am i still saved? i've fallen from grace.

[Guest heartsick hazel]

i have a few questions so bear with me. if you wanna skip all this jazz about where i stand with God and how i got there then scroll down to the questions, but i really ask you to read all this and try to shed some light on my situations for me. thanks!

about four years ago i was saved at a christian mission fuge type of camp and it felt great. i had been going to church for a few months and was learning more and more. well, i went on this trip and one night while singing hymns i was crying because i was so into it and then my nose started bleeding. i believe that was a sign from God for me to get saved, so i did and it felt great. i felt so incredibly happy, more than ever in my life. well, time went by, and i tried becoming a really good Christian. i got rid of most all of my secular music and took all my secular posters off my walls and replaced them with Christian posters and started listening to Christian music. i also began singing in the choir (and i have TERRIBLE stage fright). i was also in a play too, which is strange for me, but i guess God gave me strength? anyways, i was a really good Christian, or at least i think so, well i tried to me. anyways, time passed and things changed.

my current boyfriend at the time was falling into temptation and our relationship was struggling. everyone at my church in my youth group acted worse than unsaved people. they drank, smoke, did drugs, cursed, had sex, and EVERYTHING and it really sickened me to be around them. it's like i never noticed them doing this before i became saved, or once i became saved it really started bothering me. i felt crushed and shocked that these people who attended church every week would act like this. i started to question things, and asked myself 'how can i be in a religion where people act like this?' i didn't want to be associated with them or the things they did. well, me and my boyfriend broke up. (we'd been together for over a year). i found out he had cheated on me like three times (keep in mind, he is a "Christian", and the one who was responsible for me becoming one as well. he also said his goal was to be a minister. haha. needless to say he's not Christian anymore now, so go figure.) well, we broke up, but were still friends until i found out that he had had sex with one of my really close friends. that was pretty much my breaking point.

i stopped going to church because i was 1) disgusted in these hypocritial people, and 2) thought 'how could god let all this bad stuff happen?'. i then read an article on science disproving religion and that was it for me. i was out. i said 'no more'.

time went by and i was not christian. actually, i was anti-Christian. i read into different religions and continued my life just fine. i am always thirsty for knowledge, and always interested in religion. i just started re-reading into Christianity again, and this time i'm comparing it with science. i have found a lot of sites on topics like these, and i have come to the conclusion that evolution is not possible. i've never been anything for the big bang theory (never believed in it, because it's too random and i don't believe in coincidences.) and evolution can't be real because i've read several things dissproving it that make sense. now don't think that i'm really gullable and believe everything that i'm told, coz i'm not. i really try to read into things.

i've recently been very confused on where i stand. the idea of a God does seem more logical than evolution and other things. i think i may be on the path to finding out things but i'm not sure. there are still loopholes i find in both Christianity and science and i'm hoping i'll learn more and more and eventually figure something out. i'd like to believe in a loving, caring God in this cruel world of ours but i feel i need more proof. i know how i felt when i was saved, and if i could feel that feeling again, and more in my life than just that one time then that would be a great start. i just want some proof other than the Bible. and i've read some things, and that's cool and all, but i want God to come to me in a dream or speak to me or give me a sign or miracle or something; anything. i know this will probably not happen because belief in God is based on faith, so i feel kind of stuck. i feel like i only need one more piece to my puzzle to complete it, but the piece isn't anywhere to be found. and the longer i wait, the more pieces keep falling out of my puzzle. (lol. if that makes any sense.)

i'm sorry for the long story of my life, so here are my questions. if someone could help me with them then it would be greatly appreciated.

1. i was once a Christian, and now i'm not. now, i've read that you can't lose your salvation, or if you're not now, you never were Christian. now, i can tell you that when i was saved, i felt the intense feeling of happiness. i felt great, but since the feeling faded, so did my belief. now, was i really ever saved? am i still a Christian for eternity because i was once saved? (i am like 99.99% sure that i was saved, i mean, i was really Christian, and i tried my hardest to be Christ-like.)

2. this is kinda light compared to the rest of the questions (and it's more opinion form), but when i was on my mission trip and my nose started bleeding during singing during worship, does anyone think that was God talking to me? (i used to get nosebleeds all the time when i was younger because i have weak blood vessels in my nose, but i got my nose cordarized (sp?) and i hadn't had a nose bleed in many, many years.)

3. have i commited "blasphemy of the holy spirit" by denouncing God? i've talked many a bad things about God in my days when angry, sad, confused, etc, but i don't recall saying anything bad about the Spirit. but i really don't know. i read that if you are Christian then you can't commit it, but that goes along with question 1. i also read that if you were concerned about commiting the sin, then you haven't commited it or else you wouldn't be concerned.

