Flaming squirrel nicked for blatant forgeries

[buckthesystem]

http://www.theregister.com/2007/10/27/comments/

Flaming squirrel nicked for blatant forgeries

While plods drop trousers, fine barmaid for breast extravaganza

By Robin Lettice

A suicide squirrel, possibly trained by the sciurine arm of Al-Qaeda, dove into and destroyed (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/10/24/kamikaze_squirrel/) a Toyota Camry. The critter bit through a powerline and was set alight, causing it to plummet onto the car. It then slid into the engine compartment and caused an explosion that did for the vehicle. In anticipation of Halloween, the house happened to have a tiny gravestone on the lawn, which the owners are considering dedicating to the tiny terrorist.

Surely an urn would be more appropriate?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson

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I'm telling ya', either these squirrels are being mind controlled or the little buggers are suicidal. I'm sure these stories are more frequent now.

Back home they would wait in the trees on the roadside, and as a car came they'd dive for the wheels. Is forest life that stressful?

Edward Rose

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Once, a pelican exploded outside my place of employment, blacking out the power to our building, and setting fire to some scrubland near a drainage pond.

From what we could tell, the unsuspecting avian had landed on a power line, had himself a big stretch, and touched two cables with his wings. The resulting short flashed his fluids to steam, blew his guts open and sprayed roasted pelican intestines for metres around, while he fell, burning, to end up draped over a low fence among tall grass below the power line.

Interesting morning, that was.

His pelican girlfriend was still over in the pond, alone and sad. Those birds mate for life, I'm told.

Michael Fletcher

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The squirrels on the campus where I went to Uni would pelt students on the walkways with nuts from the safety of the branches. The squirrels on campus are so famous that one of the dorm buildings has a Squirrelfest celebration annually and uses pictures of squirrels on hats and tee-shirts as mascots.

Anonymous Coward

[boblandis]

[Redefine_Me]

Bucks! where do you find all thest things you always have the wackiest wacky news!

[damo1]

damo1

hay buck the system

i have been chasing all these squirrel storys you place on line and they just crack me up brother

i have said this in the ones i applied to

get a stray cat have a fenced of cage in back yard with cumfy bed and then trap one of these little buggers and stir the hell out of the stray cat every 4 hours wack the cage so hard until the cat gets the sent and you your self see that its working as by know the stray cat wil be wanting out as it wil be clawing at the cage swipping it hissing then do as buffy was trained in buffy the slayer and teach the stray cat how to use num chuckers teach the cat how to use even a sword and teach the cat how to use its 4 legs and make it a black fur leather coat with black boots and give the stray cat knuckle busters make a leather vest as wel with pocket to hold guns in and also for two sawn off shot guns

give it a little harley davidson also with a sooped up mustang and bless the stray cat and send it out in your area you live in too hunt down the squirrels i am sure you wil win a buffy the slayer squirrel cat that wil train up an army to fight of these camacazey squirrels

this reminds me of a magpie that did this on the telagraph lines wires wear we lived as the stupid bird did something that puzzled me and got zapped and zapped the hole street out

also we have kangaroos that love to play chicken with cars and big trucks and you should see these guys line the road ready to pounce but what you got to watch is for snakes they drop out of trees from know wear with fangs wide open ready to cling in to your neck or wear ever they land they line them selves up and bang your the victem for the day i am sure these snakes place bets to see who the next victem is going to be i am praying that our prime minster john howard is the next victem followed by peter costelo know that wil be a laugh in our news papers

johnny boy beaten to a pulp by a brown

thanks

from damo

[buckthesystem]

damo1

hay buck the system

i have been chasing all these squirrel storys you place on line and they just crack me up brother

i have said this in the ones i applied to

get a stray cat have a fenced of cage in back yard with cumfy bed and then trap one of these little buggers and stir the hell out of the stray cat every 4 hours wack the cage so hard until the cat gets the sent and you your self see that its working as by know the stray cat wil be wanting out as it wil be clawing at the cage swipping it hissing then do as buffy was trained in buffy the slayer and teach the stray cat how to use num chuckers teach the cat how to use even a sword and teach the cat how to use its 4 legs and make it a black fur leather coat with black boots and give the stray cat knuckle busters make a leather vest as wel with pocket to hold guns in and also for two sawn off shot guns

give it a little harley davidson also with a sooped up mustang and bless the stray cat and send it out in your area you live in too hunt down the squirrels i am sure you wil win a buffy the slayer squirrel cat that wil train up an army to fight of these camacazey squirrels

this reminds me of a magpie that did this on the telagraph lines wires wear we lived as the stupid bird did something that puzzled me and got zapped and zapped the hole street out

also we have kangaroos that love to play chicken with cars and big trucks and you should see these guys line the road ready to pounce but what you got to watch is for snakes they drop out of trees from know wear with fangs wide open ready to cling in to your neck or wear ever they land they line them selves up and bang your the victem for the day i am sure these snakes place bets to see who the next victem is going to be i am praying that our prime minster john howard is the next victem followed by peter costelo know that wil be a laugh in our news papers

johnny boy beaten to a pulp by a brown

thanks

from damo

Hi Damo

I'm a sister not a brother!

That is a neat idea that you had about the stray cat, but as here in NZ we don't have squirrels I think I'll have to pass on that one. There are no native mammals at all in this country and every creature apart from reptiles and birds is an introduced species.

The only major pests we have here are possoms (and vermin to a lesser extent). I know that farmers would say that wild goats and deer species are pests of a sort, but they have their uses. Even possoms have their uses, they are hunted and trapped for their fur, possom fur can be woven into a good fabric and blended with sheeps' wool for socks and things.

When I was a kid we used to hunt and trap possoms to sell their fur. But the government has come up with a horrible "solution" to this, they aerial drop 1080 poison over several acres of bush and waterways at a time. It kills not only the possoms but every living thing (except perhaps humans - which is a wonder because 1080 is in our rivers and creeks and must be in our water supply too) in the area. It kills all the bird life (funnily enough the very birds that government employees will try to tell us will be "saved" by 1080) and I have seen dogs and fully grown deer and goats writhe in agony for weeks before they die. Yet the pseudo-scientists that government employs claim that 1080 is "humane".

So in a way I thing maybe it would be a good idea if we had your snakes and then maybe I could train a crack elite unit of SAS snakes to track down our PM Helen Clark and bite her and then Chris Carter the minister of poisoning (not to kill them but just to have them writhing in agony for a while so that may empathise with what they make these animals go through.

Anyway I'll see if I can find some more squirred stories. That is the essence of humour - you take something that is just a little odd and exaggerate it out of all proportion and use emotive language, hints, inuendo, and phrases like "it has been rumoured, but not confirmed", "I'm not saying it is true, mind, but ...." "Professor Bracegirdle from the institute of expert, knowledgable boffins (or some such ridiculous, exaggerated, official-sounding and authoritive-sounding name and title) is quoted as saying ......."

So, back to trawling the 'net, for weird news stories to post.