When you don't really love God

[kittylover0991]

Gerioke, I thankyou so much for your help.. but... that is not what I am saying... I am not just saying that I don't love God as I should.. I am saying that I know that I dont' love God and it seems that no matter what I do... in my heart I know that I don't.. and I dont know where to turn form here about this...

[jamie]

Gerioke, I thankyou so much for your help.. but... that is not what I am saying... I am not just saying that I don't love God as I should.. I am saying that I know that I dont' love God and it seems that no matter what I do... in my heart I know that I don't.. and I dont know where to turn form here about this...

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you"

[kellineals]

Dear Kitty,

You are being so open with the people here on the board,

Have you told God what you're telling us, in prayer.. I suppose that's a

moot point now, as God already knows the intent of your heart. In

your prayer time, what about telling God how you're honestly feeling?

Do you expect rejection? You won't get it.. I've had to appologise

to God because I grew up in a family where Love was difficult and I'm

still unsure of it today. However Like you, I too realize that God

must love me..after all, He sent His son Jesus to die for me.. Me.. and

what did I do to deserve that? Nothing..which is difficult for me, as I

find it easier to give then recieve.. on top of that I find it amazing that

God would find me worthy enough to gift me with Salvation, but He did,

because of His Love for me.. what I've done has been to take my

thoughts that I've shared here to prayer and talked to God about it..

explaining that I felt that I lacked love for God..After all doesn't

scripture tell us that God already knows what's going on in our hearts and

that He waits for us to share it with Him? You can tell Him.. He wants

to hear you share your heart with Him, warm or cold..You have friends

with whom you share good and bad..The Lord also wishes you to share all of you

with Him, not just the choice bits.

[John3;16]

Love is an action, it is not a feeling, feelings change from day to day, hour to hour, ect, just as joy is not happyness, the love that you are struggling over is what you are feeling, or how you believe you should feel, Jesus said if you love me you will keep my commandments, and I emphasize "if you love me" not if you want to go to heaven you will keep my commandments, but back to the topic, there was a woman who wept at the feet of Jesus and washed his feet with her tears and dried his feet with her hair, and when those who were setting around him questioned why was this woman doing this, Jesus replied, to who much is forgiven, they love much, to who little is forgiven, they love little, could it be that your life represents owing little? As an earlier post stated, be honest with God, tell Him you love Him every morning when you wake up and several times through the day, also I believe if you count your blessings this can bring you closer to God, I know it helps me, and always begin your prayers with worship first. I know personally I have had to ask God repeaditly to place in my heart a love for him. But I know my debt. The bible tells us to meditate on the Lord, this can help to calm you, and it also tells us to ask for wisdom, be honest with him, tell him you want to have a close fellowship with him. I believe he will answer your pray. Seek him with all of your heart.

[Guest Museed]

I don't know if this would help you?

1- But when I first tried to define Loving God, it came to me that no matter what I do, I will always fail if I'm not Honest. You did that!. My Friend.

2- Loving God is like being a first time parent. You are afraid you have brought a beautiful gift into The World, and now all of a sudden you realise that you are responsible for this gift. But as time passes, and you stay awake all night when your child is sick, you play with your child, you take your child to school, or teach your child yourself, you watch his every step so you can be there in case your child may stumble. You guide your every intuition into the prosperity of your child. Then after all that you finally realised that you love your child, but were too busy showing that love, instead of just talking about it.

3- You see a person in need, even tough he may not ask for the money you gave him for that meal that he didn't have enough for. You have shown that love! not just talked about it.

4- True Love is also like a marriage, even tough you may not say it everyday, your actions are more fully qualified to say it for you.

Every time you cry out to him, or praise him. Every time you do an honest deed without want of recompense, you are showing Love for the Creator of all things. Jehovah is that Majestic Being sitting on a Throne of Light which brings all who love him, towards his will. And if we are faithful to that will, we are showing that Love. And it grows like a tree planted in a dessert, in which the miracle of True Love waters with the Spirit of Righteouness, and makes that dessert into a Paradise for those that seek him. Jesus is that Light, and he will truly guide that Love to Bear fruit.

No newspaper to advertise.

No TV to show it's praise.

One book tell the story.

Not a riddle, or hidden in a maze.

No need to understand it.

If you follow the basic rule.

Earn it, and not demand it.

Not measured by a Savant or a Fool!.

It emphatizes Patience.

It instigates peaceful change.

It rules in sorrow,

Humbelness does not put it to shame.

It requires all truth.

It despises the tongue of deception.

It memorised Justice.

From the time of it's conception.

No grandeur in it's simplicity.

No proud heart can enter it's domain.

It can stand alone unguarded.

For it's truth is not vain.

It travels light in the rugged sea.

And on the Mountain it breaths alone.

It's wings cover Eternity.

And his eyes see it all.

There's no need for luggage.

Or a Degree needed for it's use.

It does not require pleasantries.

Or any drama to be amused.

It has as it's family a sister.

True wisdom is her name.

