Does the Spouse Come First? No Matter What?

[Metadyjital]

I've heard it said that ones spouse is suppose to come first above all things... What about in front of and before children? What is someone has a child and remarries - should the new spouse now have precedence over the child? Should a man or woman cling to thier spouse and regard the feelings of their spouse above thier child?

Please give me your thoughts, and what you think that

[Xan]

I've heard it said that ones spouse is suppose to come first above all things... What about in front of and before children? What is someone has a child and remarries - should the new spouse now have precedence over the child? Should a man or woman cling to thier spouse and regard the feelings of their spouse above thier child?

Please give me your thoughts, and what you think that

Good questions. I have been thinking about that since I will be entering into such a situation next year. Honestly, I think if both spouses are committed to the marraige and the children, then it's not an issue. My fiance' has told me that he wants me to be the primary discipline over the kids since they are mine from a previous marraige but that he would back me and help to carry out the rules regarding the children. However, I want him to lead the prayers and Bible studies, and he's willing to do that. Alot of things are being discussed now before we get married.

[Metadyjital]

Blended famililies are hard stuff. I have a couple in my church who the spouse after about a decade of marriage has a little attitude about the step child that visits every other weekend. She constantly tells her husband that she must be first and so on... Its tough stuff - the man loves her dearly but he loves his child as well, and wants to care for both of them, not make a decision between the two

[Trusting Jesus]

Christ needs to be first.

"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him. " Ephesians 5:15 - 6:9

In the above Scripture there is an order to family life. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and he is not to provke the children. Wives are to submit to this godly man and the children are to respect their parents.

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Nathele

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

Dear Metadyjital,

God is first, above all.

Ephesians 5:15 - 6:9

Is good council.

Many consider pre-marital Christian counceling from church.

Also, how does the child feel about the person when one is wanting to marry and already has a child matter also.

Children have wonderful insight to people, too. Also opens communication between family.

No one should allow cruelity to children from anyone.

Our little ones are entrusted to us from Christ.

Our Saviour's words: "See that you despise not one of these little ones; for I say to you that their angels in Heaven always see the face of My Father Who is in Heaven" (Matthew 18:10)

Blessings,

elkie

[pokemaughan]

As far as I know, is goes God/Jesus > Spouse > Kids > Family.

But really, it's all up to you. As long as God is first, and spouse is second, it can be in any order. Although you of course may have to sacrifice spouse being second for kids for awhile, so they get raised correctly.

[WayneB]

Of course Jesus Christ comes first!

... but I perceive the question is about the position of a spouse as compared to the children in a home.

Let me share how "we" look at it. I say "we" because the Word of God told me that my wife and I will become one flesh. In other words, although we are two different people, we are to have the mind of Christ and unite together. So in a sense, we have become one person. Yes, she has her own opinions and we still struggle to find compromise at times (like what color to paint the bedroom)...but we are united in all our decisions, which are a little of her and a little of me. It takes a lot of effort to make it work sometimes...the way God intended...but we have found that when we put HIM first, most everything else falls easily into place.

Children (we have two adult sons) are the fruit of our marriage. They don't come first or second or last. Rather they are our responsibility to nurture, guide, discipline, love, educate, protect, and so on. It is lifetime work and it takes BOTH of us united to do the work.

So it isn't about who comes first or last. First God, then family...

How about that for a "Obama" response?

[Smalcald]

I agree wayne.

Can love be ordered? Do we love one child above another or one person in our family more than another?

I would say any man or women for that matter that demands some sort of precedence in love would be a problem for even thinking that way. As a husband and father I would never even think about whether my wife loves me or my children more or who has precedence, I think the thought itself is in a way not Christian. Love means giving yourself, not dominating or competing for affection.

[WayneB]

I agree wayne.

Can love be ordered? Do we love one child above another or one person in our family more than another?

I would say any man or women for that matter that demands some sort of precedence in love would be a problem for even thinking that way. As a husband and father I would never even think about whether my wife loves me or my children more or who has precedence, I think the thought itself is in a way not Christian. Love means giving yourself, not dominating or competing for affection.

Exactly! Well spoken...very well spoken.

[Xan]

Blended famililies are hard stuff. I have a couple in my church who the spouse after about a decade of marriage has a little attitude about the step child that visits every other weekend. She constantly tells her husband that she must be first and so on... Its tough stuff - the man loves her dearly but he loves his child as well, and wants to care for both of them, not make a decision between the two

That's a rotten attitude. She sees her husband every day, and he only sees his children twice a month. I get sick of the lack of gratitude from these wives. If they didn't want to deal with step children, then they shouldn't have married a man with children. Since the lady in your church did marry a man with children, then she needs to look at the fact he takes care of his responsibilities and loves his children as a blessing, and she should stop punishing the children.