's way and he will show it to you, it is then up to you to follow it.