4. do you think it's possible for God to come to you in a dream? or see a sign or hear something? because that's what i wish would happen to me. i've heard many miracle stories from people but nothing of that nature has happened to me.

that's all my questions. please help me out because i am so confused. and thanks for reading all that! i appreciate it! (i meant to post this in the seekers lounge but due to my 12 windows open i goofed up. sorry. )

[Guest LCPGUY]

Oh precious Hazel,

God has spoken to you. Maybe you just don't realize it yet.

He is real! His word is real and living. He loves you so much. If He didn't love you, why would He move my heart to reply to you?

Just wait a little longer Hazel and some of the great sisters here will reply to you. They, being females, can relate to you much better than I can.

But know this: God is REAL. He loves you. And I love you :il:

Come on Ladies, help this precious child!

God bless you Hazel.

Your brother in Christ,

John

[Guest LadyC]

lemme answer the questions first.

1. i was once a Christian, and now i'm not. now, i've read that you can't lose your salvation, or if you're not now, you never were Christian. now, i can tell you that when i was saved, i felt the intense feeling of happiness. i felt great, but since the feeling faded, so did my belief. now, was i really ever saved? am i still a Christian for eternity because i was once saved? (i am like 99.99% sure that i was saved, i mean, i was really Christian, and i tried my hardest to be Christ-like.)

there are two distinct lines of thought on this. many members here believe the once saved always saved theory, and that if you become unsaved, you never were. there are many more who believe that is a totally unbiblical doctrine.

nevertheless, i sincerely HOPE that others here will not turn this into a heated debate. it's irrelevant to the question you ask. how can i say that?

because if you aren't saved, God wouldn't be wooing you back to him. the very fact that God is calling you to Him, and you're hungry for His love, tells me (a person who does believe that one can throw away their salvation) that God has not turned you over to a reprobate mind... He still considers you to be His.

2. this is kinda light compared to the rest of the questions (and it's more opinion form), but when i was on my mission trip and my nose started bleeding during singing during worship, does anyone think that was God talking to me? (i used to get nosebleeds all the time when i was younger because i have weak blood vessels in my nose, but i got my nose cordarized (sp?) and i hadn't had a nose bleed in many, many years.)

in my opinion, this is unlikely. i just can't imagine God giving one a sign that makes them bleed! i DO believe God was talking to you though, and you answered His call. i just don't think the nosebleed was His way of talking.

3. have i commited "blasphemy of the holy spirit" by denouncing God? i've talked many a bad things about God in my days when angry, sad, confused, etc, but i don't recall saying anything bad about the Spirit. but i really don't know. i read that if you are Christian then you can't commit it, but that goes along with question 1. i also read that if you were concerned about commiting the sin, then you haven't commited it or else you wouldn't be concerned.

blasphemy of the Holy Spirit... what is that? i've never been entirely certain what that was. i mean i know the definition, but i just don't really grasp the concept. maybe because it's something i'm not capable of. but if you had committed it, since it's the unforgivable sin, God wouldn't be wooing you back into His fold, and you wouldn't be posting on this board.

4. do you think it's possible for God to come to you in a dream? or see a sign or hear something? because that's what i wish would happen to me. i've heard many miracle stories from people but nothing of that nature has happened to me.

absolutely. He can also speak out loud, as in audibly, in a voice your ears can hear. but i don't think that's what you need to be wishing for. He generally speaks to our hearts, and saves the rest for when He just can't get your attention any other way. i think He's got yours.

now, as for the hypocrisy, i'm so sorry. i know how it feels to be surrounded by hypocrites. we've all experienced it, because it's a prevalent problem in our culture! but now that you're seeking God again, let me suggest that you keep your focus on Him, and not on the failings of others.

[Guest LadyC]

gosh, i just read my own response, and lcpguys, and i wonder how come his sounds so compassionate and mine sounds so... so... clincal!

i'm sorry, i'm really not a cold person, i just sound like one sometimes!

here hazel, hugs to you.... :hug:

[Guest heartsick hazel]

thanks! you helped clear up some of my questions! you don't sound cold, you sound honest and that's what i need to hear! and about God speaking audibly.. have you ever witnessed that yourself? or anyone you know? that would be a huge eye-opener. i know once when i was in the 3rd grade, i was in the library at school and i was the only one around and i KNOW i heard my dad say my name. and i turned around and no one was there. it was very, very strange. i never figured out what it was all about either.

