Question

[Chiquita]

I have been debating with this question for quite some time now. If God is all powerful (which to my knowledge is more powerful than my lil brain can wrap around) then why can't He answer certain prayers.

See, when I was young, my mother was an abusive alcoholic. Her 4 children all have a variety of psychological issues because of it. But I remember we used (her 4 kids) pray and pray for God to make her stop either drinking so heavily, stop drinking period, or just stop the abuse. She never did stop drinking but shes not abusive to anyone anymore. She goes to sleep at 10 30 where before she'd be up wrecking havoc until 4a.m. It's just too late. We are all adults now and it doesn't matter that shes changed now, the damage is done. So my question here is, if He is all powerful, why didn't He do this before when we were all suffering so much b/c of her? When we were kids and living with her? I understand all the free will stuff but the thing is, she still drinks and its her will to do so as she hasn't sought treatment but she's very different now. Why couldn't she have changed when we were kids? I remember she'd come home with a 24 pack and we'd all be hurrying up and making plans to spend the night at friend's houses to avoid the abuse. But sometimes she'd tell us we couldn't go anywhere b/c she had to "talk to us", which we knew meant she had to emotionally and mentally abuse us. "Stupid, losers, bimbos", and other words that are curse words. Then she'd sometimes start with the psychical abuse. It wasn't so much that it hurt physically, it was how she did it like tying us up to poles in the basement while she drank and smoked. She alienated all of her relatives that could've help us like her sisters, brothers, and grandparents. She'd tell them to stay away from her kids. She'd tell us that if we got close to them they would just hurt us like they'd hurt her. Come to discover later on that she was the oldest of her siblings and that she used to do the same to them. On top of it, she was a huge liar. She drank so much she'd twist everything up in her head so that she wouldn't feel guilty and place the blame on everyone else.

She doesn't remember the abuse she did to us or her siblings. See, there comes a time when you black out after drinking so much you can conveniently forget. She claims, "my drinking never hurt anybody!!!". God help me but I want to shake her violently when she says that... I have to remind myself that God commands love and forgiveness and then I change the conversation. Its just useless if she doesn't remember and the damage is DONE. Only one of us got to graduate from H.s., one got pregnant at 16, one became a drug dealer, and the other one almost went nuts herself (me). She denied me of going to college when I was 19. She said no, she wasn't going to let me go to. She said it was too expensive so without her financial aid (W-2 s) I couldn't go. I did nothing with my life except drink and get into things that I had no business in. After all that abuse, I STILL had ambition and she killed that too.

I have a very strong faith NOW but my question is, where was He then??? Why didn't He do something...ANYTHING to stop her??? Was it all her??? Was she really that selfish??? Was God tugging at her heart to stop and she shushed Him off b/c she didn't care that much about us??? Can someone behave that way and never ask God for forgiveness and still get into heaven??? I blame her for everything that went wrong in my life because the decisions I made, I made to get away from her, b/c of her abuse, and because of her neglect. She ruined the beginning of my life.

I know I sound bitter but its because when I think about it, it still hurts.

[exrockstar]

I have a very strong faith NOW but my question is, where was He then??? Why didn't He do something...ANYTHING to stop her??? Was it all her??? Was she really that selfish??? Was God tugging at her heart to stop and she shushed Him off b/c she didn't care that much about us??? Can someone behave that way and never ask God for forgiveness and still get into heaven??? I blame her for everything that went wrong in my life because the decisions I made, I made to get away from her, b/c of her abuse, and because of her neglect. She ruined the beginning of my life.

I know I sound bitter but its because when I think about it, it still hurts.

im sure i can give this a shot but my answer goes into a territory that many stay away from.

it's sad and unfortunate that you went through all these things.

People make choices and with those choices come consequences. When parents make bad choices they

take the family down with them. God will allow that. He sure will.

However, you are here now and you have the chance to spiritually grow.

You cant change the past but change the future so when you have your children then you can make good choices.

may God bless you

[Chiquita]

I have a very strong faith NOW but my question is, where was He then??? Why didn't He do something...ANYTHING to stop her??? Was it all her??? Was she really that selfish??? Was God tugging at her heart to stop and she shushed Him off b/c she didn't care that much about us??? Can someone behave that way and never ask God for forgiveness and still get into heaven??? I blame her for everything that went wrong in my life because the decisions I made, I made to get away from her, b/c of her abuse, and because of her neglect. She ruined the beginning of my life.

I know I sound bitter but its because when I think about it, it still hurts.

im sure i can give this a shot but my answer goes into a territory that many stay away from.

it's sad and unfortunate that you went through all these things.

People make choices and with those choices come consequences. When parents make bad choices they

take the family down with them. God will allow that. He sure will.

However, you are here now and you have the chance to spiritually grow.

You cant change the past but change the future so when you have your children then you can make good choices.

may God bless you

Thats why I stopped drinking myself. I have a one year old now and I am asked God to deliver me and so far so good! She didn't. Thanks a lot for your kind words!

[Ovedya]

I think probably the most profound answer I've ever gotten to this question personally was, "God answers all prayer. But sometimes the answer is "no."

That kind of put some perspective on the meaning of prayer for me; that prayer is not about me and what I want or what I wish for. It's about being one with God in His purpose and intent. Genuine prayer is prayer in God, through God and by God, not merely by ourselves. Genuine prayer contains the element of God, not the element of man.

[exrockstar]

Thats why I stopped drinking myself. I have a one year old now and I am asked God to deliver me and so far so good! She didn't. Thanks a lot for your kind words!

