Is divorce ever permitable?

February 14, 2004

Greetings in Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior! I believe that God does not approve of divorce. His Word does outline 2 instances where divorce is acceptable, however. One being marital unfaithfulness....the other being that one is a believer and the other is not, if the unbeliever wants out or wants you to choose, then the believer is not bound. All this has already been stated, I know. I do want to add one thing though....I do believe that even in these given circumstances, it should be tried to be worked out, if at all possible. Being that God does not like divorce.....divorce, therefore, should not be the FIRST option, even in the given circumstances. Too many times people have a fight about what kind of juice to drink and they want to get a divorce over that. That's not to belittle what happened with you, Cats and Dove....not at all....I do believe you both did what was right there and the Lord has blessed you both.

I don't believe in pre-marital counceling simply because that is seeking MAN'S wisdom and not God's. Just my opinion though. I also agree with Shadow2B....that God has someone specifically picked out for you. He will lead you to that person if you will let Him.

Since everyone else is, I might as well testify too.

I grew up in an abusive home. My Dad was physically and mentally abusive to my sister and I. My mother talked of divorce the whole time I grew up. It wasn't until my sisters 18th birthday that she announced she was leaving my dad. She had many affairs during their marriage....it was known by my dad....he had one too and it was known by my mother. She did, in fact, leave my dad and they have currently been seperated 2 years....each of them has a "significant other" even though they are still married.

I have never been married before. I had boyfriends, yes....only one of which was semi-serious. Well, he proposed to me 1 week after he met me....and I accepted. (dumb, I know)

A week later, I moved in with him and his grandmother. We were together for almost 3 years, but a date was never set. A little more than a year into our relationship, he got physically and sexually abusive.

It was while I was with him that I met my husband in an online chatroom. My husband and I exchanged pictures, letters, phone calls, and e-mails. We broke up 3 times before we got together again for good. I got baptised in a Episcopal Church after one of our break-ups and tried my hardest to not do drugs, alcohol, have sex, or swear anymore. I still wasn't saved though. My husband had gotten saved shortly after we met online.

About 2 weeks before my 3 year "anniversary", I left my boyfriend...got on a bus and went to be with my husband.

It was on my busride to be with him that I asked the Lord into my heart and life.

My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years now and we have an 11 week old baby girl. I have never been happier in my whole life. Do I know that I know that I know that my marriage is of God? You betcha! How? BEFORE my husband even saw a picture of me, he had a dream of a woman...that woman was me! BEFORE we even got married, I had SEVERAL dreams....dreams of a man (my husband)....dreams of a child (our daughter)....dreams of a room with stuff in it, like it was just moved in to (our CURRENT living room)....dreams of conversations my husband and I have had....all this was before I even moved to marry him. Yeah, it was DEFINITELY of God!

Blessings...

February 15, 2004

-Posted on Feb 11 2004, 11:18 PM

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I can not see God wanting a woman to stay in a marriage where she is beaten daily, verbally abused and the husband holds the wife down for his brother to rape her. NO! This is not of God. God does not want us staying in that type of marriage. You can never convince me that I should have stayed in that type of marriage not in a million years. These are just a few of the things that happened to me. I was raised when you get married it is for good. Well that was bad advice. It is not good to lose one's hearing in an ear because they have been beaten or to lose the sense of smell because they have been beaten. You give me Bible scriputure that tells me that I should have stayed in such a marriage. I don't think you can give me scripture to my satisfaction.

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-WOWWWWwwww--live & learn---even after 40years you can "learn"things that absolutely

-overwhelms & devastates you with the sufferings of your wife at the hands of some scumbag man

-HOW can a husband ever compensate or make-up for her sufferings??NOT very well at all,it takes

-the love & compassion of JESUS & the love of the HOLY-SPIRIT.......A loving husband can only take

-into consideration those things his wife endured before they were called & united in marriage by

-JESUS-& make absolutely certain that NOTHING like those terrible atrocities are ever so much as

-thought of again by his wife----Compassion--LOVE-dedication to the LORD JESUS FIRST & then

-the male & female are joined together as one flesh in that LOVE with JESUS....THIS is TRUE LOVE

-Faithful LOVE-unconditional LOVE that says{I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF ANY SIN YOU CAN COMMITT

-AGAINST JESUS OR ME!!!}THAT is a marriage "made in heaven"-GOD-BLESS-ALL-MARRIAGES-MADE-

-IN-HEAVEN---------PLEASE------IN JESUS NAME---A-MEN---

February 15, 2004

AMEN, Brother!

February 16, 2004

Arthur Durnan said: Well. what precisely are we perusing here in these particular postings? To a large degree, the personal experiences of various kind folk, several of whom admit having made grievous errors in their choice of a life-partner. It's very interesting indeed that so many of us are quick to point out the absolute horrors of our life-partner in holy matrimony - but hardly ourselves! Why is that? We need to be reminded afresh that it takes TWO to tango, not just "the other person."

Arthur to answer your question: I wasn't a perfect wife. I was a 16 year old bride. I kept the house and was not allowed to go visit friends or work. I was nagging when it came to my husband coming home long enough to change clothes so he could go out and get drunk with his buddies and his girl friends. I knew when he came home each night after being out until 3 or 4 in the morning that I would get a beating for who knows what reason. If I said nothing I would get a beating, if he thought I looked at him wrong I would get a beating or if I said anything I would get a beating. His best quality was he did work.

My terrible sin is this marriage? If I had of just let him go out get drunk, run around on me, beat me and not said a word it would have been a perfect world for him, but not for me. I was married to him for almost three years. I tried and I tried to make a go of this marriage. Three years was long enough as far as I was concerned.

