Is Kissing Before Marriage Wrong?

[Rest is a weapon]

I would say that kissing is not wrong in the least before marriage. But I was at a wonderful wedding ceremony where the Pastor, marrying these two, paused just before the vows leading up to the "you can now kiss the bride". And he said that he found out during premarital counseling they had agreed to not kiss during their whole courtship. And that this was about to be their first kiss. The weight of that knowledge and the sense of electricity for all witnessing this first kiss, being a part of their wedding, made me wish I had done that same. I almost felt I'd missed out on something amazingly beautiful.

[Shiloh62]

A friend of mine sent me this quesion to ask here. She said she was in a discussion with other Christian singles recently and the subject of kissing came up. One person stated he felt kissing before marriage was as wrong as premarital sex. What do you think about it? I agree with my friend that Kissing is just a way for a dating man and woman to show affection to each other. Now we agree that you have to be careful not to put yourself into a situation where kissing leads to other things. But I'm not talking about going that far. I'm interested in your thoughts. We also agree that kissing on a first date with a stranger is not a good idea, but it it's someone that you've known a long time there isn't anything wrong with it...Thanks.

I never date strangers, but you can kiss people you know.

[Shiloh62]

Ok im going to sound like a harsh authoritarian here, simply because you cannot hear my voice and because Christians on the whole in this lukewarm age are misled and in much error about Gods ways.

Please hear the tenderness in my words, God is Holy. Not just in his standards but in all His conduct and requirements. He is most tender and knows the best paths for us to walk.

All physical touch between the sexes for the purpose of pleasure before marriage is harmful, and is a violation of the 7th commandment.

Now i know i cant and wont convince you by my mere words, and you will after all make up your own mind, but please hear me out.

Sin is of course pleasureable, it wouldnt be alluring if it wasnt. So please dont base your descision on wether it feels ok, or wether you seem to have gotten no ill side effects. You will not know till much later even till death or Christ` return that you had missed Gods best.

Seek God honestly for His voice about this very important understanding.

I myself had to learn the hard way, that dating is unscriptural and leads MANY, not ALL, into premarital sex.

So many Christian Adults and teens today are having premarital sex and then trying to cover it wiith marriage. The bible way is of betrothal by choice and not by touch. I hope you can see this. "Father open our hearts to your will in this matter and let none be misled, in Jesus Name, Amen.

You say dating is unscriptural. Are we supposed to marry someone we've never dated?

[Isaiah 6:8]

Here is my response

http://www.worthychristianforums.com/Chris...se-t116748.html

Shiloh I believe that you should not get involved in a relationship with the opposite sex at all until you are planning to marry.

For more on my thoughts that link provides it and other stories that should help.

[time-keeper]

i didn't know lust was a sin...does anyone care to explain?

anyway, what do you guys think about dating outside of your religion...at my church, they don't recomend it, but there must be a loop hole..no?

[Guest man]

i didn't know lust was a sin...does anyone care to explain?

Matthew 5

27

[Isaiah 6:8]

Also Let me say one thing. Lust is not only sexual.

"Lust is desiring anything that we can not rightly obtain"

Also Lust is selfish, and selfishness is the true opposite of Love. Hate is just fine as long as you hate the right things, such as sin, injustice, murder etc. God is love God is not selfish, God hates sin.

Also as far as kissing goes. We are designed for reproduction. There is a natural drive in us that makes us want to progress from the kiss to deeper kissing to more deeper and dangerous things if you are not in a marriage relationship. I have seen this time and time again, with many young and older people. I am a youth leader in my Church and have seen it there. Its is not wise! I would not kiss anyone else any differently then I would my brother, or my sister!

Here is what the Bible says about lust.

Murder Begins in the Heart

21

[Isaiah 6:8]

I have seen a lot of questions come up about dating, breaking up, etc. over here in Worthy, so I figured I would state my thoughts on this and pray it helps. For those of you that do not know me that well I am also a youth leader in my church and have worked for years with youth and college age kids. I have seen and heard a lot. I am also married for 6 years, which I know is not a long time but then again I am not that old, but not that young either!

It is my personal belief that the dating game and culture has caused a lot of unneeded pain, suffering, strife, confusion and sinful physical relationships. I have seen many many, Christians, looking for a spouse do this and get hurt. Mainly the younger ones though I have seen older ones as well do this. I have seen a lot of confusion on what the difference between dating and courtship is. Well I am going to explain it in ways I have heard it and the way I see it.

First of all Dating.. I have heard a lot of people, Christians, say this is the only way to find a spouse. Sort of try before you buy relationship, and how do you know how to relate with the opposite sex, unless you date? I have seen a lot of people only date for "fun" and nothing else. I have been told it is marriage training. I have also seen more then a few of these relationships descend into sexual immorality, broken hearts and even life long enemy's. I am only talking about the Christians on this. Non Christian dating tends to be worse, living together, and setting marriage aside altogether, as if it was a bad thing and with a divorce rate of about 50% I do not necessarily blame them.

Courtship. Now there is a word that is not seen much outside of religious circles now days. To many people this conjures up images of formal wear and chaperons every where you go to keep an eye on you. This used to be the case! This seems to stiff and formal to work in modern times, and how will you ever get to know someone if someone is looking over your shoulder all day long? There are so many people that put similar restrictions on courtship and try to make you feel it is the gospel law. It often times, when taught or pushed makes one feel condemned for even thinking of dating or doing outside of that to find your spouse. Some even think that you need to wait until God brings you the one with writing on the wall and a audible voice from heaven confirming that this is His will. No wonder so many people are pushed away from this as an ideal. Not to mention the idea of gaining the parents permission to even start to seeking a relationship, yikes how scary is that?

