Marriage for the Kids

[Floatingaxe]

EXCELLENT, Bib!

[quieth3art]

Billie, you didn't just make a promise. You made a vow.

Deu 23:21 When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.

Deu 23:22 But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee.

Deu 23:23 That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth.

Ecc 5:4 When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.

Ecc 5:5 Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.

Ecc 5:6 Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?

Ecc 5:7 For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also divers vanities: but fear thou God.

My daughter, having problems in her marriage, came to me for advice. Who am I to give advice? My husband left me. Instead, I gave her a book that I came upon recently, "You Can Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband," by Darian Cooper. In just a week, she has seen drastic changes. Not because the book offers her ways to change him... Not At All. The book offers her ways to change her own thinking and sometimes actions. I often hope that it is in God's will to send me a man so I can put Darian's advice to work.

[sierra21]

(((((((((BILLIE)))))))))

Now I'm not married so I don't have advice or anything but I can only tell you the story that my grandmother told me a few months ago. We were talking about my grandfather (He died about 16 years ago) and how they met and were married and the such and I asked her if she was always happy with him. Her face got sort of sad and she shook her head. She said most of her marriage was not good. He didn't treat her all that well (something I didn't know, but then I didn't really know my grandfather as he died early in my life), and she wasn't even sure if she was really in love with him....but she was sure that she loved the Lord and her children more than her husband which meant that she would follow through with her vow to my grandfather. Their marriage did not always have love, but they supported one another and lived for Jesus...even though their marriage was not what most desired.

I admire my grandmother because even though her marriage wasn't what she had hoped, she still believed that it was the will of God that she be with my grandfather and lived her life accordingly.

Now of course we all desire to have marriages that are full of love and a mutual respect for one another (heck, thats why im still looking) but it may just be that the person you choose changes, or goes through some unforseen challenges which can put a damper on the marriage. It's important to remember that you love God MORE than your husband and you made a vow to God AND your husband to stay in the marriage and work through the tough times. It is the will of God that you and your husband are together so you must trust HIM that he will make the situation what He desires.

I'm sorry if all that didn't make much sense...but my prayers are with you.

Sierra

[billie]

Thanks everyone. I want to share something with you all.

I read one Bible chapter a day. This morning I happened to be on the first chapter of Isaiah.

Isaiah 1:19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: 20 But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

He spoke to me through these and other verses in that chapter. If I'm willing and obedient to stay in my marriage, or if I refuse and rebel. I'm staying. I sure don't want to be devoured by the sword.

It also speaks in there about the faithful city, Zion. Then it speaks about how it's become like Sodom and Gommorrah. God isn't impressed or pleased with the vain repetions of the sacrifices. It doesn't mean anything anymore. He promises to make the people right again by allowing them to endure suffering. He showed me I'm the cities, far from Him in my heart, yet still going through the motions. He'll bring me back into the right place, but it won't feel good.

[Guest stevej]

Thanks everyone. I want to share something with you all.

I read one Bible chapter a day. This morning I happened to be on the first chapter of Isaiah.

Isaiah 1:19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: 20 But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

He spoke to me through these and other verses in that chapter. If I'm willing and obedient to stay in my marriage, or if I refuse and rebel. I'm staying. I sure don't want to be devoured by the sword.

It also speaks in there about the faithful city, Zion. Then it speaks about how it's become like Sodom and Gommorrah. God isn't impressed or pleased with the vain repetions of the sacrifices. It doesn't mean anything anymore. He promises to make the people right again by allowing them to endure suffering. He showed me I'm the cities, far from Him in my heart, yet still going through the motions. He'll bring me back into the right place, but it won't feel good.

Billie, still praying here. Know the road ahead will not be perfect, but still praying!

[HAZARD]

I'm really just fed up with my marriage, but I don't want to tear our family up for the kids' sake. Has anyone had this situation happen before where you just stayed for the kids?

Dear Billie.

I am going to go against the grain here. If you are being abused, emotionally or physically, get out. God does not expect His children to remain with an abuser. The only thing wrong with sataying with an abuser for any length of time, is staying for any length of time and one more day. The children are better off with one happy mother than with two parents who are constantly arguing and especially if one is abusing the other. In God's eyes, anyone who abuses their partner is a wicked person, and In Proverbs 25 verse 26 it states: "A righteous man falling down before the wicked, is a troubles fountain, and a corrupt spring." And "He that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls" (Proverbs 15:28). Do you have control over your spirit, or is your partner controling you? Are your walls broken down? If so Billie, God allows you to leave.

God bless.

Haz.

[kat8585]

I haven't had to do this, but my daughter is doing it. She is miserable, but she makes the best of it. I don't see how, tho.

It sounds like she loves her Lord more than her life. This is what we are all called to do.

Derrick

Actually, that's not why she stays. She stays becausae she feels trapped, and also feels she has to stay for her daughter. He's one of the most emotionally abusive men I've ever known. He also treats her daughter from her first marriage like dirt. Fortunately she is grown now, but she was only 7 when they got maried.

[HAZARD]

I haven't had to do this, but my daughter is doing it. She is miserable, but she makes the best of it. I don't see how, tho.

It sounds like she loves her Lord more than her life. This is what we are all called to do.

Derrick

Actually, that's not why she stays. She stays becausae she feels trapped, and also feels she has to stay for her daughter. He's one of the most emotionally abusive men I've ever known. He also treats her daughter from her first marriage like dirt. Fortunately she is grown now, but she was only 7 when they got maried.

Dear Kat8585.

Emotional abuseres are the lowerst form of pond scum there is. You know just as physical abuse leaves scars that do eventually fade, emotional abuse leaves scars on the mind of a person that are ever so hard to erase. Especially on children. Tell her to leave him, help her if you can and if she allows you to. This has nothing to do with religion, apart from the fact that the husband is a sinner by abusing his wife and not loving and protecting and sheltering her.. Any minister or priest who advises a woman to stay in such a situation is a "crock" and not worthy of his calling. God will never hold to ransom a woman who leaves an abuser. Thats not what marriage is about.

God be with you and your family.

Haz.

[quieth3art]

Billie, if you can get your hands on a copy of it, I really recommend that book I mentioned earlier. It can bring you such peace of mind. I commend you for staying.

[cjrose]

I'm really just fed up with my marriage, but I don't want to tear our family up for the kids' sake. Has anyone had this situation happen before where you just stayed for the kids?

For a while I was staying for the kids, then I seemed to come to the point where our distance is just a phase and I vasilate from time to time on why I stay. I think there must be love there but is it enough for another 20 years? Dunno. I do think that he loves me a lot more than I love him in the way a wife should love a husband and he deserves better than what I have to offer. My heart is not into the relationship at the moment but I am so focused on the Lord, happiness is not a significant emotion for me right now. But on the other hand, I need to learn to adjust so that I can be what everyone needs and still be fulfilled. I guess I'm just waiting for a sign and if it takes the next 20 years so be it.

I just know that divorce devastated me and changed my life and I fear to put my children through that for the sake of my own frustration and just pray and hope that a resolution surfaces soon for all our sakes.

I feel for you sis and always here for you