I've changed - he hasn't.

[Guest LadyC]

oh mama, welcome to my world! only i'm finally getting it. took me a long time... mark and i have been married for a little more than nine years now. i changed, he didn't. well, actually he did change... he regressed to where he was BEFORE we got together... i was taking one step forward while he was taking two steps backwards.

like you, i had all the head knowledge about corinthians 7. i also had the head knowledge that if i would just give it all to God and LEAVE it with Him, He would bring my husband around. i had all that head knowledge, and even wrote them into our wedding vows, that i would allow God to grow my husband without my interferance.

but vows or no vows, i kept taking it right out of God's hands. i kept trying to be the one in control. i kept trying to make my husband change. i guess i thought God was too slow... or too busy.... or for whatever reason, God was incapable of doing what i could do on my own.

only guess what? i couldn't do it on my own LOL. big duh on me!

a while back, and i really don't even know how and when it started, but i began relying totally on God... and i quit trying to be in control. i just worked on being what God called me to be, both in my faith and in my marriage. i think it was the really lean times financially during november and december, and God was testing my faith in His ability to provide... that's when i took my focus off trying to mold my husband into a godly man and just started trying to keep our heads above water... and it's when God was able to really begin the work He'd been trying to do in my husband's life.

then right after the first of the year, a friend of mine wanted to do the Bible college thing... i'd already enrolled in a virtual bible college, months earlier, but i'd gotten distracted and quit. but i'm still enrolled, so i told her about it, and she enrolled also, and we decided to go through the coursework together. and so to make a long story short, i started putting God first every morning... before i do anything else, i spend time in prayer, and reading the bible, and studying.... and you're probably thinking "what does this have to do with anything?"

here's how it ties in... when i started putting God first, i saw amazing things start happening in my marriage. i saw God's faithfulness in every circumstance. i would pray for my husband every day, and i would spend more time praising God for what He was already doing, and by golly, God started working even FASTER on my husband! and the funny thing is, it quickly got to the point where i was no longer asking anything of God where i was concerned... because God had already started giving me the desire of my heart... my husband "growing up". i'm not going to say he's all grown yet, he's still not walking close to God, but he's closer than he was, by a long shot.

anyway, so i'd quit asking for personal requests... my prayer time was spent lifting up the needs and concerns of others, and praising God for what He is accomplishing on the home front. our marriage is more fulfilling and satisfying than it has been in a long time... i have a real trust in my husband that i didn't think i'd ever have again. last night though, he was taking forever getting home. hours longer than it should have taken him. when i confronted him over the phone, he got frustrated and said "i was shopping for a present for you, can't i just surprise you once in a while?" and i was thinking here we go again, that's the same kind of line he used to give me when he was lying and hiding things from me. ESPECIALLY when he said he was shopping for me at home depot LOL.

so i prayed... and i said God, i KNOW you're still sustaining him, but his actions are really causing me to worry... and i know that it's not his nature to ever fess up to me after lying, but please, Lord, without me saying another word to him, let him come clean about whatever it is he was doing tonight."

before bed that night, God answered that prayer. my husband told me that he had gone to home depot trying to find a really nice wall-paper-border that he could put up in the living room for me while i'm out of town at the end of the week... and i knew instantly that he was telling the truth, because last week he came home with a really pretty border that he intends to put up in our bedroom.

and then this morning... this is slightly off topic, but i'm too excited not to mention it. like i said, it's been quite some time since i've had any personal requests to ask God for... and i feel like he decided to pour out a blessing on me that says "i am pleased with you, kiddo".... a friend from church called... her mother had given her something that she doesn't want, and she thought of selling it... a really big, flat-screen, hang on the wall type TV. i've always wanted one, and often said that if our tv ever goes out, i'm buying one i can hang on the wall. and i wake up this morning to a phone call from my friend saying she and her husband were bringing me a gift tonight... and she was so excited she just couldn't keep it a surprise, so she told me. they had thought of selling it, because they need the money. but when they were praying about it, God told them not to sell it, but to give it away. He didn't say WHO to give it to, he just said "GIVE". so she said "you and mark have blessed us so many times in the last couple of years, we decided we wanted to give it to you."

and i'm sitting here this morning just thanking God... not only had He given me my hearts desire (a happy home and peaceful marriage), but he threw in a little something extra just for fun.

anyway, i'm sorry i rambled. i just want to really encourage you to put God totally first... don't worry about your husband, just concentrate on being what God has called YOU to be... and when you do, God's going to start working miracles in your husband's attitude and behaviours....

