Question

[kitty1]

I truly understand your pain. I have asked that question many times. My childhood was also a nightmare.

When I think about it or here stories that are similar to what I lived through, I want to scream with rage. Daily I take it back from God and let the rage and pain fill me, especially when I have to deal with one of my parents. The only way I get some peace back, is to give it to God again and again and again.

He is our comforter and he WILL comfort you if you let him.

Jesus said " Suffer little children to come on to me"

Little comfort I know.

But remember every time you were hurt, an Angel was reporting to the Lord. (Matt 18:10)

You were never alone, you did not suffer alone or in vain.

Every tear you shed confirmed the need for a savior.

One day the Lord will wipe away all the pain forever.

I have an opinion as to why I believe the Lord has allowed these evils to happen, especially to children but I will need time to get it sorted out to the point I can type it out, so when I do I will PM you to share my thoughts on why.

Until then you are in my prayers and heart

[Chiquita]

I so understand your pain and confusion Chiquita. My parents didn't drink but they did abuse me. My mom didn't actually physically harm me but she knew that it was going on and continued to put me in the environment to be abused. My dad and my uncle both physically and sexually abused me throughout my childhood. I spent so much time wondering why God didn't remove me from those circumstances before I realized that while I may never know the reason, I have what I need to live my life differently than they intended.

They didn't allow me to go to college and by the time I got out on my own, I was still so emotionally scared that I didn't have the confidence to go. It's ok though. I will go someday and I'll do it for myself. I learned that I'm not the person they always told me I am. I am defined by God and God alone!

Sometimes their words still hurt me but that's when I take a step back and remember that God has used my experiences to minister to others and that He does, in fact, work all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

I have chosen to forgive them and that's where the freedom is. You'll never be free and live in peace until you let it go. To this day my dad can't look me in the eye but I know for certain that it's not because of anything I've done. I don't try to make them uncomfortable. He can't face me and that's his choice. I just chose to not live that way. I'm not angry at them anymore and I'm not afraid of them and more important, I'm not afraid of what I might turn out to be because of the things that I went though. I'm a grown woman who has made more than my share of mistakes but that's ok. I love the God who loves me for who and what I am. That's what matters most.

If you need to talk about it, please feel free to pm me. I do understand and God may use me to minister to you.

Thank you for sharing. I guess i just find myself reliving the same wound b/c of what she recently said, "my drinking never hurt anybody!" and everything resurfaced!!!

[Chiquita]

my response may not sit very well... but here goes.

God is all knowing, and all powerful. but that means He can see FAR beyond our realm of understanding. and God always answers prayer (always!) according to that perspective... even when we can't comprehend why He answers as He does. and sometimes that answer is no... or sometimes it is "not now".

and sometimes "not now" means "not this week", or "month" or "year" or even decade or longer.

but His timing is always, always perfect.

so why on earth would He not grant you the desire of your heart, which would have been for your mom to clean up and be a good mom, when she was still mothering you? after all, wouldn't her sobriety be within His will?

i once asked my pastor the same kind of question regarding my husband. i can't recall the exact response he gave me, but here's the gist of it....

someday, God is going to use YOU, and what you have gone through, to reach sooooooo many others who are in similar circumstances and help lead them to Christ.

Actually, you make a lot of sense. I recently went back to school and am studying to become a pastoral counselor so that I can help others that might be experiencing the same. I have to fully heal myself first. Almost there, like I said on an earlier response, all of this was just resurfaced b/c of what she recently said, "my drinking never hurt anybody!"

[Chiquita]

Hi Chiquita,

I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I can't imagine the pain that must have caused. I'm not sure I can offer any advise, but I do want to share my thoughts with you. I agree with the other comments that have been made that forgiveness will set you free. But forgiveness is hard. So hard, when you've experienced a lot of pain. Have you had any counseling? It may take years of counseling before you are whole. I didn't experience near the amount of abuse you expereinced, but it was when my kids came along that I started to deal with my own childhood. I think having kids sometimes forces us to deal with our own issues because we're so afraid what happened to us will happen to them. We just have to trust God oftentimes. Because we can't be there for them all the time. I know, it's hard to trust God after the abuse He allowed us to suffer. But what else can we do? We do what we can and leave the rest to Him. Reminding ourselves that He loves them more than we do. When you were going through your abuse God was there. He saw it. Everything that happens to us gets sifted through His loving hands. It wasn't God's fault you suffered. It was your mom's fault. You can't discount the free will aspect of what happened. God gives us the freedom to do what we want (to an extent). He could have stopped your mom. But He didn't. And there's some questions that you may not get the answer to here on earth. We don't get all of our "why" questions answered. God can use you though to help others. You will be stronger because of what you went through (once you get through the healing process). It is a process. It's not going to happen over night. It took years for you to develop these emotional problems, and it will probably take years for you to heal (unless God performs a miracle). I'm praying that your healing will come soom. Hang in there chiquita. Oh, one other thing. About financial aid. I assume you're an American. In America, if you have children it's easier to get financial aid. I just graduated with an associates degree (in Human Services), and it was completely paid for with Federal grant money. I would not have gotten as much grant money as I did if I didn't have children. My chidren are grown now, but because they were both in college I was able to claim them as dependants. You can still achieve your dream! Go for it! Go to a nearby college and ask them what you need to do. I wish you well.

Sheryl

I did go to counseling years ago and it did help a lot. With the recent death of my grandmother and my mom bad-mouthing her after her death, all the pain resurfaced. She said her mother used get drunk and wreck havoc upon them but in the 32 years I've been alive, I've only witness her drinking twice and it was only a couple of beers. She quit drinking and went too AA b/c my mother asked her to go yet she is still drinking. The she says she never hurt anybody when she drank,... I'm frustrated right now and I guess I'm beginning to see that I am not as "healed" as I think I am.

