A Filthy house

[peaceafire]

Thank you lady pear tree, johni and all other replies for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I did have a nice discussion with the mom regarding the feces messes , she has agreed that this is the one area that she needs to start with being consisitent on cleaning I suggested this as a first step and that even is she just focus on this area for consistencies sake I would work with her to come up with an orginizational system that would work for her and the boys. And thank You all moms for reminding this retired old nana that having wee ones in the home can be more than a little messy on an ongoing basis. I totally related to the cleaning of one room and having it hit hard while cleaning the next room. I am not alone..whew

GodBless you all

[Johni]

I think you are being a great help to her and I am very much in favor of assisting someone to help themself. No doubt I would have benefitted from having someone do the same for me back when I was being so disfunctional!

Ladypeartree, I hope you did not think I was disagreeing with what you had said. I wasn't at all. I was just remembering my feelings from that brief time in my life when I felt so overwhelmed. Honestly if there had been some lady in my life who could have taken the roll that peacesfire is taking for this one--I would have been much better off. Part of my problem was thinking I either had to do it all (which seemed impossible at the time) or just not trying to do it at all.

I agree that messy and filthy are not the same thing. I probably did have some times when my house was more than just messy but we did not have feces on the floor either so guess it was not actually unhealthy most of the time. I don't regret the awful housekeeping of those years but I do regret the times I was not as patient and loving as I should have been as a mom.

[ladypeartree]

Johni ..I wasnt upset with anyone but didnt want anyone to think that I was critisizing them either ...been a single mum of 4 children and suffered due to being a battered wife for many years and I just know that the only thing that worked was the NEED to sort things out ..if someone had taken it all off my shoulders I would probably have let them do it and never got over the depression

As for "mess" you want to all come and see what my home looks like after an invasion of the tinny terrors ?...I love it ....it is a real state but it is CLEAN in that there are no ( or few ) health hazzards and the time for them to be messy children goes so very fast . When my children were growing up my home was the neighbourhood playground and they have wonderful memories of having friends always welcome ....as I tell my children thier children will not remember if the pyjamas were ironed and the floors scrubbed but they will remember if they had bedtime stories and prayers WITH mum

[Iryssa]

I think educating her on bacteria and its potential health risks to children may also help: many people simply do not understand the risks. Ever watched "How Clean is Your House?" It's startling the amount of potentially DEADLY bacteria they find in people's shower drains, carpets, and kitchen sinks. As much as I can understand what it is to get stuck in a rut and not have the motivation or energy to clean, it's a different matter entirely when you're putting your child at risk.

Maybe go to your local health clinic or hospital to see if they have some pamphlets on the risks of letting household bacteria take over. Think about things like salmonella and such.

One thing you might do is help her set up a cleaning routine. It helps some people to just have it written down and scheduled...doesn't have to be much, either, just little bits at a time. Think a list like this one, maybe done up nicely in calendar format and put on a great bulletin board or something:

Saturday: Clean the toilet.

Monday: Vaccum

Tuesday: Clean the bathroom sink.

etc.

Maybe also setting up a system with the cleaning products themselves will help...set them in the places where they will be used. For instance, I keep two bottles of Vim Oxy-Gel with rolls of paper towel alongside them: one under the bathroom sink and one under the kitchen sink. In my life it makes it easier because I can do things quickly and unobtrusively, like quickly cleaning the sink after I've used the toilet if I have unexpected guests. In her life it might help her so she's not running all over the house gathering the things she needs, so it's less work and less time out of her life.

I dunno...just some suggestions. Hopefully they help, or at least inspire your own new and better ideas.

[peaceafire]

I think educating her on bacteria and its potential health risks to children may also help: many people simply do not understand the risks. Ever watched "How Clean is Your House?" It's startling the amount of potentially DEADLY bacteria they find in people's shower drains, carpets, and kitchen sinks. As much as I can understand what it is to get stuck in a rut and not have the motivation or energy to clean, it's a different matter entirely when you're putting your child at risk.

Maybe go to your local health clinic or hospital to see if they have some pamphlets on the risks of letting household bacteria take over. Think about things like salmonella and such.

One thing you might do is help her set up a cleaning routine. It helps some people to just have it written down and scheduled...doesn't have to be much, either, just little bits at a time. Think a list like this one, maybe done up nicely in calendar format and put on a great bulletin board or something:

Saturday: Clean the toilet.

Monday: Vaccum

Tuesday: Clean the bathroom sink.

etc.

Maybe also setting up a system with the cleaning products themselves will help...set them in the places where they will be used. For instance, I keep two bottles of Vim Oxy-Gel with rolls of paper towel alongside them: one under the bathroom sink and one under the kitchen sink. In my life it makes it easier because I can do things quickly and unobtrusively, like quickly cleaning the sink after I've used the toilet if I have unexpected guests. In her life it might help her so she's not running all over the house gathering the things she needs, so it's less work and less time out of her life.

I dunno...just some suggestions. Hopefully they help, or at least inspire your own new and better ideas.

Some great suggestions thank you , was actually searching for sites online that talked about household bacteria to email her as she tends to go straight for email/internet in evenings. I did place the oxy/antibacterial sprays in handy places in relation to common and regular concerns. Thank You Iryssa God Bless you.

