To spank or not to spank?

[David from New Bern]

All three children of mine are familiar with the lecture...all three told me "they wish I would just beat the snot out of them and get it over!"

[Smalcald]

smalclad and hannah, it's not surprising that you two are totally against spanking... because you've never experienced a spanking as discipline. you have both experienced abuse from a parent, and i'm truly sorry for that. but it has coloured and skewed your perspective because you equate spankings with abuse... and spankings, when properly administered (without anger) are NOT abusive, and are very effective.

i've known many parents who refused to ever spank a child.... and most often those children grow up without any respect for authority at all. there are, of course, exceptions to the rule, and i've known a few. they're just few and far between.

my parents were not afraid to spank. neither me nor my brothers grew up traumatized or emotionally scarred in any way. we have a loving respect for our parents. there WERE two times, however, when my father lost his temper. twice in my entire life... one time he slapped me in the mouth so hard my lip was cut on my braces, and another time when he didn't hit me, but i thought he would. the point is, even back then i recognized the difference between a spanking and being hit. (i forgave my father for those two instances in time.)

my brother raised three sons. none of them have an psychological issues with having been spanked.

i raised two daughters. neither of them have issues with having been spanked.

my youngest daughter is 18 and has a five month old son. at this point, she and her husband have no intention of ever spanking their child because her husband doesn't believe in it. that may very well change down the road. her husband has no respect for authority of any kind, freely cusses out his parents, displays very violent tendencies towards my daughter, and destructive tendencies around the baby. he exhibits anti-social behavior in almost every aspect of his life, and his temper goes unchecked. but he was never spanked. it's very likely that he never experienced any form of discipline, and maybe that's the difference... not just because he wasn't spanked but because he was never taught any form of accountability. but i really don't know. the only facts i have at my disposal is that his family does not believe in spanking and he is out of control...

i think what happens frequently with non-spanking people (and i have witnessed this) is that non-spankers often think that the way to raise their child is to be their best friend rather than an authoritative figure, and they fail to provide any means of correction at all.

for those here who do not believe in spanking, i hope you will find a way to provide firm and unwavering discipline to your children when you have them that works for you. i do think that for those who have experienced a lifetime of physical abuse at the hands of a parent, it is probably wise to make a commitment to never spank. it is better to err on the side of caution than to risk harming a child.

Well it certainly may have played into our decision. But let me say, that is us and what we believe and what has worked for our family. I do not believe every family is the same, and I do know people in my own extended family who have used some spanking for younger kids and it has been okay, no problems. So I am not judging people who spank, for me I just don't think it works, but like I said that is ONLY my opinion.

But I also did some research which from what I have found shows that spanking is simply ineffectual. In general the homes that I personally have seen spanking are not homes where the kids are behaved or homes with good outcomes for kids, just the inverse in fact, not always but just in general what I have observed.

I want my kids to go to college, have careers be independent, and so far that has been the case for the oldest, I don't know why I would have ever had to spank her? Now, discipline and very firm boundaries in a consistent way is a whole different story. We didn't allow TV for a good portion of their childhood, we don't allow computers in their rooms, we have a very consistent rule about no single non group dating until after the age of 16, and these were all followed. They were not always followed willingly, in those cases you must have consequences, which are actually enforced in a consistent manner. I just find that removing privileges to be far far more effective than the threat of physical violence. Of course this must be a consistent plan from the earliest ages on, if you don

[Guest LadyC]

the key to remember is this... all children are differently and what works for one child may not work for another (even in the same household!)

i believe like you do that consistency is critical. it sounds like you did a good job. spankings in our home were limited to willfull disrespect and rebellion... they weren't frequent by any stretch of the imagination. and when they did occur, they were not violent. i think it is a gross misconception that spankings are an act of violence. again, there is a difference between a spanking (delivered on the bottom as a disciplinary action, but not in anger) and hitting (in anger, elsewhere other than the bottom).

[yomotalking]

Do you guys use the hand, rod, flyswat, spoon, and slipper?

I used to get all of these!

[David from New Bern]

Do you guys use the hand, rod, flyswat, spoon, and slipper?

I used to get all of these!

I would go get a 2 by 4 with a nail in the end and set it on the table...............................then use my hand...........after they left the room and cry .................because I hurt my hand.. .........Don't take me too serious on this one.

[Guest LadyC]

Do you guys use the hand, rod, flyswat, spoon, and slipper?

I used to get all of these!

usually i used my hand. a couple of times i used a belt, but in general (and i know many will disagree with this) i felt the hand was the best instrument for spankings, for the following reasons.

1. you have more control over making sure your hand lands on the correct target

2. a hand (particularly a woman's hand) has a built in limitation of how hard it strikes

3. if the child moves, a hand will not hurt as much as other instruments if it misses the intended target.

[tah]

When I was about 5 I remember my mom telling me to go get a switch..

It is really funny to me now but as a little kid you go get the smallest one you can find..

which of course she knew I would do.. ]

and it worked..I did not like to be switched so I behaved..Oh Yes...

For my children??

Whatever they needed is what I used...

I did not spank them out a a desire to hurt them but to discipline them to where there will would bend to mine...

I knew what they needed to do and they did not so it was important to get that across to them..

Or they would suffer the consequences later for not obeying me..

not necessarily in the now but in the future when they would have to make choices for their own good and not of their flesh desires..

rebellion is bound in the heart of a child and not just a physical child...we all need discipline and we should rejoice in it when it comes to us...

I am not speaking of abuse I am speaking of discipline..

no one likes it at the time but it is supposed to bring for the peaceable fruit of righteousness...