Hello everyone! I just joined.

[Guest marilyn123]

My name is Marilyn. I'm a sophomore at Florida U. I joined because I'm having a problem with my father and would like to talk to other Christians about it, but I'm too embarrassed to talk about it with any of my Christian friends. I'd prefer to just talk about it here, online, with other Christians who don't know me personally.

I tried to post a message to 'Prayer Requests' but I couldn't. Does anyone know why?

[Rania]

Hi, Marilyn! Welcome to Worthy.

So what's going on with your father?

Rania

[Bubba4J]

Welcome

[Guest marilyn123]

OK, this is embarrassing, but here goes. Please pray for me. Here's what's going on. I'm going to start at the beginning, so this will probably be long.

It all started not long after I moved in with him. I didn't really want to, but I'm in my 2nd year at Florida (journalism), and he had a house close by and told me he'd let me live there for free as long as I got good grades, so I did it. For the first few days, everything was pretty normal. Sort of like when I was growing up. I was hoping it would be like that, but I wondered because I hadn't lived with him since I was 14, that's when he and my mom divorced, and I never lived with him after that, so I was a little uncomfortable with it. But the for the first week or so, we got along great and had a pretty much normal father-daughter relationship. It was really nice.

But then I started to noticing something that made me start to wonder about him. Almost every night, after I got ready for bed, I would notice it. I kept catching him trying to look up my niteshirt! At first I wasn't sure, but after while it became obvious. Every time I was in a 'compromising position' I would catch him taking a glance! For example, if I raised my arms over my head, or sat in a certain way, like with my legs up, or basically did anything that exposed my underwear, he would look! At first I could hardly believe it, and I didn't want to falsely accuse him, so I tested him. Just to make sure it wasn't my imagination, I would purposely sit or lay in certain ways while we watched TV, and sure enough, any time there was a good 'view' he would look. I don't mean for a long time, it was usually just a glance, and he would immediately turn away every time I looked at him, but it was enough to make me wonder.

At the time, I didn't know what to do. I felt like talking to my Mom about it, but I was afraid of the trouble that would cause. Plus, I had nowhere else to go. So I pretty much just tried not to think of it and concentrated on school. But then my father quit working and was home all day, and things got worse. Before, I only had to worry about my own father oogling me after I got ready for bed. But now, I have to worry about it all day long! For example, I'll be working out downstairs and I'll catch him watching me through the doorway. Or I'll be out sunbathing and I'll catch him looking at me through the window. When I tell him not to look, he'll just laugh at me like it's no big deal and say things like 'oh, but you look so cute working out' or 'what's the big deal? I can't look at my own daughter?'. He will try and play it off like it's normal and it's nothing sexual. Well, it sounded good, and I wanted to believe that, but I couldn't help but notice that I would only catch him looking at me when I was in my bikini. When I was in jeans or something, I never notice him looking. But when I'm sunbathing or working out, which I do in my bikini, I catch him looking.

Then came the final straw, proof to me that his behavior was inappropriate. About 3 times, after I noticed him looking at me, I noticed he was aroused! Talk about feeling uncomfortable! I was so embarrassed seeing this huge bulge in his pants, especially right after I caught him looking at me in my bikini! Of course, I was too embarrassed to confront him about it, I mean, what would I say? But I feel like someone should know about this.

So I guess what I want to know is what I should do. Did anyone else here have this kind of experience with their fathers? Who should I report this to? My mom? Someone at our church? Should I even be living with him? Isn't it incestous for a father to be sexually attracted to his own daughter? All I know is that the situation seems completely weird and WRONG to me. I mean, growing up, it was perfectly normal to walk around in my underwear, even when I was 17, my older brothers never seemed to care, and neither did he. I never had to worry about my own brothers or my own dad looking at me. Now, I'm self-conscious all the time. I mean, my dad has a hot tub, a pool, a workout room, and a tanning bed, so I'm always in my bikini around him, so now I have to look over my shoulder all the time. It's pretty weird. Especially with it being so skimpy, it's brazilian cut and not much better than a thong, something I wouldn't even wear in public, but I figured it would be OK around my own father. Now, it seems he's perverted or something.

What is wrong with my father? And what should I do?

[Hunterpoet]

Praise the Lord...........Welcome to Worhty

[sweetycakes]

Welcome to WorthyBoards

[PamD]

Marilyn,

I am praying for you. Sounds to me like you will need to change some of your habits of dress.

This could turn into a worse situation and I would recommend you talk to your pastor or a counsellor at school.

Don't let it go too long.

(when you have made 10 posts you will be able to access the private messaging system, feel free to pm when you reach that point)

God bless you

[darkest_red]

Marilyn,

I am praying for you. Sounds to me like you will need to change some of your habits of dress.

I totally agree - stop wearing bikinis etc in front of him - if you want to work out, wear lose trousers and a t shirt or something.

There is something seriously wrong with this situation - you NEED to tell someone about it immediately. It is not normal and it is not healthy.

[Guest paddywolf]

Hi Marilyn

This is a very serious issue. The advice for you to change the way you dress is ridiculous. You are entitled as a young woman to dress appropriately for your age. It almost implies that you are partially to blame, which you certainly are not. I am a senior pastor of a church and simply treat an issue like this as if you had come to see me and asked for my advice personally. You need to notify the authorities. I agree that it is awkward to speak to your mother, but it might help if you have a good relationship with her.

You are being violated and you do not deserve this, and your father needs to be confronted on this. If you are not able to speak to him directly then leave him a letter, but he needs to know that you are uncomforatble and that you believe his actions to be improper, which they are.

Speak to the pastor of your local church, and most definitely to your father's pastor if he has one. Your body is for the eyes of your life-partner, and not for the lustful eyes of your father.

[Carol R]

hi marlyn,

i agree with the others that you should change the way you dress, as a christian we are told in the bible about not making someone else commit a sin, (Can someone please remind me where the scripture is) .now your father appears to be lusting and that is sinful. I would suggest you seek counsel on this and pray about the situation.

oh and welcome to worthy its good to have you here.