[None]

You have a great opportunity for teaching as well, and I would suggest that you sit down over coffee with this mom, and ask if she minds you doing the cleaning that she can't get to. If she doesn't mind, then you can impress upon her how a thankless wife (or husband!) might feel when she puts forth an effort to please and bring order and the next thing it's just back to where it was! you can do that with humour and grace, as the Lord leads. Letting it go by is not being instructive, and as Christians, we have an obligation to lead.

As she registers that you are less than pleased and yet you brought it forward with grace and love, she will begin to respect your efforts, and in that, she may put forth a bit of effort for her own home and family's sake.

I have found that people, like children, learn best when they have help and a good "teacher".

That is true Christian love.

[message]

:emit-highfive: Hi! Jinni..

Please forgive me everyone.. but I just had to say something..

I am very sure that with this SOOO! encouraging post.. lots of Mums will see it..and be encouraged..by it in some way..

Especially when you are telling How Wonderfully.. they are now doing as men with their own families to look after..

WOW! aS THEY SAY.....' Actions Speak Louder Than Words..' Well done that Mum,

Well Done!!!

And to the lady that started this thread..

As I was reading it.. Very Well Done to you Dear One..

I do not think anyone could have done any better than you, I really don't..

We all have times of fear and great doubt , with the things, sometimes.. we wouldn't be human beings if we didn't would we..

But I really think you were really on track, with how you were managing things.. and it looked like that lady was slowely following you..Sitting down having coffee together,,WOW!

Carry on, the way U are.. Sincere and heartfelt wishes and feelings.. Well they are really the best..And thats the answer to it all..Just do your very best..Jesus put you right where you are needed, Dear One..

Do you know what..I have a post card..stuck up on the wall in front of the computer..I bought it in our local Christian book-shop..Maybe if you haven't seen one like this.. you could copy out what I will tell you.. and perhaps one day.. just doodle away with it.. and make it into a great pretty thing.. which has a very strong message,,

It looks like this.. it is post-card size.. and it has four box'es going right along the top.. and counting those, it has four downwards on the side's and four along the bottom.. which leaves a square in the middle.. Now in, all the boxes, it says the same thing.. which is right along the top of each box..are the letters ..W W J D and at the bottom of each box is the answer in all, about the post card..

W W J D.........WHAT WOULD JESUS do?

Actually.. Just Do What You Were Doing.. Which Was..............

Just Follow Your Instinct..... And Do What Jesus Would DO..........

As I read your post I was nodding to myself..And agreeing with all you said..

Don't you ever doubt those very Wise and Heartfelt Sincere Wishes..

You Cannot build Rome in a day..a saying goes.. Perhaps this lady never knew her Mum..

Do you ever watch Monkey World.?.

Wel,l if the Monkeys that have been rescued... have seen their Mum, with a baby monkey a brother or sister..

Even though their Mum was probably killed while that chimp.. was very small..........

It still has partly the instinct.. to know what to do..

But if it never knew its mum.. then the poor dear has to struggle around.. not knowing what on earth is happening to it..

In such pain.. I love that programme..The programme shows, with the ones that never knew their mum..to give birth..and to clean the baby chimp up..

And then what happens.. within a day..we see the Mum just keep putting it down on the straw and often walking away from it...

Does that help at all..Monkeys are so like us.. and I think are only 1 cromerson (? can't spell.. And nowhere in the dictionary can I find it.. must have dropped out when I wasn't looking.. HA! HA! LOL!.......... 1 Cromerson....[whatever that is?] I less than we have got.. thats their brain power...

So think we can see.. by what I have said.. they are quite like us..

Therefore..if the lady who is finding it had to do things.. Perhaps she didn't have anything to do with her Mum, for some reason..

Or it could be that There is a sorta weakness running inall the Mums, in that family..

So perhaps, they do not teach at the time they should.. just by letting a child watch what she is doing..?!

Don't know if that makes any sense.....But there is a good point there if you study long enough...You are all clever ladies there..I am sure you can see what I mean.. I know I get things in a muddle at times.. thats whats left over from being so ill, but the last couple of months, my mind is starting to clear..HALLELUJAH!!

I do hope that will help you dear lady.. sorry I have forggoten your name..[ short memory..]

But I think you were both so good and right too...

If the lady who started this thread and carries on as she thinks.. then she really will surprise the childrens Mum.. when they all come home with really good jobs like our other friend here..Well done to you both...Gold Star Each...

Gold Star to you both..

Just keep on doing your best..

You can't lose.. you are on the right track...

Well done.. 100/100...

Love you both..

From messageX+

[peaceafire]

Thank You all Saints for advice and encouragement, May the Spirit of Joy in the Lord rest upon you all.

Day by day I am seeing small improvements, with much prayer and a bit of elbow grease. I have enlisted the children in a big way with a chore chart..which they really enjoy participating in, they are looking forward to the reward od being able to find toys that have been lost a long time and knowing which drawer to look in to find socks. the mom has decided to postpone potty training until he is more ready to use potty, and she is starting to have a more optimistic outlook that her home could be clean and yet play messy at the same time, really with all your excellent suggestions we have come along way in a short time working together as one body .

I give thanks dear Lord for all that You have accomplished here, May You be Glorified in the assembly for the cleanliness you bring in new life. Lord I continue to pray for salvation for these family's and they would also sing praises to Your great name for all that You have done inChrist Jesus I pray Amen