It's brother it's forgiveness.

By which The Law is Tamed.

How hard is the Burden,

when looking from beneath.

Like a torrent to the seaman.

When the storm troubles the Sea.

Do we mark ourselves with honor?

Or sell ourselves to Greed?

What is Concience without Valor?

If we don't practice what we preach.

How true the vain reality.

As a spoiled fool pleas.

Love without Sanity,

Is Justice brought to it's knees.

Can we be forever faithful?

While in acts we be untrue?

Can a Victim, or a Prey be thanklful?

If they be taken for a fool?

The Ants & The Bees are Colonists.

While The Lion Reighns in Pride.

The Panther, and Leopard are loners.

Yet The Birds rule The Sky.

What we see, and what is perceived.

Are strangers, and one of a kind.

It is Blindness brought to Justice.

It is Darkness brought to light.

Love is not centered around the forbidden tree.

And it is mapped to the road it will lead.

It is not based on statistics, or blatant disregard.

It has nothing to Hide or to Guard.

It is a True Icon, Majestic, a hero of no fear!.

It is The Sword, The Stone, The Arc, and The Spear.

Patience is it's backbone, Thunder it's Heart.

Passion it's Virtue, and Experience it's Art.

With Concience it is Allied.

Dancing in true Devotion.

It calms The Waves, and Parts The Sea.

Defining Ecstacy in Motion.

It's Regimen in Stone is set.

The Sentiment soundly Explicit.

Treachery, and Jealousy has no part.

When sorrow comes to visit.

It pays no mind to the infernal guard.

Or bows to the Golden Tower.

For vanity it has no regard.

From God it gets The Power.

No need for insurance.

or any future to Assure.

It is Eternal in Plan.

It's Destiny Divinely Secure.

It tames the wild beast.

And caresses the gentle flower.

Always striding to be,

The shoulder, and not The Tower.

[suzanagimpel]

I remember the many series of messages talking about it, and it finally struck when I saw a post titles "My Jesus I love Thee" as that has become as of my favorite songs. During the invitation at church I heard that song.. and my pastor always says, "Sing it like you mean it" or "If you truly love God, sing out!" ... The message, "Do we really love God as we should" or "Do we really trust God and seek Him in our lives?"

I can honestly say I don't. Don't get me wrong, I am no where near proud of it. I just know that no matter how much I try to convince myself that I love God and that I trust Him, it isn't true. If someone were to ask me before, I would yes because that is what the right answer would be.. right? Yet, it isn't true... I know it isn't. God is not real in my life.. the ressurection isn't real in my life... I believe in God, the one thing I know is that He is real and that He died for me on the cross and that I accepted that because I didn't want to go to hell...

But God.. his characteristics.. who He is... isn't real to me. I don't even have the slightest tug at my heart.. the slightest tear or emotion when I hear of Jesus dying on the cross.. never have. I can't say that I trust God. As a matter of fact, I could probably say I use God. Kind of stick Him in my pocket when times are good and then pull Him out when I need Him. Don't forget sticking Him back in when those hard times are over. I don't love Him. I dont' mean "I dont' love Him as I should".. I dont' love God.

The bible, although I know it is the true Word of God, it seems more like a book of stories or even a book of judgements... that isn't what it is. That is only a small portion of the entire thing. "Jesus is coming back" ... to me that is like, "Yeah, I know... so.. what's for lunch?".

I am not trying to complain.. just trying to find an answer. I do devotions most times.. and I pray... I go to church four times a week(visitation on Saturdays and two services on Sundays and youth group on Wednesdays).. I go on visitation on Saturdays to try and win people to the Lord.. we are teaching lessons in my sunday school class.. I am in the choir... I try to help out on the bus ministry.. I try to get rid of unconfessed sin("take some spiritual lysol" ).. yet... I can't even love God.. I can't trust him in the simplest of areas... He isn't real in my life...

I don't know where to turn from here... all matter of pray seems to do nothing... the thought continually goes to my mind to leave this "whole church thing" but I know I never could.. I love it too much and .. although God isn't real in such a way.. I know that that is where I am supposed to be and I love seeing the children's faces and hearing the messages. What I just said, however, is competely irrelevant to this as I think nothing of it except as simple thought through my find quickly swatted away as I know it is the devil trying to get me out of where I need to be.

But how does one come to the point where they know they love God? Although I am young, I have been taken through some rough(not as rough as others however) situations and I slowly learned to trust Him little by little. Yet, it is still so little. I don't know where to turn at this point. Does someone have an answer other than prayer and serachign God's Word? I have that answer and I am following through with that... but is there another answer that would help with it(along with God's Word and prayer)?

I wish I could hug you for a long time and wisper in your ears "- God loves you anough for both of you"

[ayin jade]

Kitty, in chat Ive seen you vigorously defend the Lord in witnessing.

Why do you think you do that?

I can tell you why I think you do. Something within you cant help but rush to the defense of God. Something in you cant see God or His wishes put down. I think you have a love of Him that you may not recognize. I think your heart longs for the Lord.

