how would you handle this situation

[GodslilRedneck]

well i met him tonight

[CarolineS]

If you were my daughter, there is no way you would be dating this guy.

He has already proven that he has no intention of waiting for marriage to have an intimate relationship. He is tied down with a daughter that he will have the rest of his life, a daughter he shares with another woman. He will either have custody -- which means the three of you will be spending alot of time together, unless he can afford to pay a baby sitter. Or he will have joint custody -- which means you have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for the rest of your life, because she is the mother of the child.

Why don't you concentrate on school, on your relationship with God, and having some fun. Focus on your education and see the world! Don't settle for this guy.

In Christ,

CarolineS

[GodslilRedneck]

Well, I have given it some time, and have hung out with Brandon for the past little while and gotten to know him. When he has picked me up from school he has stayed with me until like 10 or so. We have went to the movies and everything. My family and everything likes him. Some aint that crazy about him having a little girl but he brought Bre over Friday night and we hung out for a while. My mom fell in love with her and she is so adorable and sweet. That is one of his top priorites in life though you can tell by the way he looks at her. I also got to meet his mom she's really cool and seems to be really nice. He did ask me out but I told him that it was going to have to wait, to see how everything is going to go. He has told me that I should get my hopes up 'cause he isn't going anywhere, and I told him that I have learned not to get my hopes up when guys tell me that they are goin to do something and he says well hopefully I am different from the other guys, I won't treat you the way that they have, and I actually believe it. I want to get my hopes up, but I aint going to, or at least try not to. But even when we are here at the house by ourselves he has always treated me with respect. He hasn't ever tried to take it anywhere that he knows that I dont want to go, like he said he wouldnt. Even right there he's different from the other guys that I have dated. The others they say the samething but they dont stick to it. but he is really sweet. He gets along with my brother and tries to involve him in some stuff that we do. My brother has CP (Cerebral Palsy) which is another thing that draws me to him. Most people dont know how to handle people with disabilities but he gets along with him real well. But right now me and him are JUST FRIENDS so...

[Iryssa]

Well, "proceed with caution" would be my advice. Take things VERY slow.

Personally, I developed the policy of never dating anyone who was not a believer, and when I did "date" it wasn't "dating" in the sense of going out for supper than going back to his place, like worldly dating...there was more of a courtship in mind. I highly recommend this way of doing things. The one time I abandoned that policy (I thought I'd make an exception because I thought I was in love) I lost my virginity. My stomach wrenched just writing that...*sigh* Anyway, that's something you can never get back, and yeah, most unbelieving guys have no compelling reason not to expect that eventually. I sound jaded, I know, but I have good reason. Anyway, when I re-instated that policy and submitted to God's will, He brought me the love of my life (wonderful Christian man) and we're planning a wedding for August. Coincidence? I think not

[Kabowd]

But even when we are here at the house by ourselves.....

Whoa. You were allowed to be at home alone with a guy you met less than a week before? I'm sorry, but this is not wise at all.

[Kabowd]

I also didn't see where you answered if he is a Christian or not. Is he? Are you?

[cymba22]

You are waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too young to be a potential step mom to a 4 year old...you haven't even finished school yourself....playing happy families is not all that its cracked up to be when you have to do all the hard work involved and find you dont have a life of your own until child is at least 18 are you really ready to deprive yourself of 14 years to look after a child that is not yours becuase the parents were to immture to take precautions?

I dont know whats with your parents...I would be furious,hanging out with a 4 year old and 19 year old might be fun but not while your doing the hard work...but picture yourself washing cleaning cooking 24/7 for that child....not partying not watch dvd or going out...how long will it be before he wants sex with you(bearing in mind your underage),playing at gown up and being grown up are 2 differant realities...stick to being 14/15 with the freedom you have.

Edited January 17, 2006 by cymba22

[st. Worm]

There is world of difference in a 19 year old man with a 4 year old child and a 16 year old girl. Why in the world would you want to complicate your young life with this situation? Are you prepared to make the sacrifices required when being involved with someone with parental responsibilities? What about the child's mother? She will always be in the picture. If your parents do not provide better counsel than what you have described then they are being rather negligent of your well being.

You are being guided more by hormones than good sense.

[Guest Kilad]

The age of consent in North Carolina is 16 However.

I am the father of 4 kids, 20 male, 19 female, 16 female, and 13 male. I am very protective of my kids especially my daughters. I would never let my 16 year old daughter date anyone outside a year or 2 of her age. My oldest Daugher wants to date someone who is 25 which I also do not approve of. That being said the most important thing here isnt what I say or what the law says it is what does God say about the situation. No one here on the boards can truly know your situation and we are responding from our own experiences.

If your parents approve of your dating this young man then that is between you and your family. This boy has already proven to be sexualy active and may pressure you into things you shouldnt do. Dont let him pressure you into having sex. Remember sex outside of marrage is adultry and a sin. This boy may have learned his lesson and he seems to be man enough to care for his daughter which is a wonderful thing. If you two continue to date I suggest you both attend church together. Dont be afraid to talk about Christ with one another. If your relationship is meant to be let it be one with Christ. You two could possibly have a wonderful life together but what ever you do dont let it start in sin.

My prayers are with you.

[Guest Museed]

AS a mom of a 14 and almost 15 year old... if you were MY daughter, I would not want you to date anyone that much older than you. There is too much of an age gap between 16 and 19. If you were 26 and 29 it wouldn't be an issue. Stick to being friends... and date guys your own age.

Much love,

mom (Jenni)

I agree with mom (jenni). You should take it easy, and read the wisdom in the Bible, if your're patient God will provide a wise mate later on in life. At 16 your mind and body are still maturing, and you should give both the time, so you can be aware of who's in Love, and who is not. In other words beware of the wolves!.