Friends forgive me

[Guest moonrakerbritish]

Please pray for me that god will have mercy on my soul, for in my mad search for healing and salvation of my own soul (I am a victim of verbal/emotional/mental abuse, and also an abuser) I have become disgustingly self-centered and prayed only for myself all this time.

Let this be no more. Please pray that god will forgive me.

[Ovedya]

Ahhhh...okay....Did I miss something somewhere? I'm happy to pray for you, but what's with all the guilt?

[Guest moonrakerbritish]

For decades I have been hoping god would save my soul from this abusive parent receiving only my father's incomparable ability to double-cross me in endless situations, making me look like I'm the bad person, the nasty mean person, that I'm the one doing this or that.

Causing a domino effect of memories, flashbacks, lack of ability to develop healthy child friendships and healthy adult relationships.

For years I prayed. The more I knew about him abusing me the more I prayed, without doing so much as mentally going outside for a breath of fresh air or a coffee break.

The more I learned that (and I am unashamed to say it) I, too, had become abusive out of my own accord, I prayed with *more* fervor....

For 17 years alone, no response. I am certain it is due to my own self-centeredness. My lack of praying for others.

[artsylady]

Wow. Sorry to hear about that. I'm a foster parent and well aware of the effects of child abuse.

I've heard that God will never allow you to be in a situation that you can't handle. I guess somehow you have handled it. And maybe, one day, you'll be very strong and a leader to other victims. I don't know what else to say.

Have you forgiven this person? I know this is difficult. But forgiveness is an important and Biblical step to your emotional recovery.

I read a book by Joyce Meyers, Beauty to Ashes, regarding overcoming abuse. While I don't agree with all of Joyce Meyers teachings, I highly recommend this book.

[artsylady]

One more thing to add. I'd wager that your father experienced the same kind of abuse he doled out to you. In almost all cases, the abusers were also abused. Picturing him as someone who was abused himself, and not knowing well enough, or not being equipped enough to stop and think and stop the abusive cycle may help you in your efforts to forgive him.

It's your turn to stop the cycle. God will help you, I'm certain of that. He loves you and you are his special child. You are very important to him. Believing yourself to be anything less would be believing the devil's lies. He wants you to remain a powerless, guilty, frightened victim. Stop beleiving that nonsense and give God the glory for what he will do in your life.

[rollinTHUNDER]

Have you forgiven this person?  I know this is difficult.  But forgiveness is an important and Biblical step to your emotional recovery.

This are very wise words here. And may I add that you will probably find no peace until you accomplish this deed. It is hard I know. For I didn't find peace until I forgave my dad for desserting our family.

I found peace immediately after I forgave him in my heart, even though it took me ten more years to tell him. That's because it took me ten years to find where he was.

He died about a year after that, which was just last year. I was so glad that I forgave him before he died. We also had some wonderful visits before he died. We always met at my Moms condo, as she had to forgive him too. But it was me who talked the rest of my brothers and sisters into forgiving him and brought him back into fellowship with us. One brother wasn't able to forgive him, but he tolerated him for the sake of the rest of us, which I thought was nice.

But I fail to see why moonrakerbritish is asking us for forgiveness. It doesn't appear that he or she has violated any of the members of this board. Or am I missing something here?

[traveller]

Amen THUNDER. Forgiveness is so very important. Moonraker, you say you have had no response. What do you mean? From whom? God? HE has already forgiven you IF you have asked Him to and you mean it. There will be no lightning bolt from heaven announcing it. BUT you have HIS word. He said

Psa 86:5 For thou, Lord, [art] good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Luk 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

1Jo 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

[Guest dove2]

moonraker, I will be praying for you. All that has been said here is correct. God has already forgiven you.

[Guest moonrakerbritish]

AL--You read my mind. Those lies of the devil are also my father's way of communicating with me, always has been for 27 years.

His mother is well-skilled in the abuse trade. Anyone can tell just by looking at her or hearing her voice.

These two like to play with marionettes.

He has always been angry with me, because I have laways, for 27 years, refused to be controlled.

T-- What I mean by no response is that God has always been perpetually silent for 27 years. Absolute silence to my cries and pleas for help.

Even more so now that, unlike my early years, I am now conscious and aware that I have been abused for 27 years, and also an abuser.

No response whatsoever.

[traveller]

Moonraker, I mean this in love, truly, but what kind of response are you looking for?

Sometimes, when He answers His children, we are too busy making noise, or going somewhere, or doing something to hear him. Remember Elijah?

1Ki 19:11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake:

1Ki 19:12 And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

1Ki 19:13 And it was [so], when Elijah heard [it], that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, [there came] a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

See? God was not in the strong wind or the earthquake. He was in the small quiet voice. We have to listen closely.

Also, do you read the word often? For He also speaks to us there.