Domestic Abuse

[Guest Biblicist]

Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters

WOAH! I didn't read the verse that the Pastor gave the abused woman!! Yes, I'd say this pastor will answer some day for his foolishness. Obviously he was not properlly equipped to counsel this woman, which should be one of his main prioritys.

It always surprises me when things like this happen, don't Pastor's know that they are supposed to know the scriptures and be able to apply them to people's lives?

[None]

Interesting replies.

(welcome to worthy, zaidenmom)

[None]

And if they heard the counsel the pastor gave, it's very possible they would be forever jaded against the church and Christ though that such foolish counsel would have never come through His lips!

I agree, the "bigger picture" would have to include the bitterness felt by the remaining children and how it would impact their adulthood view of "godly" people. Jesus said we are all to serve each other. His audience was both men and women.

Peter was, in those verses, speaking to slaves but then moves on to speaking to wives. This is where pastors may get confused and offer bad advice, like the example given. Especially after they read off the verse "..like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master."

I recently looked through America's history and found it was common practice in earlier days for pastor's to instruct husband's to beat their wives when they get out of hand, based on these verses. I also found that many of the graves in people's yards were filled with the bodies of these beaten wives(often children), though, unsolved medical problems was common then as well. I thank God, the civil rules have changed, here in America. It is now considered abusive for either spouse to take control of a household. Husbands and wives were meant to be a team. A unity, two become one. That's a successful household.

13)Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men:

whether to the king, as the supreme authority,

14)or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.

We are commanded here to obey the laws of the governing authorities and the rules of the governing authorities have changed in women's favor. Thank God, He is just.

[alive4Him]

i am in an abusive marriage, and it is not easy to leave...I feel that i have a right to separate from him, but no right biblically to divorce him, as he hasnt been unfaithful to me. It is easy for people to humanly say well why are you eith him, but i wonder quite often,What would Jesus do?

[Sherman]

i am in an abusive marriage, and it is not easy to leave...I feel that i have a right to separate from him, but no right biblically to divorce him, as he hasnt been unfaithful to me. It is easy for people to humanly say well why are you eith him, but i wonder quite often,What would Jesus do?

I'm very sad that you're in an abusive marriage. And biblically speaking you have the right to divorce him and remarry if you desire to do so and believe that is what the Lord is leading you to do. Marriage is a covenant, a human covenant with both specified and non-specified expectations. I encourage you to read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend, and "Boundaries in Marriage." If you are allowing your husband to abuse you, you are empowering him to sin. It's an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. The place to start is to draw some clear boundaries as to how you expect to be treated. If he does not respect those boundaries, then progressively break the relationship.

If he is physically abusing you, call the cops and have him arrested and put in jail, talk to a lawyer and start separating yourself financially from him too. If your church does not support you in this, change churches quickly!!!! Though he hasn't had an affair, a good book to read is "Surviving An Affair." It too will help you draw some good boundaries for your personal health, the health of your children, and even the health of your husband.

Marriage is a relational covenant with both specified and non-specified expectations. And abuse breaks both specified and non-specified expectations; thus you have the right, possibly even the moral obligation, to separate and divorce your husband if he refuses to repent. But you have got to make a stand and draw some clearly defined boundaries. Healthy marriages are made up of men and women that have healthy personal boundaries and mutual respect for others.

[Rebecca2]

I recently looked through America's history and found it was common practice in earlier days for pastor's to instruct husband's to beat their wives when they get out of hand, based on these verses. I also found that many of the graves in people's yards were filled with the bodies of these beaten wives(often children), though, unsolved medical problems was common then as well. I thank God, the civil rules have changed, here in America. It is now considered abusive for either spouse to take control of a household. Husbands and wives were meant to be a team. A unity, two become one. That's a successful household.

Law enforcement officers STILL think it is okay for a husband to slap around his wife to keep her in line as long as he doesn't leave any bruises above the waist where some 'misguided do-gooder' might see them. Preachers and other 'misguided do-gooders' still believe that adultery is the only acceptable reason to get a divorce and a woman should just stay in a marriage and keep getting beaten senseless until she is dead. The only thing that has changed is that less women are tolerating the abuse. They are choosing to either kill their dear loving husband or leave him. I chose to get a divorce.

[Rebecca2]

i am in an abusive marriage, and it is not easy to leave...I feel that i have a right to separate from him, but no right biblically to divorce him, as he hasnt been unfaithful to me. It is easy for people to humanly say well why are you eith him, but i wonder quite often,What would Jesus do?

Please consider my earlier post (Post #111) when thinking about Scriptural guidance in dealing with an abusive spouse.

