ugh, i hate myself

[Fiosh]

hey cutiepie!

I've been reading thru this thread and cellshade is right, maybe you need a little "tough love".

You are killing yourself.

No less than if you'd take a loaded gun and point it at your head.

Suicide is a sin against God.

This is not about weight, cutiepie. It's about who you see yourself to be. For some reason, you hate yourself and who you are. We are all grieved by that, child. No one should be made to feel that way.

But there is help, and it's up to you to go get it! Sure, it's not easy; most things worthwhile are not. But you can do it.

Your heavenly Father will help you thru this. And, even more, in the end He will use it for your good.....if you trust in Him.

Cutiepie, when you say you are no good you criticize God Himself. You accuse Him of screwing up when He made you. Wrong! You are His precious child and He loves you with all His heart. We all care about you, cutiepie. If I was there, I'd give you a big hug and let you cry on my shoulder. Then, I would give you a kick in the pants, and take you to get some help.

TODAY, pick up the phone and make an appointment with a Christian counselor! Look in your yellow pages. If you can't find one, log on to "www.newlife.com" . In the first column, click on "Christian Counseling". But do it now.

cutiepie, if you keep going down this road YOU WILL DIE. No question about it. Maybe that's what you want? If so, you need help now. If not, you need help now.

I don't know what happened in your past that has brought you to this point, cutie, but you deserve to have joy in your life again. And you can. God is good. You need to let Him help you thru this.

We all love you, sister.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Fiosh

[cutiepie1497]

okay so mom wants me to get an outfit for church....because i had just wear jeans and a tshirt like ive been doing. but she wants me to fit in with all the other grls and how cute they are on sundays, gee thanks. but get this since my sister wears a size 5 and has outgorwn all of her skirts she will probably get like 4 or 5 outfits, i get 1 because ive stayed the same size for like 2 years! how is that fair? ummm, its not!!! i swear everytime destanys grows she gets like 5 new outfits and i always get 1 because i stay the same! ugh....it makes me want to scream its not even fair to me, oh, and i weigh 88.5 today! im excited!

Edited April 29, 2006 by cutiepie1497

[CellShade]

okay so mom wants me to get an outfit for church....because i had just wear jeans and a tshirt like ive been doing. but she wants me to fit in with all the other grls and how cute they are on sundays, gee thanks. but get this since my sister wears a size 5 and has outgorwn all of her skirts she will probably get like 4 or 5 outfits, i get 1 because ive stayed the same size for like 2 years! how is that fair? ummm, its not!!! i swear everytime destanys grows she gets like 5 new outfits and i always get 1 because i stay the same! ugh....it makes me want to scream its not even fair to me, oh, and i weigh 88.5 today! im excited!

Cutie, please hear us, you came here looking for advice and answer, God is giving you them, yet you look like you are only using this thread as a bloggin page and not reading other people's advice, perphap's why your mother is only buying you 1 is because she knows it's unhealthy how you are right now, and doesn't want to give you prizes for staying in an unhealthy way.

Cutie pleaee, the reason we know you are rejecting our input yet we are still posting so you can change only means that God loves you, otherwise most of us would have given up allready, I was about to say that I was giving up on this thread and that this was my last post in this thread, but God told me not to quit since you need his help.

Cutie, stopping your way doesn't mean you will ''get fat'' if you stop this right now, it's more like, if I exercise daily, and eat healthy foods, I will stay thin and healthy and strong.

You are damaging yourself, you are trying to make an idol out of your body, you a putting God behind your body, and you not letting Him take control of your life.

Also to add, YOUR HAIR, IF YOU STAY THIS WAY, WILL PROBABLY GET THINNER AND YOU WILL START LOOSING HAIR, DUE TOT HE LACK OF VITAMINS IN YOUR BODY!.

Taken from Link

What is anoxeria?

# has a low body weight

# refuses to keep a normal body weight

# is extremely afraid of becoming fat

# believes she is fat even when she's very thin

What causes it?

