The divorce and remarriage question

[Smalcald]

Let me put this out there for food for thought.

I got divorced. I do not regret getting divorced. I regret getting married.

It was not a mistake getting divorced. It was my mistake getting married. Divorce was the only way to correct a mistake I made. (other than murder, which would have been more exceptable to some)

I did not answer your poll because the word OK tends to add a meaning or conotation that I do not like.

Making a mistake, regardless of what the mistake is, does not condemn anyone to any particular walk in life or situation.

We seem much more willling to an ex drug adict, recovering alcoholic, murderer, sex offender become a pastor of a church than an ex-married person. That's just wrong.

A person who has gone through a divorce doesn't need his fellow brothers and sisters to start dictating moral absolutes instead of grace.

Getting married killed most of my minstry work and put an end to the minister I was. Getting divorced branded me as being of no use to men and their churches. Fortunately, JESUS has never removed my anointing to preach the gospel or my calling to teach and exhort HIS people. HE always gives me work to do.

Amen kross

I've been reading this thread, but had not posted, but your post hit the nail on the head!

I've known pastor who have been divorced and the chuches make a scandal of it. God can and still does use these men of the cloth.

Only God can judge these hearts, and in all our sinfullness HE still calls us and uses us, and annoints.

You keep doing what God has called you to do!

If I would have murdered my wife, that would have been forgiveable.

Yeah we have to understand a better way to address this issue. For example I don't know your marital relationship or situation, and that is the point, nobody does but you, your wife and God. So from that regard only you three know exactly what happened in your marriage. Obviously as a Christian I assume you did not commit adultery and run of with some women, other than that; we cannot judge you in any way.

[Romans 14]

There have been many interesting posts on this difficult topic. Many choose to hold fast to only a scripture or two, while others go by the grace of God covering any mistakes. I'd like to offer some other things that the Word states.

John 8:1-11 talks about the woman who was caught in adultery. Was she condemned, or corrected by Jesus? Like some other posters have stated, everyone's individual situation is different, but the sin of adultery is always forgivable with repentance. The modern day "Pharisee" tries to hold the sin of adultery over a person as if the offender is committing continuous or multiple sins, when it's a only a one time sin. Of course there are conquenses to the sin of adultery (look at King David's life), but I'd think most people would agree that he's in Heaven. A warning goes to any of us who try to determine another's righteousness in Matthew 7:1-5.

DO NOT judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you. Why do you [a]stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother's eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam [c]of timber that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me get the tiny particle out of your eye, when there is the beam [d]of timber in your own eye? You hypocrite, first get the beam of timber out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the tiny particle out of your brother's eye. (Amplified version of the Bible)

[Smalcald]

I think you are correct about judgment and about adultery.

But with forgiveness comes repentance. The hard part about the marriage-adultery issue is how does one show repentance in these cases? Obviously the direct answer is that if you commit adultery you ask for forgiveness from God and that means you repent and STOP committing adultery and you are obviosly forgiven. But what about the Christian husband or wife who is cheating on their spouse who refuses to give up their lover? If they simply keep on cheating and leave their husband or wife and marry their lover does this show sorrow and repentance over their sin of adultery?

Can a person plan to sin counting on God's grace to forgive them in advance?

[Romans 14]

but the sin of adultery is always forgivable with repentance

You've must have over read this part of my reply. Yes indeed you're right, repentance involves both asking for forgiveness, and then doing whatever's right (in your example, leaving the adulterous relationship). Planning a sin to me is mocking God, and one will reap what they sow.

[deut31:12]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

[Romans 14]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

You're only talking about situations in which a couple is currently married and saved. Where you quoted Mark 10 involved the Pharisees, who considered themselves righteous and saved. There are so many situations that involve people, that you cannot use that as a blanket statement to everyone. What if someone that's not saved, then married, but later becomes saved, but his/her spouse isn't? What about someone who was married and divorced while unsaved, but becomes saved? Do they marry again. What you stated from the scriptures is true, but only applies to those who may have intentions of divorcing their spouses for ungodly reasons. May I ask, what is your individual situation?

I re-read your post, and understand that you applied your answer to the poll only. I apologize, but I don't want anyone else to be led to automatically applying your answer to their individual situation. Sry about that.