[Guest LadyC]

hazel, you'll probably laugh at the story, but here goes.... only once have i ever heard the audible voice of God. i was about 18, driving down the road at night, nobody else in my truck, no radio, no nothing, and i was ARGUING with God... out loud! i knew what He expected of me, and i just flat out didn't want to do it!

and then i heard it... a deep voice, but a gentle one... and it said "Just do it".

just like out of a nike commercial, only that was long before nike thought up the just do it slogan.

it freaked me out so bad i pulled the truck over, turned on the interior light, and looked around me... in the floorboard, under the seat, nothing was there, and i heard it again.... "Just DO it". it wasn't a fearful freaked out by the way, it was one of astonishment... did i just hear what i thought i heard?

well, ok God!

that was the end of that argument LOL. i honestly have no idea anymore what the task was that i was to do, it's been too many years. but i've never forgot the awe i felt that night, and the overwhelming peace that flooded over me when i finally submitted my will to His.

[RGR]

I think you've been given some great answers by people I know are servants of the most high God. I'm going to agree with everything they have said and say that it would seem God is wooing you back to Him. It seems one of Satan's favorite tricks is to attempt to make people think they've committed the unpardonable sin. He's tried it on me and no telling how many other Christians. I suppose he figures that if he can convince you of that, he can also convince you there's no need to go on with life. Trust me-I've been there. There was a point in my life that if it hadn't've been for my children, I would've committed suicide because I was so close to convinced I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Read the 23rd Psalm-it will do wonders for you. Let me leave you with these verses from Romans:

Ro 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

 

Ro 8:39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

[Guest heartsick hazel]

that's awesome! now, if something like that happened to me i wouldn't doubt God for a second and i'd be his forever. lol. i wish something would happen to me like that. i know, when i see missionaries and preachers on tv talking about God asking them to do things i wonder how do you they know he's asking them to do these things? is it just an idea put into your head? how can you be sure it's God asking? for example, if i had the idea to eat a bowl of soup, how would i decipher between me telling myself to do it or God telling me to do it? or, what if i wanted to sell my house. how would i know if God wanted me to or if it was just me? the people i see on tv, the evangilists, say that God tells them to sell their houses and cars and stuff without having a backup of either.. just being homeless and car-less and waiting for God to help them with it. it confuses me.

[Guest LadyC]

There was a point in my life that if it hadn't've been for my children, I would've committed suicide

how fortunate for your kids! as for me, the thing that always stopped me short of suicide was the fear that i would be unsuccessful and would end up permanently injured at worst, or having my stomach pumped at best. there was a time i felt my kids would be better off without me.

that's awesome! now, if something like that happened to me i wouldn't doubt God for a second and i'd be his forever.

don't kid yourself. that happened when i was 18. by 19 i was running from God as hard and fast as i could, and i kept running for ten years. well, i say ten years... i started taking baby steps forward again after about seven or eight years, but it took a while to give myself back to Jesus.

how do you they know he's asking them to do these things? is it just an idea put into your head? how can you be sure it's God asking?

hazel, i'm sure God has as many ways of "asking" someone to do something as there are circumstances. maybe within a dream, maybe audibly, most of the time it's probably more of an idea put in their heads that just seems like the right thing. but you can ALWAYS be sure whether it's from God or not by praying for His will, not your own, and being willing to submit yourself to His will. when you do that, you can rest assured that one of two things will happen. either you will still feel uncertain about your decision (an indicator that it was not from God), or you'll feel that incredibile since of peace, even if it's something you didn't want to do. that since of peace is biblically described as "the peace that surpasses all understanding". that kind of peace ONLY comes from God.

oh, and i'd seriously pray hard hard hard before following the suggestion of any tv evangelist. you can bet they haven't sold their 7 million dollar estates that their ministry pays for!

[Guest LCPGUY]

that's awesome! now, if something like that happened to me i wouldn't doubt God for a second and i'd be his forever. lol. i wish something would happen to me like that. i know, when i see missionaries and preachers on tv talking about God asking them to do things i wonder how do you they know he's asking them to do these things? is it just an idea put into your head? how can you be sure it's God asking? for example, if i had the idea to eat a bowl of soup, how would i decipher between me telling myself to do it or God telling me to do it? or, what if i wanted to sell my house. how would i know if God wanted me to or if it was just me? the people i see on tv, the evangilists, say that God tells them to sell their houses and cars and stuff without having a backup of either.. just being homeless and car-less and waiting for God to help them with it. it confuses me.

Well Hazel, that's a good question(s).

First off, I don't think God is telling to have a bowl of soup or something else. That is just pretty basic survival stuff. We eat to live. We usually eat what we like or want.

However, on the more important issues any kind, God speaks to you through your spirit, your conscious. In other words, does what you are contemplating doing glorify God? Do you have a peace about? Is it moral or immoral? Is it biblical?

God speaks in many ways as others have said. He gave you discernment to separate the truth from the false, the good from the bad. If you are not listening and discerning correctly He will turn up the volume. He may even get out His "You're not listening Stick." :x:

As far as the televangelists and their talking with God, I would take most of that stuff with a grain of salt. Always ask yourself, does what he/she is saying agree with the scriptures?

Hang in there kiddo! You're already making good progress.

John :hug: