Dating

[AnnaMoodley]

hey everyone

I want to know what God's children think about dating. is it acceptable?

I have a little problem because i kinda have a crush on someone but i don't know if that's ok. i think it's wrong...what do you'll think?

[Guest man]

Did I just hear a can of worms open?

[browneyedgirl2]

I think IF you are man and woman and are both single I don't see anything wrong with it.... If you are of the same sex, or one of you is married then there's plenty wrong with it...

[Iryssa]

First of all, a HUGE caution:

People seem to have a lot of different definitions of what dating is. SO, before anyone jumps down anyone's throat based on a single definition of dating which the OP (or someone else) may not share, I think it would be a good idea to define exactly what one means by the word "dating."

For me, when I was "dating" it meant that I was in an exclusive romantic relationship with someone, with the goal of discovering whether my presumption that they may be a good marriage partner is correct. For me, this did not include sex, except for in one relationship (the bad one I always talk about here) where I compromised on all of these things I'm about to talk about. (I wanted to emphasize that part, because a lot of people immediately associate the word "dating" with sexual promiscuity) Some prefer to call it "courting," actually, and I do like that word better. This usually includes dinners with their family and mine together as a couple, getting to know eachother's friends better (though from those experiences I discovered that it was a lot easier to be with someone whose friends I was already friends with, and vice-versa), and spending one-on-one time together as a couple (your traditional dinner and movie dates, or even just going for walks together or whathaveyou) to get to know eachother better.

I personally don't have a problem with that definition of dating, but there are some precautions Christian couples MUST take even within that definition.

1. Never ever take it lightly. If you don't feel you could see yourself marrying this person, there really is no point in pursuing a romantic relationship with them, because the relationship will inevitably end, so you would just be setting yourself up for heartbreak down the road. This is completely unnecessary and not healthy.

2. Make sure the other person takes it as seriously as you do. For the same reason.

3. Do not put yourselves in compromising situations. For instance, being at home alone together for any longer than it takes to go to the bathroom and grab a coat is NOT a good idea. Trust me, hormones are SO powerful, you WILL want to go down the physical road, and it being a hormonal thing does not absolve anyone of responsability in that matter. It's just not worth it to put yourselves in a position that would cause guilt and heartbreak.

4. Nurture spiritual intimacy, not physical intimacy. As women, we CRAVE intimacy (and I think men do too, they're just not as likely to admit it ), and becoming physically intimate is the easy--and wrong--road to take in that respect. Spiritual intimacy is more difficult, but much more worthwhile. Pray together when you start your dates. Do a devotional together once a week. Go to church together and talk about the sermon afterwards, how you can apply it to your lives as a couple, etc.

5. Have accountability throughout your relationship. Find someone you trust--a spiritual leader or mentor to you--who will ask you how things are going, who will tell you the truth about how they see things are going, and to whom you can confess things when stuff goes wrong.

I know...I'm probably coming off all mom-like and like such a killjoy...but trust me when I say that I learned this stuff the hard way. To this day, I am still healing from a relationship gone bad, because I did not follow those guidelines. It's been a struggle for me in my relationship with my husband to get past the things that I did, and the someone hurt me (I'm talking emotional abuse type of hurt...I could have guarded my heart against it even starting if I'd followed those guidelines). There are still nights when I cry myself to sleep over the emotional struggles I'm still healing from. It's been a LONG LONG LONG road back in my relationship with God as well.

Anyway...that's my two cents.

[AnnaMoodley]

we're both single and i'm female and he's male but i feel dating is wrong...it's like he's my brother in the Lord. Plus i'm not sure what the Bible says about dating

[LIVN4JC]

I feel in my heart dating is fine and the way to get to know each other if you are single. Invite the Lord to be a part of the dating. Let Him be your guide... for in that you can't go wrong. Don't be unequally yoked. Praying for you and the other. Blessings.

[AnnaMoodley]

ah thank you so much Iryssa

i do have the same idea of dating as you. all physical stuff for after marriage:-) (for me that includes even just holding)

but does the Bible say anything about dating?...cos i don't think they dated back then so that's why i'm not sure

[AnnaMoodley]

I feel in my heart dating is fine and the way to get to know each other if you are single. Invite the Lord to be a part of the dating. Let Him be your guide... for in that you can't go wrong. Don't be unequally yoked. Praying for you and the other. Blessings.

thank you very much

[Floatingaxe]

Dating, the way the world does it is not something christians need to be doing at all.

I believe, as many do these days that as dating was never a biblical practice, that courting out of betrothal is.

For Christians:

You associate with people in groups, and within the group, you discover one who you wish to know more. That is done within the safety of the group. When it is discovered that there is a love relationship there, then any pairing is done in the group social settings. Not until a couple wish to openly declare a love relationship and commitment toward marriage, should the couple spend time alone. Engagement follows, etc!

We are not created to date many people in order to find "the one"! That is a worldly practice.

As believers, we put our trust in God to provide for us friends and a mate. He doesn't parade many before us. He sends one.

[AnnaMoodley]

we're both single and i'm female and he's male but i feel dating is wrong...it's like he's my brother in the Lord. Plus i'm not sure what the Bible says about dating

I dont think the Bible says anything about dating as the conecpt was not really around back then.

I like the definition given above and if you follow it I dont see how you could be doing anything wrong.

how is a person supposed to get to know another person and see if they are the right one for a life long relationship if they dont spend some time together.

that's true but like what if it should be that God tells us when it's time and who it is. My pastor and his wife didn't date...and a few other people i know. they just followed Gods instructions to propose and then the girl prayed about it and if she also felt that that's what God wants then they got married...they sought only God for the answer and did not rely on their own understanding of whether they'll be happy together...n now they are very happy together.