Need Advice on dealing w/ parents

[Iryssa]

*sigh* I can't imagine how hard it must be for people living with unbeliving parents. All I can say (and even as I write this, I know that it is SO much easier said than done) is to humbly submit yourself to them as much as possible without compromising your faith. Also, maybe approach them their own way, from a position of critical examination of the things people (including us) believe. I promise that the Gospel will never let you down.

To help you with that, here's a resource I go back to a lot:

www.equip.org

It's a little more convoluted than it used to be to get to the really useful free articles, so here's how I do it:

Type a word into the search bar (top right corner of the page). Let's say it's "Muslim." The search results will come up. Look down the list for the heading "Article or Document Resources." Under that heading will be a few subcategories...I find the "Feature Article" and "Witnessing Tips" resources the most helpful, so check there first.

Anyhow, there's a bunch of good things in there, so just search whatever you're interested in!

You're in my prayers, Katie

[nebula]

Also I would agree with your parents if indeed you are allowing an obsession with "Christian books" to completely dominate your life at the expense of your studies.

I'd be careful with this, as this is a sore spot to me.

In high school, I would spend about 1/2 hour in the Bible before I started my homework. Then for whatever reason, I'd be working on my homework until midnight or so. (There was always one class each year that just swamped me!)

My dad kept pushing me to read/study my Bible after I got my homework done. I resisted for a long time.

Eventually, I did what my dad asked me to do. The result? I'd be so tired by the time I got my homework done, my mind didn't want to delve into any more study . . . and I could always make up for my lost time in the Bible tomorrow. . . .

The next thing I know, I lost my habit of reading the Bible every day, a habit that even after all these years I have been unable to pick up again.

I still regret having done what my dad insisted I do with my Bible readings. No good whatsoever has come from it.

**

Katie, your better off nurturing your faith. In those area where you and your parents clash, ask the Lord open any doors that might enable you to obey wihtout compromising your faith.

I mean this. I have a friend whose mother insisted that she attend a catholic Church, even thought this girl did not agree with Catholic doctrine. But one day, long story short, she came across a small Catholic Church she knew nothing about, and upon investigation discovered that it was more a "progressive" Catholic Church with inclusions that were along the lines of her convictions. She found herself blessed in that church in so many ways.

So, if your parents want you in school clubs/groups - instead of this being an either/or thing like they insisted - just aske the Lord to guide you into whatever school club would please your parents and benefit your life. Who knows, maybe you might find a good Christian friend? I don't know. But do what you can to abide your parents wishes, just don't let anyone let your spiritual life slide to the wayside.

[nebula]

BTW - there's another Scripture that I believe comes into play as well -

Mt 10:37 - He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. . . .

How do you all believe Katie should balance this with the "honoring your parents" Scripture?

[Iryssa]

BTW - there's another Scripture that I believe comes into play as well -

Mt 10:37 - He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. . . .

How do you all believe Katie should balance this with the "honoring your parents" Scripture?

I think that she would be showing God love by showing her parents love...later scripture does not contradict earlier scripture. You're not excused from honoring your father and mother because you love Christ more than them. We love Christ above all others (we should, anyway), but if anything that gives us a greater capacity for loving our family, not less. If her parents were telling her to choose, once and for all, Christ or them, then I would say "Christ!" in a heartbeat...but so far they don't seem to have done that. Therefore, while she is under their roof (and always), she can pray for them and live out her faith before them, so that maybe one day, they will see the truth through her. As it is written, "live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." (1 Peter 2:12)

[Kabowd]

I think we need to be careful not to give a person excuses to disobey their parents. So far, what's been described has not been abusive or anti-Christ. Thus, I think encouraging her to honor and obey them (even when it's hard and seems unreasonable) is probably the best way to go. IMO.

[KatieK]

Katie,

I do not mean to sound critical of you but perhaps some important self-examination would be helpful at this point. I don't know you but your tone almost sounds prideful as you compare yourself to your parents. Further the command to honor your parents is not contingent on them being believers. They are to be honored regardless. Arguing with them about biblical truth in a disrespectful way will not help at all. You need to exhibit love, patience and other fruits of the Spirit rather than combativeness. Also I would agree with your parents if indeed you are allowing an obsession with "Christian books" to completely dominate your life at the expense of your studies.

The life of the Christian is not always getting your way or always doing what you want. Your compliance without complaint as Christ did in obedience to His Father will demonstrate more to your parents about your faith than constantly being in conflict with them. Because of how you are handling things, they may view your faith as a threat more than a blessing.

blessings to you,

SW

Yes I am prideful (but I'm not proud of that fact). I haven't got much of my life figured out at all. It seems all my sinful problems seem to lead into each other as they do in this case. Not a good thing. I am working on it but I'm not very succesful in the words of sally in a charlie brown christmas ' the mere realization that you have a problem indicates you are not too far gone.' I hope she's right. Also I haven't picked up a novel since my last class assignment to read the Good Earth over Christmas. I haven't read a book for fun in over a month. I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH CHRISTIAN BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (unless of course the Bible is included on that list in your opinion as it is in my parents minds.) I am top ten percent in all my classes and haven't skipped homework all year. My studies are by no means effected by my reading habits. I don't know why I even mentioned that incident. I think at the time it was something like what nebula described. Dad wanted me to have more variety (aka what he choses) in all areas of media but books primarily. (he never got far on the music thing since mom listens to contemporary christian because she wants it to stay clean).

