The Waters of Meribah

[nebula]

Do you mind if I ask what your chronic illnesses are? Understand if I should just mind my own business.

Not at all.

Sjogren's syndrome

Rheumatoid arthritis

Hypothyroidism

Hypoglycemia

[dcampsart]

Do you mind if I ask what your chronic illnesses are? Understand if I should just mind my own business.

Not at all.

Sjogren's syndrome

Rheumatoid arthritis

Hypothyroidism

Hypoglycemia

And I thought my illness was tough! What are your feelings about your suffering and your faith in the Lord? If you care to share.

[nebula]

My autoimmune diseases could be a consequence of my own self-hatred.

So, instead of focusing on praying for healing, I am trying to deal with my self-hatred problem . . . which is hard to do because to deal with it you have to want to love yourself . . . which is not what you want to do when you don't feel to great about yourself.

[sweet~lady]

The Holy Spirit gave you the courage to post this and I thank God for your authenticity! This really spoke to me and I just wanted to say tyvm for being obedient. May God richly bless you and lead you into ALL truth.

You are on the right track because The Word is your mainstay. amen.

[dcampsart]

My autoimmune diseases could be a consequence of my own self-hatred.

So, instead of focusing on praying for healing, I am trying to deal with my self-hatred problem . . . which is hard to do because to deal with it you have to want to love yourself . . . which is not what you want to do when you don't feel to great about yourself.

We may be on very common ground here nebula. Unless you would rather keep it to yourself, could you expound on your self-hatred issue?

I know I probe a lot.

[dcampsart]

The Holy Spirit gave you the courage to post this and I thank God for your authenticity! This really spoke to me and I just wanted to say tyvm for being obedient. May God richly bless you and lead you into ALL truth.

You are on the right track because The Word is your mainstay. amen.

Thank you sweet~lady for the reassurance

[nebula]

We may be on very common ground here nebula. Unless you would rather keep it to yourself, could you expound on your self-hatred issue?

Not a problem.

I was born into a dysfunctional (or nonfunctional, as my mom puts it) home. (I know, very common these days). I most likely had my psyche damaged in the womb - things between my parents were that painful even then. I have one parent who had a very, very short temper. I know now that it was insecurity-based, but it was still severe nonetheless. I was so hurt by this anger that I determined in my heart not to hurt others the way I had been hurt, if at all possible. So, when I felt angry, I tried to suppress it. Unfortunately, this meant I turned my anger inward. Without realizing it, I was basically beating myself up. And this was back when I was 5,6,7,8 years old.

There were other factors involved - being at the bottom of the totem poll at school for example. It just kept building upon my already fractured soul.

I didn't know it, but I developed chronic depression at a very early age. By the time I was in 7th grade (10-11 years old), I had fallen into a major depressive episode. (Note, I'm acknowledging this in hind-sight. It wasn't until about 8 years ago that I discovered this). This lasted for near a year. (And that's a long time to be suffering an MDE!)

The summer after, the Lord did a major healing in my life. I'd go into it, but that would take more time than I have this morning.

Unfortunately, the roots had not been dealt with - or did not have time to be dealt with. So, when situations distracted me from my focus on Jesus and keeping up with my spiritual pursuits (emotional instabilities ), the old shadows crept back in, and I fell back into the old pattern. My life has cycled like that.

Before I got really sick, I was involved in a fellowship that put me under a lot of condemnation, self- and otherwise. (I can say that I learned some valuable lesson from having gone through that experience, but it did pay a hard price.) But I cannot think of anything particularly that happened within the week that the first signs of RA developed.

Anyway, that's the gist of it.

[nebula]

The Holy Spirit gave you the courage to post this and I thank God for your authenticity! This really spoke to me and I just wanted to say tyvm for being obedient. May God richly bless you and lead you into ALL truth.

You are on the right track because The Word is your mainstay. amen.

I am glad you are being blessed by this.

[sweet~lady]

The Holy Spirit gave you the courage to post this and I thank God for your authenticity! This really spoke to me and I just wanted to say tyvm for being obedient. May God richly bless you and lead you into ALL truth.

You are on the right track because The Word is your mainstay. amen.

I am glad you are being blessed by this.

ummm.. did you guys take your discussion to pmland? I have been looking and hoping for further postings

[dcampsart]

The Holy Spirit gave you the courage to post this and I thank God for your authenticity! This really spoke to me and I just wanted to say tyvm for being obedient. May God richly bless you and lead you into ALL truth.

You are on the right track because The Word is your mainstay. amen.

I am glad you are being blessed by this.

ummm.. did you guys take your discussion to pmland? I have been looking and hoping for further postings

I'm sorry Nebula and Sweet~Lady. I got involved in other threads and simply neglected to come back here. I'll get back to this thread in a little while when I get home. I'm leaving work now...