Need a way out

[Guest sallystrothers]

Alright I need some help in the area of pre-marital sex. My girlfriend and have been doing this for the last week and I understand how wrong it is. What is even worse is I am a Bible study teacher for 30+ kids in jail. I have already let them down by doing this and it needs to come to an end. Those kids mean the world to me and I dont want to leave them over something like this.

So back to the sex problem. I have been a Christian my whole life and remained a virgin until the age of 20 when I blew it with my first girlfriend (who was a church youth leader). Then I fell again last week with my new girlfriend who has been a Christian for only 3 months. So not only have I sinned greatly, but I have brought this destruction upon 2 others as well. Reminds me of the verse:

"For whosoever causes one of these little ones to sin it is better for him to tie a millstone around his neck and cast it into the sea"

I guess a lot of where the problem began is when my dad died when I was 17 and the family fell apart. My bro lost his virginity, my sister did, and my mom was encouraging me to do the same. I havent had a single person tell me how important it was to remain a virgin, only what God has told me. My mom said that they used to get married at 13 and 14 years old back then, and now thats not the case so that makes it alright to have sex at my age (21). Is this kind of behavior acceptable in today's society? Can that be rationalized in the Bible like so many other things we do today? Can someone help me?

[nebula]

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I appreciate your ability to be open about this.

Unfortuantely, I don't have the time to pull up a bunch of resources (due to schoolwork 'n stuff). But I know Josh McDowell has written about this subject; so has Rebecca St. James. A simple internet search may find them.

I will say this, though. Sex is not something to do for recreation. In the animal kingdom, sex if for one purpose only - procreation. Among humans, it serves this function, too. However, it serves another function - creating bonds. God's plan for sex was to bond a husband and wife together. Outside of marriage, you are creating emotional and spiritual bonds with people you have not commited yourself to. This is damaging. You could consider it "pre-adultery." You know that adultery is wrong, correct? Well, sex between two unmarried individuals is wrong for much the same reasons. If you had sex with a woman you do not marry, then it could be said you had sex with another man's (future) wife. Is that a good thing?

Something else to consider, there is a verse that says, "Anything that is not of faith is sin." (Don't recall the reference.) If you feel guilt with regards to the action, this action is not of faith to you, and thus is sin. Does this make sense to you? Your conscious is telling you not to do it. You have to ask yourself, is the moment of pleasure worth the prolonged weight of guilt?

So, no, this cannot be "rationalized" with the standards of today's society.

The good news is that you can repent of this, and you can turn to Jesus for strength against temptation, and you can find redemption. But you have to make the choice to do so. You have to want to do what you believe is pleasing unto the Lord above your own desires (which I know can be hard, but it is not impossible to overcome).

God bless you, and may you find the healing you need to overcome this!

[Ovedya]

Okay, I'm terrible at advice. I have always felt that advice is like an opinion, everybody has one. Fellowship in the Body is so much more valuable and practical. So here goes.

Ask for forgiveness. It's that simple. Pray to the Lord and ask for forgiveness, then move on. Do not dwell on this once you have asked God to forgive you. The next thing you do is to simply stop. Courtship was designed by God for a long-term commitment. If you are pursuing a courtship with this young lady with the intention of someday getting married, then surely she will understand how you feel about it. Couples can be intimate without having sex.

With regard to your girlfriend's new commitment to Christ. I would ask, is she baptized? Have you discussed baptizm with her? What about her consecration to the Lord? Perhaps you have not done as much damage as you think you have, yet you do not want her to believe that Christians can go about exchanging partners and having sex whenever the urge arises, just like the unbelievers do. It will take some time and commitment on your part to clarify that for her. Spend time in prayer with her, in fellowship, and in the Word. Tell her how you feel about the situation, and that you believ that it was a mistake. But make sure that she is assured that your sexual intimacy does not overpower your feelings for her on a more emotion and intellectual level. She may feel that because you want to stop having sex with her that there is something wrong with her. You need to make sure that she understands that sex is not as important to you as she is, and that because sex is God-ordained after marriage, the waiting will make it all that more special.

But above all, brother, watch and pray; shepherd this young one in Christ, care for her and nurture her spirit. Let Christ do that which you cannot do.

Much Grace,

~G

[Guest steadfastlove]

HI SALLYSTROTHERS

i can understand your predicament, but nebula and God-man have given you really wonderful counsels.

sin is sin and it hurts jesus to see us sin or try to rationalise sin, it's like nailing him to the cross again, but do not despair , go to God and tell him what you are going thru ,ask him to help u handle it, let him know how weak you are and askfor his strength, also talk to your gf and let her realise God's perspective of it.

i am praying with you, let me know how things turn out. [ i sent you a detailed mail , u can reach me at steadfastlm@yahoo.com]

I WANT TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU , IF YOU INTESRESTED IN GETTING PUBLICATIONS LIKE THIS LET ME KNOW, I WILL SEND IT PERSONALLY TO YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS.