Edited February 22, 2009 by Romans 14

[deut31:12]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

You're only talking about situations in which a couple is currently married and saved. Where you quoted Mark 10 involved the Pharisees, who considered themselves righteous and saved. There are so many situations that involve people, that you cannot use that as a blanket statement to everyone. What if someone that's not saved, then married, but later becomes saved, but his/her spouse isn't? What about someone who was married and divorced while unsaved, but becomes saved? Do they marry again. What you stated from the scriptures is true, but only applies to those who may have intentions of divorcing their spouses for ungodly reasons. May I ask, what is your individual situation?

I re-read your post, and understand that you applied your answer to the poll only. I apologize, but I don't want anyone else to be led to automatically applying your answer to their individual situation. Sry about that.

You were right the first time. You can't just address some scriptures to be for certain biblical figures. Whether you are saved or not saved Jesus' commandments on remarriage apply as you will notice that he says that from the beginning of creation it was intended that man and woman get married and no man can divorce/separate them. You will not find any of your reason found in what Jesus stated other than it was intended for man and woman to marry without divorce since the the creation. Jesus' reasons for divorce and remarriage is a blanket answer. I can leave my spouse for any reason under the sun, but I can only remarry if my spouse cheated on me or if they are dead. Anything outside of this is adding to it.

[Romans 14]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

You're only talking about situations in which a couple is currently married and saved. Where you quoted Mark 10 involved the Pharisees, who considered themselves righteous and saved. There are so many situations that involve people, that you cannot use that as a blanket statement to everyone. What if someone that's not saved, then married, but later becomes saved, but his/her spouse isn't? What about someone who was married and divorced while unsaved, but becomes saved? Do they marry again. What you stated from the scriptures is true, but only applies to those who may have intentions of divorcing their spouses for ungodly reasons. May I ask, what is your individual situation?

I re-read your post, and understand that you applied your answer to the poll only. I apologize, but I don't want anyone else to be led to automatically applying your answer to their individual situation. Sry about that.

You were right the first time. You can't just address some scriptures to be for certain biblical figures. Whether you are saved or not saved Jesus' commandments on remarriage apply as you will notice that he says that from the beginning of creation it was intended that man and woman get married and no man can divorce/separate them. You will not find any of your reason found in what Jesus stated other than it was intended for man and woman to marry without divorce since the the creation. Jesus' reasons for divorce and remarriage is a blanket answer. I can leave my spouse for any reason under the sun, but I can only remarry if my spouse cheated on me or if they are dead. Anything outside of this is adding to it.

Let's say if a man was married and divorced while being unsaved. If he re-marries after becoming saved,to someone else, does he go to hell?

Edited February 23, 2009 by Romans 14

[deut31:12]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

You're only talking about situations in which a couple is currently married and saved. Where you quoted Mark 10 involved the Pharisees, who considered themselves righteous and saved. There are so many situations that involve people, that you cannot use that as a blanket statement to everyone. What if someone that's not saved, then married, but later becomes saved, but his/her spouse isn't? What about someone who was married and divorced while unsaved, but becomes saved? Do they marry again. What you stated from the scriptures is true, but only applies to those who may have intentions of divorcing their spouses for ungodly reasons. May I ask, what is your individual situation?

I re-read your post, and understand that you applied your answer to the poll only. I apologize, but I don't want anyone else to be led to automatically applying your answer to their individual situation. Sry about that.

You were right the first time. You can't just address some scriptures to be for certain biblical figures. Whether you are saved or not saved Jesus' commandments on remarriage apply as you will notice that he says that from the beginning of creation it was intended that man and woman get married and no man can divorce/separate them. You will not find any of your reason found in what Jesus stated other than it was intended for man and woman to marry without divorce since the the creation. Jesus' reasons for divorce and remarriage is a blanket answer. I can leave my spouse for any reason under the sun, but I can only remarry if my spouse cheated on me or if they are dead. Anything outside of this is adding to it.

Let's say if a man was married and divorced while being unsaved. If he re-marries after becoming saved,to someone else, does he go to hell?

The point that you missing is that Jesus doesn't separate then like you are doing. Whether you commit a sin as a sinner or a Christian it is still a sin. What God looks at is what you do with it. The reason why we become Christians is because we have told God that we will surrender our own lives to live after his commandments and that includes that if we divorce and remarry save for the cause of fornication we are living in adultery and no adulterer will enter into heaven.

[Smalcald]

Many people who have committed adultery will be in heaven.