[Pilgrim7]

Kitty,

I think I understand what you are saying. I had been a 'christian' for many years and one day 'I came to my senses', like the Prodigal, and realized I didn't love God with my whole heart, mind, soul and strength. At first I didn't want to face it. But like you have stated, I couldn't ignore it. I was ashamed, discouraged and ready to give up. I thought God was mad at me and wouldn't even deal with me. The churches had no answers for me except 'to just believe that I was saved.' but I knew better. My conscience wouldn't allow me to fool myself.

Yet I decided to talk to God about it. I told Him the truth, I confessed that I was just an intellectual Christian, I knew all the words and agreed with them, but I obviously was lacking in the experience of them. This was actually the beginning of my true Christian Experience. I thought God might scold me and telll me how disappointed He was with me. I thought that I had blasphemed His Spirit. I was truly surprised with what God did. He revealed to me that He never expected me to love Him with my carnal heart. He had been trying to show me that the carnal heart has no capacity to love Him. He was rejoicing that I finally had come to HIM with the problem. The churches offered no answer but presumption. He showed me that the love of God needed to be planted in my heart by the Holy Spirit. The carnal heart is not capable of loving God. This is why God gives a new heart when one is truly born again.

God promises to give the 'New Heart' in Old Testament:

Ezek 36:25 Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.

36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

36:27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do [them].

God Gives the 'New Heart' in the New Testament:

Rom 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

5:3 And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience (endurance);

5:4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5:5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

When I truly surrendered all to Him, He not only forgave me, but gave me a new heart, He shed His love abroad in my heart.

Now I didn't necessarily feel any great love for Him at first, but He showed me that I was to believe and I would have it. It was hard at first to believe that this miracle had happened, but I decided to believe it anyway, no matter what. As I believed it I saw miracles happen. I saw a genuine love for God and His word and a hatred for sin in me. I didn't put it there, it was just there through faith. I just decided to believe and not doubt and it was there. It was a true miracle. I found a power in me that was not me, but Christ in me. This all happened by faith. This is the true 'born again experience.'

I had been a sincere 'professing Church Christian' sharing the words that I knew intellectually, but had not been 'born again', 'born from above' a newborn son of the Living God recreated in the image of God. You see when you are begotten by the Spirit of God, He implants His Spirit, His heart in your heart. This does not do away with the carnal nature, but gives you the power needed, the 'Love of God' for rignteousness and holiness to overcome the carnal nature.

This faith is not the easy 'believism' taught in most churches. When you are honest and through deceiving yourself as to your true condition, it is the hardest thing in the world to believe that God will give you the divine nature. It is even more difficult to come to the belief that He has already done it the moment you believe. If you persevere in faith, God completes your faith with the miracle of the 'New heart'. Then the Spirit of God will witness with your Spirit that you are a child of God and you will be able to cry with all the saints, Abba Father.

2Pet 1:2 Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,

1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that [pertain] unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

1:4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

When you truly decide to believe these things then you will be filled with all the power of God, the Love of God, and out of your heart will flow rivers of living water. This is true Christianity and not 'churchianity'. There is hope for 'Church-A-Holics', and it is to turn to God for healing and a true 'New Birth'. He is still setting the capltives free. He is waiting to show you these things right now.

God bless and keep you,

Dennis

[kittylover0991]

A thankyou,

Thankyou everyone for your responses and most if not all of them were great helps and encouragements in ways that I am still probably oblivious too. However, I finally got over my pride and talked to God.. and then I got over my fear and try to reach to my youth pastor. That was a very interesting night(last Wednesday) as there were two other adults helping with the youth group and I didn't want to talk to more than one person at a time.. even then I didn't feel up to talking to my youth pastor. I kept trying to ask if I coudl talk to him later and pointing outside the classroom and it took him just a few minutes that i didn't want to say it with the other two adults there. He asked them politily if they would excuse us because I had a question I wanted to ask him and one of the two said(as they were about to talk out) "You do know what the bible says abotu a group of counselors?" and it went from there.... "Three times the wisdom" and "The one thing I regret from when I was younger is wondering if I shoudl do something, not asking about it, and then going off and oding that thing then someone saying, 'Oh, I could have told you that!' ". There were trying to help, but I was so nervous. It took about ten minutes before they finally gave up trying to get it out of me. Later that night, while waiting for my ride's son to get out of bathroom, I talked to my youth pastor alone and he gave me an answer that I shoudl I have expected but didn't... and it helped. Not to mention, my stomach was in knots and my mouth was SO dry that I could barely speak. So, as of this point, just tryign to grow in the Lord and hoping to talk to those two adults that were working with the teens on Wednesday and explain to them that I couln't talk to all three of them at once.. tell them that I talked to Pastor Starr and that they dont have to worry about it being somethign really bad...

In other words, thankyou all so much for you help and once again, sorry for coming ot you with one of my ridiculous problems that never seems to make sense

With love in Christ Jesus,

Crystal