Nebula- good advice I get transferred next year to the new high school in my area I'll see what I can find. Bible study before homework sounds like a good idea. I have been trying to find a good consistent Bible study time but hadn't found one yet. I am in the habit of reading the Bible everyday. I don't honestly think I could sleep at all if I hadn't read at least a verse or two. I know Mt. 10:37 I think It means my love and loyalty should always be first and foremost to the Lord. It doesn't give me any room to disobey/dishonor them. My heart just always has to be set on following the Lord not mom and dad. It is really kinda irrelevant to honoring them.

well thanks everyone. I think I've really made some progress in the last 2 days as a result of all the advice .

Love in Christ,

Katie

[st. Worm]

"How do you all believe Katie should balance this with the "honoring your parents" Scripture?"

I don't see a conflict Of course we are to love God more than anyone else but that does not mean we dishonor and disobey parents. Spending too much time arguing with parents about God, hanging out with people who could lead us astray while opposing parent's instructions or neglecting our studies to spend excessive amounts of time reading Christian books does not indicate proper love of God but clearly dishonors parents.

[KatieK]

"How do you all believe Katie should balance this with the "honoring your parents" Scripture?"

I don't see a conflict Of course we are to love God more than anyone else but that does not mean we dishonor and disobey parents. Spending too much time arguing with parents about God, hanging out with people who could lead us astray while opposing parent's instructions or neglecting our studies to spend excessive amounts of time reading Christian books does not indicate proper love of God but clearly dishonors parents.

Dude! did you read what I said?! let me repeat myself so maybe you'll get the point.

I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO HONOR THEM! I DO NOT SPEND UNDO(OR ANY TIME RECENTLY READING ANYTHING BUT THE WORD! I AM NOT NEGLECTING MY STUDIES. I'M TOP TEN IN ALL MY CLASSES! MY FRIENDS COULD NEVER LEAD ME ASTRAY! THEY KNOW WHAT I THINK OF THEIR ACTIONS AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO TEMPT ME! IF ALL CHRISTIANS HANG OUT IN HOLY HUDDLES THE "SINNERS" OF THE WORLD WILL NEVER HEAR THE MESSAGE. SOMEONE HAS TO GO TO THEM. I AM CALLED TO GO. I'M DOING ALL I CAN HERE! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING THEY'VE SAID ALL WEEKEND(i'm out for king day), I HAVEN'T TALKED BACK AND I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR THEM. STOP JUDGING ME WITHOUT LISTENING TO WHAT I SAY!

SORRY FOR THE TONE BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE WITHOUT REALLY LOOKING AT WHAT'S GOING ON!

-Katie

[Kabowd]

"How do you all believe Katie should balance this with the "honoring your parents" Scripture?"

I don't see a conflict Of course we are to love God more than anyone else but that does not mean we dishonor and disobey parents. Spending too much time arguing with parents about God, hanging out with people who could lead us astray while opposing parent's instructions or neglecting our studies to spend excessive amounts of time reading Christian books does not indicate proper love of God but clearly dishonors parents.

Dude! did you read what I said?! let me repeat myself so maybe you'll get the point.

I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO HONOR THEM! I DO NOT SPEND UNDO(OR ANY TIME RECENTLY READING ANYTHING BUT THE WORD! I AM NOT NEGLECTING MY STUDIES. I'M TOP TEN IN ALL MY CLASSES! MY FRIENDS COULD NEVER LEAD ME ASTRAY! THEY KNOW WHAT I THINK OF THEIR ACTIONS AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO TEMPT ME! IF ALL CHRISTIANS HANG OUT IN HOLY HUDDLES THE "SINNERS" OF THE WORLD WILL NEVER HEAR THE MESSAGE. SOMEONE HAS TO GO TO THEM. I AM CALLED TO GO. I'M DOING ALL I CAN HERE! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING THEY'VE SAID ALL WEEKEND(i'm out for king day), I HAVEN'T TALKED BACK AND I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR THEM. STOP JUDGING ME WITHOUT LISTENING TO WHAT I SAY!

SORRY FOR THE TONE BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE WITHOUT REALLY LOOKING AT WHAT'S GOING ON!

-Katie

Wow, you don't ever talk back? You're doing better than me in that area then, I have a hard time. I'm getting better (because it doesn't go over too well...lol), but I tend to speak my mind a little too easily..ha. Anyway, regarding your friends though, if your parents are telling you to spend less time with them, don't you think you should obey that? I mean, I have friends that aren't shining examples of morality and I think I'm a good influence on them....however, those who have authority over me have advised me to limit my time with them, so I honor that. Afterall, they have a clearer picture of it and more experience in that area than I do. See what I mean?

[st. Worm]

"SORRY FOR THE TONE BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE WITHOUT REALLY LOOKING AT WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Katie,

The post you are upset about was in process of being typed while your post apparently was being sent therefore I did not see it before I sent mine. Further I am not judging you in any way. I am providing advice to you which by the way you solicited.

You have received some good advice from various posters here yet you still seem to want to argue with us as if we are your parents. Your parents may not be believers but that fact alone does not mean that they don't have wisdom and experience that could be useful to you. Being a believer only makes one saved, not all knowing.

SW