QUESTIONS CONCERNING DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

[Guest tawhite]

I am totally confused about the divorce and remarriage and committing adultery. There are so many different views where some pastors are saying you can be forgiven for your past sins and remarrying is ok. There are some that say I am in a continued stated of adultery because my first husband is still alive. I am puzzled about my situation because, I am a Christian and I have divorced and remarried. My first husband and I were 20 when we married and did not understand what we were getting into. He deserted me and I believe he was involved in other affairs, especially since I found him living with another woman. However, I did forgive him for this before we were actually divorced and we remained intimate and our plans were to reconcile since we were separated.

However, I met another man and I began sleeping with him so I myself was committing adultery. I divorced in 1988 because I wanted to marry another. I remember talking to a former pastor and he explained to me after my first marriage was over not to be hurried to get into another relationship. However, I did not listen because I

[Guest 1956Ford]

I am totally confused about the divorce and remarriage and committing adultery. There are so many different views where some pastors are saying you can be forgiven for your past sins and remarrying is ok. There are some that say I am in a continued stated of adultery because my first husband is still alive. I am puzzled about my situation because, I am a Christian and I have divorced and remarried. My first husband and I were 20 when we married and did not understand what we were getting into. He deserted me and I believe he was involved in other affairs, especially since I found him living with another woman. However, I did forgive him for this before we were actually divorced and we remained intimate and our plans were to reconcile since we were separated.

However, I met another man and I began sleeping with him so I myself was committing adultery. I divorced in 1988 because I wanted to marry another. I remember talking to a former pastor and he explained to me after my first marriage was over not to be hurried to get into another relationship. However, I did not listen because I

[ayin jade]

In my opinion, you shouldnt get married to anyone. In my opinion, you shouldnt go back to your first husband. He is married now and it would be wrong to break up that family. I also happen to think your pastors advice that you should look for another husband is unscriptural. Your first divorce was initially for adultery on his part. But your second is for abuse, not adultery. You left your husband for good reasons, but those reasons do not free you for another marriage. The only 2 reasons for divorce were 1) adultery of the other spouse 2) if an unbelieving spouse leaves you.

[ayin jade]

Your words Mr Jacobsen contradict scripture. I find it particularly interesting that 1 Cor specifically says:

1Co 7:10 And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from her husband.

1Co 7:11 But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to leave his wife.

The bible tells us not to divorce. The bible tells us to try and reconcile too or remain unmarried. The bible does not tell us to seek another spouse after a divorce.

Mar 10:2 And tempting Him, the Pharisees came to Him and asked Him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?

Mar 10:3 And He answered and said to them, What did Moses command you?

Mar 10:4 And they said, Moses allowed a bill of divorce to be written, and to put her away.

Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said to them, He wrote you this precept because of the hardness of your hearts.

Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

Mar 10:7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife.

Mar 10:8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Mar 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart.

Mar 10:10 And in the house His disciples asked Him again about the same.

Mar 10:11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery.

Mat 5:31 It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce.

Mat 5:32 But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.

Mat 19:4 And He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning "made them male and female",

Mat 19:5 and said, For this cause a man shall leave father and mother and shall cling to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh?

Mat 19:6 Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.

Mat 19:7 They said to Him, Why did Moses then command to give a bill of divorce and to put her away?

Mat 19:8 He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so.

Mat 19:9 And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is put away commits adultery.

1Co 7:10 And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from her husband.

1Co 7:11 But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to leave his wife.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest I speak, not the Lord, If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is pleased to dwell with him, do not let him put her away.

1Co 7:13 And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to dwell with her, do not let her leave him.

1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; else your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving one separates, let him be separated. A brother or a sister is not in bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace.

[Guest LadyC]

this subject is always a heated one on these boards. bottom line is that divorce is NOT the unforgivable sin. the only sin for which we can not be forgiven is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. scripture says that when we seek forgiveness and repent that we start over with a clean slate. God not only forgives us of our sin, He totally forgets it ever happened. he throws it as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more.

so for anyone who has divorced, repented, and sought forgiveness, you have been washed as clean and pure as the driven snow in the sight of God.

i married young. it was not a marriage that God had planned for me, it was done without God even being consulted. i divorced 7 years later. when i submitted myself to God's will, He brought me a husband of His choice. it's a good marriage, and i thank God daily for bringing him into my life. there is no doubt in my mind that God is the one who orchestrated our marriage and that He has blessed it beyond measure. it doesn't matter how many people pass judgement on me and say that i'm wrong, i am blessed. and my marriage does not go against scripture. my sins were forgiven and i became a new person in Christ.