I will say one other thing - been there, done that, got the divorce papers, wish I had left sooner.

Edited October 10, 2007 by Rebecca2

[Guest Biblicist]

I recently looked through America's history and found it was common practice in earlier days for pastor's to instruct husband's to beat their wives when they get out of hand, based on these verses. I also found that many of the graves in people's yards were filled with the bodies of these beaten wives(often children), though, unsolved medical problems was common then as well. I thank God, the civil rules have changed, here in America. It is now considered abusive for either spouse to take control of a household. Husbands and wives were meant to be a team. A unity, two become one. That's a successful household.

Law enforcement officers STILL think it is okay for a husband to slap around his wife to keep her in line as long as he doesn't leave any bruises above the waist where some 'misguided do-gooder' might see them. Preachers and other 'misguided do-gooders' still believe that adultery is the only acceptable reason to get a divorce and a woman should just stay in a marriage and keep getting beaten senseless until she is dead. The only thing that has changed is that less women are tolerating the abuse. They are choosing to either kill their dear loving husband or leave him. I chose to get a divorce.

Not where I live, sweety pie. I've known men who were carted off by the Police and had restraining orders slapped on them on the mere word of the "wife", no proof necessary, as if there were any. I know a man who lost his condo to his ex-girlfriend because she claimed he pushed her! PUSHED! Her name wasn't even on the lease...

My nephew was a victim of the system and lost his wife, house and sons because her sister attacked him and he pushed her off. I'm sorry, women use the abuse card all too often, in my opinion.

Mind you, I do believe that there are women out there who are truly abused by mindless maniacs and they have every right to get out of the relationship, but in my experiences, the system has only fueled women's power in a relationship by not expecting some sort of proof of abuse.

It's the same way with children..."I'll call the police if you punish me".

[irishcowboy]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

If someone is physically abusing you should get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

biblically, you see, the person doing the abusing is not living a biblical marriage, and if they refuse to, then the marriage can be broken. we are not to abuse other people, even slaves are not to be abused.

the Bible is specific in how a man is to treat his wife, and a wife treat her husband, as well as how men and women are to treat slaves and other servants....

a woman is to be submissive, and obey her husband, that is until he crosses the line and becomes unbiblical. i have heard of men wanting the women to watch porn so that he could ..... well, that is unbiblical..... have heard of men beating their wife for something stupid such as eggs being a bit over done... unbiblical.... if one will not abide with the other and live a biblical life, even if they are not Christian, then they are free to go their way...... (biblically)

if there is physical abuse ( hitting some one is battery, and in most states a feloney)... if ther is violance, there is also danger for the children.... by staying in such a situation, the abused person can also be looked upon as endangering the welfare of a child.... hmmmmm something to think about.....

in schools.... i do not understand why bullying is continuing on..... IT IS A FELONEY..... to assault someone consumated by battery, and to be able to walk away with a big fat grin on their face, with no consequences, it totally wrong..... in a school situation, the child doing the bullying, needs to suffer the consequences, and if another student finally retaliates because the bully is allowed to go about his business by the administration, then who ever gets in the way, best watch out..... most of the time many people know of the situation before it explodes.....

in a marital situation, i feel the same holds true..... there are other people that know of the abuse before it becomes volitile..... and they need to step in and say something and do something.....

assessories to the fact..... if they say nothing, they are in all actuallity, condoning the activity.....

i say, for the abused spouse, get the kids and get out...... (male or female, it goes both ways..... physical and emotional.....

if the Husband abuses the Wife, he is not being faithful to her..... not in the least.... he is not even faithful to himself........

there is more then one kind of unfaithfulness, other then out right adultry.....

AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH (Christ did not abuse the church, nor does He now, He lifts the Church up, Holds the church dear to Him, close to His heart, He does not talk down to the church, or hit the church, He does not talk bad about the Church, so forth and so on), SO SHALL THE HUSBAND LOVE HIS WIFE, (the church is the BRIDE of CHRIST, the Wife so to speak)......

there are people, that will tell you that divorce is not to be, under no circumstances.... they have not read even what Jesus said.....

a person that abuses their spouse has turned from their first love, have turned against the one they once loved they are actually committing adultry, by not treating their spouse as they should.....

you wold not spend a thousand dollars on a vase, and then shatter it if you loved it.... you would not take your 40000 dollar car and crash it in to a wall if you loved it, nor would you leave it unlocked with your keys in it with a 2000 dollar stereo system in it if you loved it..... you would not throw rocks at it or start pounding it with a baseball bat if you loved it......

what makes a person think a spouse is lower on the chain then a car or a vase?

Christ never ment for us to live in an abusive relationship

mike