[Bubba4J]

[Elbit Pada]

I have a personal issue I am trying to work through and I need some advice. When I married my husband, I was just like him

[Elbit Pada]

I'll be praying for you too...

Maybe we should have a support thread for Christians with unsaved spouses. Support and help, prayer and advise. I know that is something my mother would have benefitted from in their 40+ years of marriage.

Just remeber, momto3, you are not alone. God bless you for your love for your husband and dependance on HIM.

as i thot bibs, great advice!! a support thread is a great idea ... it is an area of the church that has been 'vacuumed' and left empty.

[Elbit Pada]

It is only natural for you to want your husband to find the joy that you have found. Remember, though, you are not responsible for his choices. You are responsible for yours, though. You have chosen Christ and, I remember correctly, it has been a fairly short time now since you accepted Jesus. Right now you have enthusiasm for your Lord (that I hope never stops!) and want to share that with your husband. I would caution you to not be too "in your face" about Christ, but humbly lead by example. When he swears and it offends you, say a quick prayer ("Lord, please forgive him and help him to stop using these words").

Don't stop loving Jesus, and don't stop loving your husband. Allow God to change him.

<>< ><>

Nathele

More great advice ... you guys are GREAT!!!

[tsth]

Just don't forget, a husband really needs the admiration and respect of his wife. Encourage him, help him to see his strong points, and let him be the man of the home. I know, it is difficult, but just remember to be humble and loving. Be sure to allow him to be "a man", and see that he has a special place within the family. It is SO important.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[Mamato3]

All great advice!

Elbit Pada:

You didn't assume anything, in fact, you are describing how I felt this Sunday EXACTLY.

I am so glad to have found this board, to have you all here, knowing I am not alone means a great deal to me.

Thanks!!!

[Elbit Pada]

All great advice!

Elbit Pada:

You didn't assume anything, in fact, you are describing how I felt this Sunday EXACTLY.

I am so glad to have found this board, to have you all here, knowing I am not alone means a great deal to me.

Thanks!!!

ANY TIME !!

...and i do mean anytime ... i would be honoured to pray for you and your hubby!!

[deafcanada]

All great advice!

Elbit Pada:

You didn't assume anything, in fact, you are describing how I felt this Sunday EXACTLY.

I am so glad to have found this board, to have you all here, knowing I am not alone means a great deal to me.

Thanks!!!

ANY TIME !!

...and i do mean anytime ... i would be honoured to pray for you and your hubby!!

hi mamato

I understand completely how you feel. the same way i am going through, everyday it is hard for me go th rough however i had to learned to lean on God and allow God do his work in my hsuband everyday. it has been awhile, all i do is do is pray and waiting on Lord everyday also i am still learning how to lean more in God not things in the world. sometimes it hurts me alot however i had to praise Him more and trust in God no matter what. It is not my natural to ignore things around at home. it is my motative is to pray more for my husband and my kids and other situations. i couldnt afford to forget the prayer. as I know in my heart my husband will be back to Lord one day i have no doubts as I had believe that God is bring him closer to Him. as I am still working on with my life like allow God work in my life while God work in my hsuband as i cant change him only God can because God has powerful and God so mercy for my husband daily. i have alot to learn from God as He is teaching me alot. I must remember that all things we do is glorified Him and be a good example by not using words we speak however by using actions and our love that comes from God. have alot of patience in God and learn how to wait on Lord and seek Him and Rest in Him ine very way without being worry or anxiety what will happen to my husband or anyone in my family becasue God has plans for everyone. His promises doesnt come void.

love in Him

DC

[Guest]