[Smalcald]

All sin can be forgiven, including adultery, fornication and divorce. Of course repentance means you don't continue in that sin. So I don't think we should torture divorced people, it is not the unpardonable sin, it just happens to be a public sin.

I think the most important thing though is to try to develop healthy relationships first which may lead to a healthy marriage, and to develop healthy and Godly views of relationships. Sometimes God indeed calls us to be single, or at least have long periods of being single in our lives. As a father of daughters my hope and prayer for them is that they know themselves and be happy being alone and single and following Christ first. I want this to be present first, so that they then may enter into a relationship because they want to, not because they feel that they must have a man to be happy, they don't, nor do they need marriage to be happy. We know that we are complete in Christ, totally. Marriage is a wonderful calling but it is a hard road and if we are to follow Christ we need to enter into marriage with full knowledge of what we are entering and why.

[Marnie]

this subject is always a heated one on these boards. bottom line is that divorce is NOT the unforgivable sin. the only sin for which we can not be forgiven is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. scripture says that when we seek forgiveness and repent that we start over with a clean slate. God not only forgives us of our sin, He totally forgets it ever happened. he throws it as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more.

so for anyone who has divorced, repented, and sought forgiveness, you have been washed as clean and pure as the driven snow in the sight of God.

i married young. it was not a marriage that God had planned for me, it was done without God even being consulted. i divorced 7 years later. when i submitted myself to God's will, He brought me a husband of His choice. it's a good marriage, and i thank God daily for bringing him into my life. there is no doubt in my mind that God is the one who orchestrated our marriage and that He has blessed it beyond measure. it doesn't matter how many people pass judgement on me and say that i'm wrong, i am blessed. and my marriage does not go against scripture. my sins were forgiven and i became a new person in Christ.

What a wonderful post. Thank you so much for what you wrote.

[Smalcald]

Well it is serious and it is a sin.

But no more serious than other sin. Divorce just happens to be a sin, which is public and has huge consequences, which are mostly negative for our children and families. For whatever reason, people in the US, and Christians in the US struggle with divorce and I think relationships in general.

Part of the issue for women really is this idea that as a women, one should be waiting around for a man, for a marriage to be complete, and this simply is not true, nor is it scriptural. This is not the fault of the women it is what we often portray to them from a very young age; most men do not sit around and wait for women to start their lives or to feel complete.

I believe in lifetime marriage which is ordained by God, and I think it is serious enough that one should enter it very carefully and only when one is personally ready and strong on their own. Physical attraction is probably the worst reason to marry, as we know that all flesh is as grass.

[Smalcald]

I may be wrong, but I think what you are getting at is this idea that the man is supposed to be aggressive whiel the woman is supposed to be passive. Men are expected to read the woman's mind and make all the decisions, and yet he better do what she agrees with, and he better know without asking, or he'll get an ear-full about it. This puts all the pressure and responsibility on the man, which is blatantly unscriptural.

Hi WSB.

I think that is part of it we all have these notions about what is "correct" in a relationship or a marriage and these may simply be wrong assumptions or ones that don't work within a relationship.

I was also talking about the idea of single women having one goal, and that is waiting for a man, that a relationship with a man and marriage is the most important thing in her life. This idea is not really scriptural. I am not knocking devotion, and I am not knocking marriage and being totally devoted to your husband or wife, I just think that to do that, you must be a complete Christian person yourself.

Do single men do that, wait around in that way? No, most single men go out as young people and give life a shot, and yes women would be nice, and yes marriage would be good, but it is not the focus of my life, it often happens as a part of my life.

I just look at my daughters and think about where our culture is going, and I want them to be happy healthy, Godly women first, then hopefully they may meet a Christian man, but if not, that is okay also. Do we make single people feel welcome in our congregations?

[RustyAngeL]

I know this is going to shock some people but I'm my husbands thrid wife. The first one they were both just to young..17 and 19. The second she went on a weekend with her boss and his brother, ( just the three of them) and my husband anulled the marriage. He waited for 20 years before he met and married me. I pray you find joy and happiness in your life soon. Your still young and I pray that God brings a Christian man into your life with whom you can share and love.