the broken rose

[Guest leahangel777]

I wanted to leave this for the chrisitans that are going through abuse

either verbal , physical or mental , in 1998 i was a victim of domestic violence and for 16 years before that time i was led to believe i could change my husband

i figured i was a good Chrisitian faithfull wife and mother of three girls , i loved GOD served him faithfully and couldnt understand why this was happening to me

i began to think God was angry with me . My husband that was concidered a christian was doing drugs and alchol and being verbally abusive to me

the verbal quickly turned to physical and mental . i was blamed for the marriage, blamed for not having food on the table when he got home, blamed for the house being dirty

it was all my fault and i was the problem , or so i thought . It was a cold night in 1989 i just got back from visiting a girl friend that was in the hospital dying of kidney failure, she asked me to come sing to her for she knew her time was near and loved the song "the anchor holds" when i got back from the hospital my husband was angry cause i was a little late and "yelled that is all you do is go to church and you care about GOD more than me " he slapped my face with a open hand and i tried to get away from him

running up the stairs i had just heard the baby crying in her bed ,and went to check on her , and get away from him hitting me. i picked her up to confort her and he was right behind me yelling "you need to ge tmy supper on " and pulling my hair i had my child in my arms , i tired to block his fist from my face , and he cought me again in the jaw

then i felt myself fall backwards in slow motion down the steps , last thing i heard was the baby screaming . i blacked out and when i woke up i was in icu.

i laied in the bed for 2 weeks with broken bones and a hemotoma to my skull .

By the grace of GOd my baby did not get but i few bumps !

i came home after 2 weeks of the abuse he was begging me to come back and i went back

everything was ok for a few months and then it happened again

i was coming back from work , and my daughter was in the chair with duct tape strapped to her hands and he was forcing her to eat peas

as she was crying from choking !

i talked him out of what he was doing to her

and in the middle of the night i woke her up

i packed a bag of our clothes and fled in the middle of the night to the shleter for the 7th time !

this time was the last and i finally stayed there .

3 months passed and he was furious cause i wouldnt come home he started stalking me so they decided to escort me across the state line to NY upstate to a underground shelter

untill they could place charges on him for the stalking

my life has been in the fire , i have walked through the flood

as everything i had was taken from me but my youngest daughter

i felt like job

i stood there just God and me and in time he renewed my life

and restored me

it took over 8 years and still to this day there is pain but

each day brings renewal

i have watched some of the ladies come in the chat with the same situations either verball or even mental

i want to tell you something

abuse is abuse weather verbal or mental

it will not go away and it may cost your life

God never ment for you to be in a abusive situation in a marriage

and if they cannot seek help from a pastor or a doctor

it will only get worse .

i am a living testimony of being blessed with a chance some women will never have

it is not your falut it is the abusers

you need to get to a place of safety

remember to make a plan incase things get worse

pack important documents

and have a battle plan

remember God loves you and i will be praying for you

leah

[Anne]

here's a hug for you leah, God Bless.

[ladypeartree]

more hugs from another once victim of an almost identical state...I have to tell you from a 25 years on view point God is GREAT ...you will always carry some residual pain with you ...every little rejection hurts more than it should and you always wonder if you could have done more BUT life without the fear and with Gods help is worth living again and wonderful to be able to praise without fear

[Guest zoe-girl]

Hugs for you and I understand where you are coming from~

[K-Lew]

God Bless you leah!

You have a powerful testimony.

God is with you.

Much love to you.

Remain in His love and protection.

-Kevin

[Honeybee88]

I'm so glad to see the way God has brought you through!

[Search4Christians]

God bless

[redwing]

welcome to the worthy family.

[Carol R]

So glad to hear you have come through such an awful time.

Praise God.

You are a living testimony to what God can and will do when you let Him get involved.

[Guest cindyjl]

Okay. . . .so I've been married almost 12 years and have endured abuse pretty much most of those. It only got physical twice, but I have endured severe physical, emotional abuse. There is no rhyme or reason, it's like living in a mine field and I would pray that I wouldn't step on a mine. After my step-mother witnessed the abuse back in March, she called the police. He assaulted both police officers and was arrested. He has been fired or quit from numerous jobs because of his rage and substance abuse. I am now going through a divorce because he is not changing. We have 2 special needs children that require my full time care. He stopped supporting us financially last month and when I asked him how he expected me to keep a roof over their heads, his reply was "If you can't keep a roof over their head, they can come live w/me, I have a roof." I struggled w the decision to get a div because I know it's best for children to live w/both parents, but I'm not going to teach them that abuse is okay, furthermore, I've had enough.

This is what has made the whole thing worse. When my husband was arrested, 3 leaders at my church provided and paid for an attorney for his defense. He was provided an attorney overnight by one of the elders at my church. Talking w/one of them is like going on trial because he questions everything I say. Everyone at church asks me what I did to contribute to the situation. And when I finally got the nerve to ask for financial assistance (I've always worked and made my own way b4 having children, paid my bills on time) they are not going to help. It's been 2 1/2 wks since I asked and Thursday, a friend from church called (I haven't been back since) to say that they actually hadn't said no, the elders just want more info. No elder has contacted me to let me know that. I don't understand how a man who is known for his anger and substance abuse gets support and understanding from the church, but the abused wife w/2 special needs children has to be put on "trial" in order to help her with the mortgage and utilities. I love this church. I have attended there for 15 years and there are many good people in it who have helped me in the past. But now I am so disillusioned. . . I can't go back without feeling like being victimized all over again. I'm not being petulant. And when people call me, I don't have the energy to explain to them the nature of an abusive person. They can't hear me. Please HELP!