He was a preacher's kid and preacher's kids it seems used to always rebel against everything. His dad, a preacher, had numerous affairs openly even with a preacher woman.

Yep, my bad part in this marriage was not keeping my mouth shut and not wanting him to run around on me or beat me. Is that too much for a woman to want? I didn't run around on him and I didn't run around with my friends. I did ask him to stay home to be a husband. I am sure that he has his own side to the story, but this is my side. Yep, it takes two to tango and one to punch the other out!

Work in Progress · February 16, 2004

Well. what precisely are we perusing here in these particular postings? To a large degree, the personal experiences of various kind folk, several of whom admit having made grievous errors in their choice of a life-partner. It's very interesting indeed that so many of us are quick to point out the absolute horrors of our life-partner in holy matrimony - but hardly ourselves! Why is that? We need to be reminded afresh that it takes TWO to tango, not just "the other person."

After we hear from each other & our personal life experiences involving alcohol, abuse, bad choice, adultery, whatever, it's of tremendous importance that we also hear what the Lord has stated in His Holy & settled Word of Truth. God says in Malachi that He "hates divorce." Plumb and plain. And the Lord Jesus Christ calls for continued faithfulness & loyalty in marriage, "let no man put asunder." Very straightforward.

Then He adds what is known as an "exception clause" in Matthew 19, "except it be for fornication." The Greek word is, as you know, the word "porneia," with reference to a continued unfaithfulness. Our word "prostitute" is rooted in the word "porneia." Most biblical commentators I read explain such as a life given over to unfaithfulness as that of a harlot.

The multiplicity of excuses offered today for marital break-up don't ring very true in the light of our Saviour's explicit sole exception. Biblical marriage is not ended over monetary dispute (altho that is a major cause of marital conflict), in-law interference, differences over the number of children & their upbringing, church choice, constant television football annoyances, intensity of certain friendships, or whatever. Far too often, these are but personal excuses for personal mistakes made in the first place. Long before individuals are united in Christian marriage, all these issues should have been resolved in joint Christian counselling sessions. Too many Christians today marry on the basis of personal wants & personal desires - and on a despicable "what-can-you-offer-to-me" basis instead of on "how-can-I-meet-your-needs?" Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition; it's a 100-to-zero compliance on both parts. Anything less can spell a living disaster if not sooner, then later.

The bottom line is that sinful men & women enter marriage with their own preconceived rules & expectations. "Civil RIGHTS" instead of "Civil Responsibilities." Marriage will work for them UNTIL THEY SEE FIT TO DISSOLVE IT. And both parties therefore live with that thot uppermost in mind. To so many of us today, divorce is a clear-cut OPTION whereas God declares He "hates" such. Divorce should NEVER be an option for the child of God. Stay single unless & until you can accommodate yourself to GOD'S crystal-clear & schoolroom-obvious marital principles of an equal yoke and a lifetime commitment. It begins at the beginning, not at the half-way mark: Spirit-filled Christian believers united in Christ & His Word - and in the hallmark of a mutual committed prayer-life via the power of the Blessed Holy Spirit - determined to walk with God in obedience and faith regardless of the circumstances.

When the Lord decides to forsake His blood-bought Church (with all its sin and shortcomings), only THEN may be the time to desert HIS holy principles. "It's ME, It's ME, It's ME, O Lord; Standing in the need of prayer. Not my brother, not my sister, but it's ME, O Lord, Standing in the need of prayer!" Thank You, Lord Jesus, for your ever-continuing love for us without hesitation!

Wow, Arthur, that was excellent.

I get irritated at those who portray those of us who believe the Scriptures when they say there is to be no remarriage while a spouse is still alive as "expecting someone to stay in an abusive relationship." That is not an accurate portrayal, nor have I seen one person, on or off this board, say a woman should stay in a marriage where she is abused. Portraying those of us who believe remarriage is forbidden in Scripture in that way is dishonest and, IMO, a way to take the light off of those who have remarried. JMO. Again, I have seen no one say that a woman should stay in an atmosphere of abuse. Hardly.

There are so many sins we are involved in BEFORE we are saved. Sins with consequences. Yet, people have no problem with understanding that we are STILL accountable for those sins. Why is it different with this issue? I suppose that, with that reasoning, a married person who was involved in an illicit affair and then got saved could say - "well, I didn't know any better, I wasn't saved, and surely God doesn't expect me to give up this person that I know is the right one for me." Some people (not saying anyone on this board) seem to want a free pass when it comes to marrying the wrong person before salvation. I've seen it so many times. I suppose it's because the Biblical consequences of it are so severe.

November 14, 2005

Instead of posting a lot here, Ill link my site on this topic.

http://www.geocities.com/divorceandremarriage/

it deals mostly with explaining the proof texts and such more thoroughly, hopefully it helps.

November 15, 2005

I did the "Evelyn Wood" thing with this thread, so I apologize up front if I missed something. I don't think I did, so this is why I am posting here.

First of all, the ONLY permissable reason for divorce between believers is Adultery. Throughout all scripture there is no corresponding permission given to women. Those that want the language of the original divorce law to be "unisex" have only to look at Christ's repetition of that law to know that it was in fact only given to men.

Before anyone leaps to 1st Corinthians 7 to claim other reasons for divorce, please let me point out that what happens in 1st Corinthians 7 between and unbelieving spouse and a believing one is not termed divorce. Just as marriage is not the only way to make people husband and wife, so divorce is not the only way to end a marriage.

We need to seriously rethink both marriage and divorce for they are not what we want them to be or think they are. Divorce is only permitted for cause of adultery between believers, that permission is only given to men, the reason is that a man cannot commit adultery against his wife. He can commit adultery, but the sin is not committed against his wife.

Hugh McBryde