Anorexia is more than just a problem with food. It's a way of using food or starving oneself to feel more in control of her life and to ease tension, anger, and anxiety. While there is no single known cause of anorexia, several things may contribute to the development of the disorder:

* Biology. Several biological factors, including genetics and other related hormones, may contribute in the onset the disorder.

* Culture. Some cultures in the U.S. have an ideal of extreme thinness. Women may define themselves on how beautiful they are.

* Personal feelings. Someone with anorexia may feel badly about herself, feel helpless, and hate the way she looks. She has unrealistic expectations of herself and strives for perfection. She feels worthless, despite achievements and perceives a social pressure to be thin.

* Stressful events or life changes. Things like starting a new school or job or being teased to traumatic events like rape can lead to the onset of anorexia.

* Families. People with a mother or sister with anorexia are more likely to develop the disorder. Parents who think appearance is very important, diet themselves, and criticize their children's bodies are more likely to have a child with anorexia.

Now I want you to see this one so you know what you are messing with, or some of it.

What anorexia does to your body.

Edited April 29, 2006 by CellShade

[cutiepie1497]

the hard thing is my family never believe i had/have it, even after the counselor told them. they just bring it back in my face when we argue "you faked an eating disorder!" i swear i dont know how many times they have thrown that one in my face. ive had to question it myself but it always come backs to the same thing. i DO have it, i have to live with it every day of my life and no one knows how i feel. not whem mom calls herself and fat and goes on diets, which she needs to, ses overweight and is having cholesterol problems. not when my friends talk about how fat they are when they dont even have fat on their bodies, etc. i hate comparing myself to girls......ugh. its getting old. only one person believed me, my youth pastors wife. she helped me a lot. i guess one reason they didnt believe i had it is because it hit its peak on a week long mission trip and i couldnt eat hardly anything, at all because the smell and watching the people eat made me sick to my stomache, literally. i can no longer even eat bacon because i remember that. she was mu support that week and while i suffered physically. and i gues they dont like that i confidd in her and not them, im not sure. anyways, yeah

[CellShade]

Cutie in some sort of way, I can see your pain, but still it's no excuse to this disorder you have.

Begin to trust in God.

Cutie I need to ask you this question.

What do you see yourself being in 10 years, like what profession? Just answer this question please.

CellShade.

[cutiepie1497]

what career do I want to have? either a psychcologist or a biology teacher.

[Guest Steve R]

ALright, i can totally help you with this. If you have AIM, you can IM me at Limbsy. Just click my profile for contact info. IM 5 foot 10, 190, i want to get down to like.. 170.... i want to be SLICK AS A TUNA lol.

You need to notice, when you do cardio, you are actaully less hungry, and just eat 3 times a day. Healthy Stuff. Dont have junk around the house.

And do what you can do. Find something thats convenient for you, do what you need in order to get it done. Ill will give you an example.

My mom bought a treadmill, do i put it upstairs or downstairs?? Upstairs was more convenient, and i would use it more, so i put it there. I needed music, and something to cool me down as i did it. Motivation, and comfort as im doing it. So i blast the music when my parents arent home, and my treadmill has a fan, and i put it on high.

Give yourself a realistic goal. Example...

On my treadmill, i started fast walking at 4miles an hour for 20minutes. THen 10minutes of running at 5 miles an hour, then 10 minutes of fast walking at 4mph. Then i did that for another day. You just make sure you can handle it. Gradually increase the time. Now after a week and a half, im at 15minutes of running at 5. I keep everything else the same. Wait a couple days, and just change ONE thing. I didnt feel like i was getting a workout enough when i was walking, so i just upped up the speed to 4.1. Be gradual.

1) Convenience

2) Comfort

3) Realistic goals

4) Gradually increase your time and speed.

Im at 45minutes in total, Thats all i will do. I will jus increase speed from now on. Thats it. And incline.