Choosing to have children without a man...

[Marnie]

let's break this down a little.... my question is for those who are defending adoption by single women (or men).

do you think it's unselfish in any circumstances, or do you, (like me) believe that it is unselfish for a woman to adopt an otherwise unadoptable child?

do you feel that a woman who adopts an infant is being selfish, knowing that so many couples are on long waiting lists hoping to adopt a newborn?

I think it depends on the person. I have seen a lot women, married and single, who selfishly want to have a houseful of youngins. They give a variety of reasons, and they are all self centered.

I defend the right of a good, moral and decent woman who may be single to adopt a child if she has the ways and means to raise that child and give that child all the love and access to opportunity he may need.

[Marnie]

Children are designed to need both parents. Each parent has something to offer a child that the other one can not. It may seem like a selfless act but in reality is it not. I don't understand why people, married couples, who have the money and the room don't go to adopt older orphans? That puzzles me. Instead of that new car, get a used one and go adopt a child. Instead of that Bahama vacation, go somewhere local and adopt a child.

If I had the money and the room, my house would be full of children. Probably why I don't have any money. . .

I know so many couples that waited and waited for a child. The rules and regulations in adopting a child are endless. The truth is, if you have enough money and social status, you can adopt any child you wish.

I am not sure I approve of invetro. Several eggs fertalized, some implanted, the rest thrown away. . . Just doesn't seem right to me.

Not everybody couple wants to have children, Bib. In fact, there are couples who may not even care for children. They love each other and that's enough for them. There is no virtue in producing offspring if you really don't want them. I mean, really, I don't know that there is anything wrong with a couple who would prefer one child or two and be able to travel, take those kids to new places, and ensure they have the resources to send the kids to college and so on. Everybody is different.

[Guest Biblicist]

Children are designed to need both parents. Each parent has something to offer a child that the other one can not. It may seem like a selfless act but in reality is it not. I don't understand why people, married couples, who have the money and the room don't go to adopt older orphans? That puzzles me. Instead of that new car, get a used one and go adopt a child. Instead of that Bahama vacation, go somewhere local and adopt a child.

If I had the money and the room, my house would be full of children. Probably why I don't have any money. . .

I know so many couples that waited and waited for a child. The rules and regulations in adopting a child are endless. The truth is, if you have enough money and social status, you can adopt any child you wish.

I am not sure I approve of invetro. Several eggs fertalized, some implanted, the rest thrown away. . . Just doesn't seem right to me.

Not everybody couple wants to have children, Bib. In fact, there are couples who may not even care for children. They love each other and that's enough for them. There is no virtue in producing offspring if you really don't want them. I mean, really, I don't know that there is anything wrong with a couple who would prefer one child or two and be able to travel, take those kids to new places, and ensure they have the resources to send the kids to college and so on. Everybody is different.

You are right, of course. Just because I would fill my home with ankle biters doesn't mean everyone wants to do that.

I think at this stage in our lives, I would not adopt a child because I am so looking forward to my children growing up and leaving the nest so we can be alone again. Selfish of me. Maybe. I guess we don't need to worry about it though since we have no money or room to adopt. God is sovereign!

[Marnie]

You are right, of course. Just because I would fill my home with ankle biters doesn't mean everyone wants to do that.

I think at this stage in our lives, I would not adopt a child because I am so looking forward to my children growing up and leaving the nest so we can be alone again. Selfish of me. Maybe. I guess we don't need to worry about it though since we have no money or room to adopt. God is sovereign!

Hey, what's selfish about that?? You're supposed to raise your kids to leave home! Before they came along, it was just you and Mr. Bib...won't it be nice to just get back to the two of you again??

And, boy, do I LOVE that first sentence!

[Scarletprayers]

I'm sticking with the adoption question.

In a perfect world every child would be wanted and loved and brought up in the Lord, but I don't live in that world. In the world I live in children are abused and neglected and thrown away like garbage. Foster care for the most part is a joke, very few actually get into a good stable loving home. Most are moved from one "family" to another before they even settle in long enough to remember the names, they are often abused and mistreated. I would take a single parent, loving home over the obscenity that is foster care has become any day.

[Vickilynn]

I'm sticking with the adoption question.

In a perfect world every child would be wanted and loved and brought up in the Lord, but I don't live in that world. In the world I live in children are abused and neglected and thrown away like garbage. Foster care for the most part is a joke, very few actually get into a good stable loving home. Most are moved from one "family" to another before they even settle in long enough to remember the names, they are often abused and mistreated. I would take a single parent, loving home over the obscenity that is foster care has become any day.

Shalom,

I agree. 100%

[Guest Biblicist]

I'm sticking with the adoption question.

In a perfect world every child would be wanted and loved and brought up in the Lord, but I don't live in that world. In the world I live in children are abused and neglected and thrown away like garbage. Foster care for the most part is a joke, very few actually get into a good stable loving home. Most are moved from one "family" to another before they even settle in long enough to remember the names, they are often abused and mistreated. I would take a single parent, loving home over the obscenity that is foster care has become any day.

So very true SP, most foster parents only do it for the money. It's very sad. There were a couple girls at my church when I was growing up. Sweet girls. They tried to run away from their foster home several times. They never really felt "at home" with the family, I guess. I wonder sometimes if it was just a case of teen angst though.

I think if a single woman believes that God is leading her to adopt a certian child and she has a strong church family and Pastor to support her there is nothing wrong with it. After all, God did say he would be father to the fatherless. . .

[Guest Biblicist]

You are right, of course. Just because I would fill my home with ankle biters doesn't mean everyone wants to do that.

I think at this stage in our lives, I would not adopt a child because I am so looking forward to my children growing up and leaving the nest so we can be alone again. Selfish of me. Maybe. I guess we don't need to worry about it though since we have no money or room to adopt. God is sovereign!

Hey, what's selfish about that?? You're supposed to raise your kids to leave home! Before they came along, it was just you and Mr. Bib...won't it be nice to just get back to the two of you again??

And, boy, do I LOVE that first sentence!

Yeah, it was just the two of us for 5 years before the little bibletts. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if we have to wait till they are 18. . . A very wise woman at my church said just what you did, "We raise our children to leave home."

"Marnie is right" If you would like I could X-stitch that on a pillow for you and when Mike disagrees with you you can just hit him with it.

[Guest LadyC]

thanks for the responses.

i must say that in regards to adoption, i feel that if a woman can provide a loving home for a child who is not likely to be placed otherwise, it's a wonderful thing.

however i stand by my opinion that any single woman who adopts an infant who stands a good chance of being adopted by a two parent home is being selfish. why? because she's intentionally going against God's natural order of things. HER wants should ALWAYS be secondary to God's will.

[Vickilynn]

thanks for the responses.

i must say that in regards to adoption, i feel that if a woman can provide a loving home for a child who is not likely to be placed otherwise, it's a wonderful thing.

however i stand by my opinion that any single woman who adopts an infant who stands a good chance of being adopted by a two parent home is being selfish. why? because she's intentionally going against God's natural order of things. HER wants should ALWAYS be secondary to God's will.

Shalom LadyC,

How can you say that? How can you blame the woman opening up her heart and her home just because the child is an infant? You simply can't accuse someone you don't know of being "selfish", it just isn't possible.

As I said before if an infant is adopted by a single woman, it is the decision of the agency, not the woman herself. So blame them!