[Treasure]

I so understand your pain and confusion Chiquita. My parents didn't drink but they did abuse me. My mom didn't actually physically harm me but she knew that it was going on and continued to put me in the environment to be abused. My dad and my uncle both physically and sexually abused me throughout my childhood. I spent so much time wondering why God didn't remove me from those circumstances before I realized that while I may never know the reason, I have what I need to live my life differently than they intended.

They didn't allow me to go to college and by the time I got out on my own, I was still so emotionally scared that I didn't have the confidence to go. It's ok though. I will go someday and I'll do it for myself. I learned that I'm not the person they always told me I am. I am defined by God and God alone!

Sometimes their words still hurt me but that's when I take a step back and remember that God has used my experiences to minister to others and that He does, in fact, work all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

I have chosen to forgive them and that's where the freedom is. You'll never be free and live in peace until you let it go. To this day my dad can't look me in the eye but I know for certain that it's not because of anything I've done. I don't try to make them uncomfortable. He can't face me and that's his choice. I just chose to not live that way. I'm not angry at them anymore and I'm not afraid of them and more important, I'm not afraid of what I might turn out to be because of the things that I went though. I'm a grown woman who has made more than my share of mistakes but that's ok. I love the God who loves me for who and what I am. That's what matters most.

If you need to talk about it, please feel free to pm me. I do understand and God may use me to minister to you.

[Guest man]

You'll never be free and live in peace until you let it go.

[Guest LadyC]

my response may not sit very well... but here goes.

God is all knowing, and all powerful. but that means He can see FAR beyond our realm of understanding. and God always answers prayer (always!) according to that perspective... even when we can't comprehend why He answers as He does. and sometimes that answer is no... or sometimes it is "not now".

and sometimes "not now" means "not this week", or "month" or "year" or even decade or longer.

but His timing is always, always perfect.

so why on earth would He not grant you the desire of your heart, which would have been for your mom to clean up and be a good mom, when she was still mothering you? after all, wouldn't her sobriety be within His will?

i once asked my pastor the same kind of question regarding my husband. i can't recall the exact response he gave me, but here's the gist of it....

someday, God is going to use YOU, and what you have gone through, to reach sooooooo many others who are in similar circumstances and help lead them to Christ.

[Sheryl&Jesus]

Hi Chiquita,

I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I can't imagine the pain that must have caused. I'm not sure I can offer any advise, but I do want to share my thoughts with you. I agree with the other comments that have been made that forgiveness will set you free. But forgiveness is hard. So hard, when you've experienced a lot of pain. Have you had any counseling? It may take years of counseling before you are whole. I didn't experience near the amount of abuse you expereinced, but it was when my kids came along that I started to deal with my own childhood. I think having kids sometimes forces us to deal with our own issues because we're so afraid what happened to us will happen to them. We just have to trust God oftentimes. Because we can't be there for them all the time. I know, it's hard to trust God after the abuse He allowed us to suffer. But what else can we do? We do what we can and leave the rest to Him. Reminding ourselves that He loves them more than we do. When you were going through your abuse God was there. He saw it. Everything that happens to us gets sifted through His loving hands. It wasn't God's fault you suffered. It was your mom's fault. You can't discount the free will aspect of what happened. God gives us the freedom to do what we want (to an extent). He could have stopped your mom. But He didn't. And there's some questions that you may not get the answer to here on earth. We don't get all of our "why" questions answered. God can use you though to help others. You will be stronger because of what you went through (once you get through the healing process). It is a process. It's not going to happen over night. It took years for you to develop these emotional problems, and it will probably take years for you to heal (unless God performs a miracle). I'm praying that your healing will come soom. Hang in there chiquita. Oh, one other thing. About financial aid. I assume you're an American. In America, if you have children it's easier to get financial aid. I just graduated with an associates degree (in Human Services), and it was completely paid for with Federal grant money. I would not have gotten as much grant money as I did if I didn't have children. My chidren are grown now, but because they were both in college I was able to claim them as dependants. You can still achieve your dream! Go for it! Go to a nearby college and ask them what you need to do. I wish you well.

Sheryl

Edited May 21, 2008 by Sheryl&Jesus

[mead]

I so understand your pain and confusion Chiquita. My parents didn't drink but they did abuse me. My mom didn't actually physically harm me but she knew that it was going on and continued to put me in the environment to be abused. My dad and my uncle both physically and sexually abused me throughout my childhood. I spent so much time wondering why God didn't remove me from those circumstances before I realized that while I may never know the reason, I have what I need to live my life differently than they intended.

They didn't allow me to go to college and by the time I got out on my own, I was still so emotionally scared that I didn't have the confidence to go. It's ok though. I will go someday and I'll do it for myself. I learned that I'm not the person they always told me I am. I am defined by God and God alone!

Sometimes their words still hurt me but that's when I take a step back and remember that God has used my experiences to minister to others and that He does, in fact, work all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

I have chosen to forgive them and that's where the freedom is. You'll never be free and live in peace until you let it go. To this day my dad can't look me in the eye but I know for certain that it's not because of anything I've done. I don't try to make them uncomfortable. He can't face me and that's his choice. I just chose to not live that way. I'm not angry at them anymore and I'm not afraid of them and more important, I'm not afraid of what I might turn out to be because of the things that I went though. I'm a grown woman who has made more than my share of mistakes but that's ok. I love the God who loves me for who and what I am. That's what matters most.

If you need to talk about it, please feel free to pm me. I do understand and God may use me to minister to you.

Well said sister,