To spank or not to spank?

[Smalcald]

There are two things that you reveal in your post that disturb me. They are honest statements but dangerous statements. Perhaps they reflect emotion but not conviction.

Your opening "I don't care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or can't do it." The Word is our standard and we submit to it.

Your later declaration that you hate your father will lead to deep problems and will adversely distort your own parenting skills. I do not say these things just to be confrontive. I pray you will rethink them in light of spiritual truth. This is more than a small issue of culture or personality

sorry but on some things i just think its a basic moral of all human beings whether they be christian, muslim, athiest...

So how would you react to your father then if he had constantly hit you all your life....

and i agree it could affect my parenting skills and this worries me alot...

Hi Hannah,

I was spanked severely as a child, and slapped and hit into my high school years. It was not effective and caused me to harden toward my parents.

Today I have children and I also have a respectful relationship with my parents. I do love them, however we will never have the relationship we could have had because of how they treated me, it just caused a distance which will never be bridged. But I also realize that I am called to respect them, which I do, but I respect them from a distance (about 2000 miles!).

Certainly this probably impacts my decision to not use physical violence on my own children (I don't think spanking is always abusive, some may be able to use it effectively). But anyway I have not felt tempted in the least to spank my kids and use very effective ways to discipline them when needed that do work. The key is boundaries and consistency, not necessary what form of punishment is used.

[>> Hannah <<]

I think that teaching i child what NO really means is all that needs to be done...

You are wrong for ever laying a finger on your children

next you will be saying domestic violence is acceptable

[David from New Bern]

There are two things that you reveal in your post that disturb me. They are honest statements but dangerous statements. Perhaps they reflect emotion but not conviction.

Your opening "I don't care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or can't do it." The Word is our standard and we submit to it.

Your later declaration that you hate your father will lead to deep problems and will adversely distort your own parenting skills. I do not say these things just to be confrontive. I pray you will rethink them in light of spiritual truth. This is more than a small issue of culture or personality

sorry but on some things i just think its a basic moral of all human beings whether they be christian, muslim, athiest...

So how would you react to your father then if he had constantly hit you all your life....

and i agree it could affect my parenting skills and this worries me alot...

I had a father who used severe physical punishment beyond what I have practiced in my own parenting. I honestly think he may have gone overboard on occassion, but I have turned out pretty well and unscarred emotionally. Your father hitting you now is uncalled for and I would suggest that he probably has never hit you for a justified reason probably. He is striking out of anger and that is never right a any point in a child's life. It sounds like he has an anger problem. As for you, I don't know your age, but the hate response has got to be dealt with in order to remain spiritually healthy. As to how I would respond, he wouldn't hit me anymore, even if that meant severing the relationship temporarily hopefully or permanently if need be.

[tah]

I believe I will continue with the spanking and the he will not die and the deliver his soul from hell part...

Heb 12:10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.

Heb 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

You cannot reason with a small child....

Punishment should always fit the crime as the old saying goes..

I only spank them when they are in rebellion ...

If they have been told and will not obey...

and absolutely kids are different..I had 6 and they were all amazingly different...

We need to seek God for the actions we take with them...I found that when I pray about the action to take with them God would give me a specific word and the kids knew it when they got older...they know when you have their interest in mind too or acting out of anger....

When they got to the 12 mark is when I got help with them and read Dr. Dobsons books on kids and was very blessed by them...

Wonderful Christian man who loves kids and wants to help folks raise God fearing children..

Lord Bless the Moms and Dad and give them wisdom in training up their children to be God fearing believers...

Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Psa 127:4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Psa 127:5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

[Guest LadyC]

smalclad and hannah, it's not surprising that you two are totally against spanking... because you've never experienced a spanking as discipline. you have both experienced abuse from a parent, and i'm truly sorry for that. but it has coloured and skewed your perspective because you equate spankings with abuse... and spankings, when properly administered (without anger) are NOT abusive, and are very effective.

i've known many parents who refused to ever spank a child.... and most often those children grow up without any respect for authority at all. there are, of course, exceptions to the rule, and i've known a few. they're just few and far between.

my parents were not afraid to spank. neither me nor my brothers grew up traumatized or emotionally scarred in any way. we have a loving respect for our parents. there WERE two times, however, when my father lost his temper. twice in my entire life... one time he slapped me in the mouth so hard my lip was cut on my braces, and another time when he didn't hit me, but i thought he would. the point is, even back then i recognized the difference between a spanking and being hit. (i forgave my father for those two instances in time.)

my brother raised three sons. none of them have an psychological issues with having been spanked.

i raised two daughters. neither of them have issues with having been spanked.

my youngest daughter is 18 and has a five month old son. at this point, she and her husband have no intention of ever spanking their child because her husband doesn't believe in it. that may very well change down the road. her husband has no respect for authority of any kind, freely cusses out his parents, displays very violent tendencies towards my daughter, and destructive tendencies around the baby. he exhibits anti-social behavior in almost every aspect of his life, and his temper goes unchecked. but he was never spanked. it's very likely that he never experienced any form of discipline, and maybe that's the difference... not just because he wasn't spanked but because he was never taught any form of accountability. but i really don't know. the only facts i have at my disposal is that his family does not believe in spanking and he is out of control...

i think what happens frequently with non-spanking people (and i have witnessed this) is that non-spankers often think that the way to raise their child is to be their best friend rather than an authoritative figure, and they fail to provide any means of correction at all.

for those here who do not believe in spanking, i hope you will find a way to provide firm and unwavering discipline to your children when you have them that works for you. i do think that for those who have experienced a lifetime of physical abuse at the hands of a parent, it is probably wise to make a commitment to never spank. it is better to err on the side of caution than to risk harming a child.

[yomotalking]

The OP:

(to)

Spanking never works for me......it just makes me feel hurt, resentful, and upset inside.

My friend, Serenity99 has never been smacked in her life.

She is the most obedient child I've met......

sooooo

I don't know.

[Guest LadyC]

yomo, it's great that she's never been smacked... i assume what you MEANT was that she's never spanked.

but there is a huge difference in the terms. smacking someone is hitting in an abusive way out of anger, usually not on the butt.

spanking is done on the butt as a corrective measure of discipline, done out of love for the child rather then anger.

[yomotalking]

oh.....ok....

All I know is, it doesn't work for me......I feel hurt and upset, and I always have done.......and with a lot of kids, they feel confused.....and do you think that it may be a Spiritual Rod?

Just wondering.........

[EricH]

Spare the rod, spoil the child; that's according to Solomon, the world's smartest man. Of course, he had thousands of wives and only one child. So.......was he really that smart? I think he got the discipline thing right, though. If not commanded, it is strongly suggested. But, it is a fact that spanking does not work with all children. I believe the Bible endorses reasonable discipline, including but not limited to spanking.

solomon said that ? where in the bible did he say that.................

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 13:24 NASB

Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with the rod, And deliver his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 23:13-14 NASB

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Proverbs 22:15 NASB

Now one would want to unpack these to see what they teach

[tah]

I did a study along time ago on these but as my children are already grown it is not something I really remember the meaning of..

they do not just speak of children in the natural but children in the spiritual..

If I can find the notes I will come back and post them because they were so meaningful to me at the time I needed them..

And I do not want to go on memory as I may not remember all to correctly what they were saying..

the one about "train up a child.." that one was really the most interesting to me....

God wants to drive out of us the desire to "go the wrong way"..

and I sure have needed that rod of reproof in my life...