THE BRIDGE

.....bridging the gap between you and your destiny. EDITION 6

THE GIFT OF THE PRESENT

[Guest sallystrothers]

Thanks for the replies guys/gals.

My gf and I decided to not have sex anymore and rather accept God's blessings than the blessings of this world. It was strange actually. While I was half-sleeping the other night I could hear these evil spirits calling my name. This went on for most of the night and was one of the things that helped me make this decision. Like any sin, it feels good at the time but surely its evil nature will be reaped in the future. We do not have the luxury to sin freely in this world today due to the huge spiritual battles going on.

[Guest steadfastlove]

wow sallystrothers ,i'm glad u made the right decision, the wounded lion [devil] was trying to derail u but you realised that u belong to the true lion [the lion of the tribe of judah]

I'M STILL PRAYING FOR U BRO , FOR GOD TO GRANT YOU THEGRACE TO GO AND SIN NO MORE

HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL FAITHFULLY PERFECT AND COMPLETE IT,

STAY IN THE LORD'S LOVING EMBRACE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE THE GRACE TO RUN THE RACE

your brother in christ

james

[steadfastlove]

[Guest newbelever06]

ok i am getting baptized this sunday 02/12/06 me and my gf have had sex numorus times she has been a christan her whole life we are bouth 16 well we got caught by her parents or shoud i say she felt guilty and told her mom well i was cast from the famaly so i started attending there church regularlywell my first day somthing came over me i stood up and started singing with the group they are evanglest and i decided i wanted to be saved and become a brand new vergin have a new start on life well i invited my gf to get baptized with me she gracfully accepted when her mouther found out she said she woud agree and if i were serious about this we woud be reunighted back to my question when we get baptized and are still in the water togeather in the church i am planning to ask her to marry me i truly love her and she loves me do you think this is a good idea???

[ayin jade]

Well I can see why this would appeal to you, but since the Lord is to be first in your lives, I dont think that it is all that good to use your baptism to propose to your girlfriend. After all, baptism is an outward sign of repentence and turning to the Lord, not a time of focusing on your girlfriend. Why not wait until after the baptism?

[papa T]

the conflict inside people....concerning sex.....is totally intense when it comes to Christians

I feel your pain....and I know your dilema....Jesus is your strength....Cling to Him....and dont look back...

Repent....and It is forgotten forever more.....Stick to your guns and Im proud that you made that decission

together.....that took such great courage......God Bless You both

[Marnie]

Alright I need some help in the area of pre-marital sex. My girlfriend and have been doing this for the last week and I understand how wrong it is. What is even worse is I am a Bible study teacher for 30+ kids in jail. I have already let them down by doing this and it needs to come to an end. Those kids mean the world to me and I dont want to leave them over something like this.

Sounds like sex with the girlfriend means more to you than the kids do, otherwise you wouldn't be having sex!

So back to the sex problem. I have been a Christian my whole life and remained a virgin until the age of 20 when I blew it with my first girlfriend (who was a church youth leader). Then I fell again last week with my new girlfriend who has been a Christian for only 3 months. So not only have I sinned greatly, but I have brought this destruction upon 2 others as well. Reminds me of the verse:

Too bad you didn't learn the first time around. Guess you aren't familiar with the verse, "It is better to marry than burn."

"For whosoever causes one of these little ones to sin it is better for him to tie a millstone around his neck and cast it into the sea"

How long can you hold your breath?

I guess a lot of where the problem began is when my dad died when I was 17 and the family fell apart.

The problem is with you, not for dad, not your mom, not your poor potty training.

My bro lost his virginity, my sister did, and my mom was encouraging me to do the same.

They were twisting your arm to have sex, were they? My goodness...

I havent had a single person tell me how important it was to remain a virgin, only what God has told me.

Obviously you weren't listening to Him, why should we believe you would listen to us?.

My mom said that they used to get married at 13 and 14 years old back then, and now thats not the case so that makes it alright to have sex at my age (21).

If you are 21, and believe that crock from your mother, brother you shouldn't be leading a Bible study.

Is this kind of behavior acceptable in today's society?

Premarital sex is certainly acceeptable in society.

Can that be rationalized in the Bible like so many other things we do today?

Premarital sex is never ever condoned in the Bible. Why would you even wonder about such a thing and yet claim to teach the Bible to kids?

Can someone help me?

If you wanted help, you would have stopped after the first fling with the church worker. But, like so many guys, you use or I should say abuse your position of "authority" to lure young ladies into having sex with you, and then brag about on a forum in the guise of looking for help. You should be ashamed of yourself, and you need to stop "teaching" the Bible to those kids immediately. You dont need to be posting in here, you need to go to your pastor (assuming you go to church), tell him you have a problem and what you have done. You need to be put under the authority of a good pastor who will teach you and hold you accountable. I hope you mean it when you say you want help. No behavior is beyond the grace of G-d to forgive.

Edited February 8, 2006 by Marnie