Oh yea, and I am back in school

[Chiquita]

Genuine prayer is prayer in God, through God and by God, not merely by ourselves. Genuine prayer contains the element of God, not the element of man.

Amen

I completely understand you both, but thats not what I was asking. I was asking if God could do anything and were constantly told not to limit God, why didn't He deliver us from her abuse when I prayed on it.

[Guest LadyC]

chiquita, i'm glad what i said made some sense and didn't sound like i was trivializing what you went through.

i wanted to make one more comment though. you said that you need to just keep asking God to help you to forgive. might i suggest an alternate way of approaching it with God? i recall one time being so hurt by a friend (long story on that one, but the short version is that she took off and left me stranded in a very dangerous situation) and i couldn't even muster up a desire to forgive her. but i knew i HAD to. so i was just straight with God and told Him *i* was too angry to forgive, but asked Him to forgive her THROUGH me. i think i prayed that same prayer every night for about six months before one day, i woke up and God had totally delivered me from my anger.

i think sometimes when we know that it is beyond our human capacity to forgive someone, God will honour us being a willing vessel for HIS forgiveness...

[Ovedya]

Genuine prayer is prayer in God, through God and by God, not merely by ourselves. Genuine prayer contains the element of God, not the element of man.

Amen

I completely understand you both, but thats not what I was asking. I was asking if God could do anything and were constantly told not to limit God, why didn't He deliver us from her abuse when I prayed on it.

Well I think I did answer it as clearly as I could. It's a matter of what God's will and intent is, not what we desire. If, for some reason unknown to us, God allows certain situations to continue, then we must learn to accept them and learn to become obedient to His will and desire - no matter how hard that may be.

[Guest]

My Love

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

My Joy

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

My LORD

Genuine prayer is prayer in God, through God and by God, not merely by ourselves. Genuine prayer contains the element of God, not the element of man.

Amen

I completely understand you both, but thats not what I was asking. I was asking if God could do anything and were constantly told not to limit God, why didn't He deliver us from her abuse when I prayed on it.

Well I think I did answer it as clearly as I could. It's a matter of what God's will and intent is, not what we desire. If, for some reason unknown to us, God allows certain situations to continue, then we must learn to accept them and learn to become obedient to His will and desire - no matter how hard that may be.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

My Beloved Sister I Too Was Hung Up In The Basement When I Was A Small Boy And Whipped And Other Stuff I Will Not Burden My Beloved Worthy Family With.

This Corporeal Treatment Was To Continue More Or Less Until I Went Into The USN At 17.

(And Jesus Never Left Me)

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. Isaiah 43:2

The Rage My Body And Soul Was To Endure Had To Do With My Birth Mother And Betrayal During WW II And Stuff I Knew Nothing About Until Much Much Later.

So I Was A Confused Little Boy But I Was Told "You Asked For It" And I Loved My Parents And There You Go!

(And Jesus Never Left Me)

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. Psalms 27:9-10

The Only Thing I Had As A Child For Hugs And Kisses Was My Lord And His Holy Word

Much Later In Life God Granted Me A Loving Relationship With My Dear Father And We Were Able To Talk Daily And Fellowship Over Our Lord Jesus Until A Few Weeks Before He Went Home.

I'll See My Dad Shortly Along With Abraham And Gideon And Boaz And Paul And All The Glory Gang And We'll Sing Together To Our KING! Oh Hallelujah! I Can Hardy Wait.

(And Jesus Never Left Me)

For the LORD will not forsake his people for his great name's sake: because it hath pleased the LORD to make you his people. 1 Samuel 12:22

Whatever God Had In Mind With My Youth, I Have Never Thought To Question Him (Even Now!).

I Know God Loves Me With A Love Unfeigned And I Figure Maybe My God Gave Me Just The Dad I Needed To Draw Me Close To Jesus And To Stick Me Fast To Him.

(And Jesus Never Left Me)

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

When I Found Out Most Folk Were Not Raised That Way (Yeah, I Am A Little Slow Sometimes), I Was Just A Little Ticked For A Few Years.

But Almost Daily Prayers Asking For A Heart After God's Heart And The Love Of A Godly (And Cute!) Patient Young Woman Helped To Soften My Heart.

And The Birth Of A Son Gave Me Both Joy And Almost Instant Sympathy For All Parents.

(And Jesus Never Left Me)

Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. Psalms 71:18

Oh How I Love Jesus

Because He First Loved Me

Be Blessed Beloved Daughter Of The KING

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them. Numbers 6:24-27

Love, Your Brother Joe

Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O LORD God of hosts. Jeremiah 15:16

[EricH]

I have been debating with this question for quite some time now. If God is all powerful (which to my knowledge is more powerful than my lil brain can wrap around) then why can't He answer certain prayers.

It is not that God cannot answer certain prayers. His answer just may not be the one that we prefer or expect. There have been painful things in my life that I asked God to remove, which He did not. Even though it hurts, I trust in Romans 8:28:

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 HCSB

Even when life does not make sense to me, I can trust in God's goodness

[Treasure]

chiquita Thank you for sharing. I guess i just find myself reliving the same wound b/c of what she recently said, "my drinking never hurt anybody!" and everything resurfaced!!!

I understand those painful memories and the anger etc. resurfacing but you will get to the point that you realize that people are gonna say what they want to say, regardless of how it might make you feel. Ask God to guard your heart. Let go of the words and just determine from today that you're going to be a better person than that by the grace of God. Words that my parents said to me when I was a child still ring in my heart at times but they don't determine my life.

Counseling can be a good thing and if you need it again, don't hesitate to go. Please don't go to one that isn't Christian though. God can and does work through counselors but ultimately, only He can heal you and deliver you through this. Hold onto Him!!