Divorce support thread

[anitarose]

Ok I have had this question on my mind for a really long time.....and its not for me its for someone very close to me that I love alot....ok she was married with her second husband for 7 yrs and then they got divorced but since then they have always kept in contact so now they are living together but they are not married is that considered fornication??? (FYI they have been divorced 3 yrs) and I have asked unchristian ppl but they say its ok but i want to hear it from ppl who have knowledge of the Bible...In my opinion its fornication because they both say they are still married in the eyes of God! but they only say that when its convinient to them but on other occasions they say they are not married once again when its convinient to them ...So there is alot of confusion goin on here!!!!!!!!!!! PLZ HELP!!!

IMHO....if they are divorced, they are divorced. They are not married in the eyes of God any more since they have gotten divorced, and if they continue to "live in sin", they should remarry.

Sigh, wish I could get divorced. I know it will happen soon enough, but it ain't soon enough yet. Please pray for the $$$$ to come in for it...

a.

[anitarose]

Update, 4/18/09 10:18pm:

Thought I would share the events of the day with you....

I was sitting in shul today, and a lady friend came up to give me a hug. She asked me if there was anything I was wanting that was a unmeetable goal for me. The only thing I could think of was the divorce, and she picked up on it.

By the end of the day, I was given a check for the filing fees for the divorce, and everything will, by God's grace, be put into motion by the end of the week.

Thank the L-rd.

a.

[anitarose]

I have an update:

It's been a month. I haven't really gotten a chance to do anything about filing because I haven't talked to my ex. But yesterday, there were baby steps taken to finally get this sham of a marriage over with. I gave some papers to Jim to get signed and notarized so that I can turn them in. Since he has a bank account with a credit union, they should be able to notarize them at no charge.

Just continue to pray that he does just that, and gets the papers back to me quickly.

Thanks,

a.

[Guest Earthgal]

Hi, I'm new to the site. Since this is the area I need answers to, I came right in to ask for it. Some people in RL judge me before hearing the whole story but I hope as Christians, I'll get the truth with loving answers here.

Let me start by saying that I am not proud of my past, and I do well to not let it effect my life today. I am a new creature and follow the teachings of my Lord much more closely than before. (I'm 44) I have been married seven times and divorced 6 of those. My first husband I married once, my second husband twice, third husband three times, and now to my current husband. I was raised that God strongly frowns on divorce so I tried desperately to make them work.

I guess my question is this: Is there a limit to the amount of times we should consider marriage? And what are the "justifiable" reasons for Him allowing one?

*My first husband was abusive to my 5 month old son, slapping him in the face just for crying when he fell down. I got out quick from that one!

**My second husband; the first divorce was admittedly my fault. But the second time.. he was never home and left me and the kids on many occasions crying for him to stay home once and a while. "He was an over the road trucker gone for weeks at a time. Not really what I call giving to a healthy relationship when there are small children involved." It ended in an Ugly divorce. But thankfully, he still loves the kids and they consider him their Daddy. (2 which are not his. We had been together 15 years and had no kids together.)

***My Third husband started out great. He was fun, giving, caring, and I thought compassionate. He quit many jobs and we were forced to be homeless several times. The last straw was when I was 7 months pregnant with my last child. It was the middle of November in the Midwest and I was sleeping in a van parked in a driveway of a friend. My mother heard of this and said that me and the kids could stay with her, but he had to stay somewhere else. At first this hurt me, but I understand why as a Mother, she felt the way she did. I had to sell my wedding rings to prepare for the baby because he was not helping support us. He was spending his money on himself buying new clothes and even a car as well as drugs. We were divorced shortly after the birth of my son.

My son was born with mild birth defects and my husband even made the comment about him I will quote: "I finally have a kid with someone I love and it turns out like this." Knowing what God says about divorce and remarriage, I wanted to try to make it work with him because he was my last husband and I didn't want to raise my kids alone. Again, he had no regard to the welfare of the family and went back to his old ways. Divorced again.

ok I admit it, I had needs that were meant for marriage and gave it another go after almost a year of being single and celibate. He began to become very controlling and even went as far as stabbing my tire with a fork to stop me from associating with a child hood Female friend just because he didn't like her. She was never a threat to our marriage and even watched our son so that we could get out and do things once and a while. I stopped talking to her to make things better. I decided to go back to work since our son was old enough to go to daycare. My husband would stop in unannounced to make sure I was really working and would sometimes stand around and watch me work. My bosses didn't like this too much as I was in the retail business and the customers come first. They were uncomfortable with him standing by me and would not approach me for help. Long story short. I didn't work there long. Seeing him grow more and more controlling, I felt I needed to get out of that marriage before it turned ugly. I've seen how the cycle of abuse works.

****My current husband.. Oh what a dream it was, to marry my high school sweetheart. Everything seemed perfect. He was strong, handsome, funny, very talented, a protector, and was good at any type of work. I knew he had been a recovering drug addict and was doing well for the year we dated before getting married. Not sure exactly when it took a wrong turn, but he started using again in secret. His daughter was telling me so I started watching for the signs. When I found evidence in the bathroom one night I asked him about it. He confessed and said that he needed my help to "clean up". I let him stay in bed for 2 weeks while getting clean, keeping all company from seeing him. Including his own kids. All was ok after that. SO I thought. he was acting weird and was even starting to steal things from our neighbors. I expressed to him that he had to stop this and he knew it was wrong because we were attending Church on a regular basis. Our Pastor even gave him a key to the Church so he could maintain the landscape. I went to my Pastor with my concerns and needless to say, the Pastor took back the keys. Of course, I don't blame him. He started to get violent with me and I knew it was just a matter of time until he went over the edge, so I had to make him leave. It's been 3 years now, since he has been gone, but we haven't gotten our divorce yet. Since the recent death of his oldest son, he has turned his back on God and even blames God for letting him die. He has become wicked and hateful.

Hearing all of this, do I really have the right to divorce him and remarry again? Have I spent my chances for a happy marriage on the wrong guys? I am doing fine financially with out a man in my life, but there is something missing in my heart. I know God loves me unconditionally and what man could even come close to that? None. But I long to have that male companionship in my daily life.

Wow.. some soap opera huh? Anyone know what God would say? I haven't received an answer from Him yet.

Edited May 22, 2009 by Earthgal

[anitarose]

I just wanted to let everyone know who reads this thread that I have FINALLY filed the papers. With any kind of grace at all, this 17 year nightmare will be over by Christmas. Thanks.

a.