So whats does a young single Christian desiring a mate do in todays world? Well at least in the westernized world, as there are still many arranged marriages going on around the world! Well here is my view I will start with dating.

In my opinion dating is a game. It is often called that and so I believe it is. I do not believe that it trains you in proper relationships with the opposite sex, I do not believe it is training for marriage and I do not believe that it is the only, or best way to find a spouse. I have listed a lot of the dangers already. I firmly believe that dating does not teach you how to marry, but it teach you how to divorce. As such I also believe it is a direct attack on the family. I know these are strong words. Here is why I say it. First reason, at the turn of the century the divorce rate was only 10% I have heard of many reasons for this, and the change that has happened to cause this. I have my own opinion on this, and it is just that. I have been unable to find much hard evidence per say but I did noticed a trend. In the 1900's mostly during the first 15 years, you did not have dating like we have it now. You did not seek a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, unless you were ready to get married. As time went on, more and more people started dating or going out, not to find a spouse but to have some fun, or a fling. The age of starting romantic relationships has dropped while the marriage age has risen. Also on the rise, teen pregnancy, S.T.D.'S, Single parent homes etc. I do not think that this all has to do with dating but I believe that it has not helped. You see dating teaches you that you can be in a relationship, and when things get rocky, you can just break up. Yes it hurts, but there are always other fish in the sea, etc. So you date, break up, date break up, date break up, get married, break up, but then you may have kids, and certainly money tied up in the deal.

As for teaching you how to relate to the opposite sex? I don't think so. I know many people that cannot have any level of friendship with the opposite sex, due to dating. The only relationship they have ever had, outside of childhood with the opposite sex has mainly been romantically driven. I have had people say, well its the only way to get to know the person. Again here I think the evidence speaks for itself. People in a dating situation, at least at first have their best foot forward. How many people will spend an hour getting ready, every hair perfect, teeth brushed and best attitude just before a date? This is not the real every day person, just the mask the person wants you to see. I have seen people marry the mask, and when the real person shows up behind it, thats it, its over I cannot believe I married this person, look a what they look like with out makeup, wow this is what its like when they are sick and throwing up, no good, good bye.

Also even one of the most um, descriptive books on relationship in the Bible, "Song of Solomon, or Song of Songs" says I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases." twice and once more for effect with out the mentioning of the gazelles. It seems to me a warning about jumping into a relationship with out being ready. Also this speaks into part of the design of marriage. God created marriage for a few things, one is clearly to produce children. So when you enter a relationship and awaken feelings, and desires, the drive to head towards reproduction is strong. Its there because God put it in us. We all know it, thats why the progression of hand holding, to hugging, to kissing, to necking and further. Its built in. We are made for relationship, and the ideal of that relationship is marriage. This is another reason that dating is dangerous, especially to a Christian. Not to mention the emotional bonds that are formed that can haunt a marriage years after the fact, even if you were not physically involved. I have had quite a more then a few fights with my wife on such issues, and even with a girl that I never dated, but I gave my heart to her with her unknowing about it.

So After this, is there a better alternative? Does God have a higher standard? If so, what is it? Is it courtship with all the rules and regulations? Is it him speaking audibly to me? What is it?

First off the "easy" one. I do not believe that God only has one perfect person, and we had better pray that we find that "chosen one" now if you are a staunch Calvinist, you will disagree but we will not go there. There is only one time in the Bible where God commanded someone to be married. That was Hosea, and he was told to marry an adulterous prostitute who refused to give up her prostitution, and this was as a sign to the people who were doing the same to the Lord. Now if you really want to wait for God to command you who to marry, you may not be happy with the result. The other times when God intervened in relationships, it was only because he was asked by people seeking him in faith. To note not one of them dated, they went from, wow we just met to married almost overnight. I believe we have a choice in the matter. Like all choices this could be a good or a bad choice.

Courtship, well that is quite a difficult one. What is it, how do you do it, and if there are rules, what are they? Well to some there are rules. Like seeking the parents permission first, and having chaperons. I tend to disagree with the formality's. Yes its good to have the parents blessing. If they are Godly it helps, as they may have some wisdom to impart as well. I personally did this as a sign of respect with the handful of girls I had wanted to court. I do not think its a requirement but it does help keep things smoother! In my eyes, you can court, very much like you would date. You hang out together, do things together etc, but the big difference is this. You do not do it until you feel you are ready to be married. I do not think you should start relationships with no intention of marriage. In my mind this means you are simply dating someone else's spouse for the sheer fun of it. You also should have some accountability with someone you trust, your pastor, your parents, your accountability partner etc. I would also avoid spending time alone together in remote places where there is no one else around, this can lead to compromising situations. Of course keep the Lord at the head of the relationship, and spend time in prayer about it. Remember courtship from anyones point of view is a journey to marriage, so keep this as a clear goal. Not that this always works, but you can limit your heartache with this, also having the accountability in place helps. It sure helped me on my journey.

As for my story, In a nutshell. I never dated. I learned how to treat girls from my friends that were girls, and took mental notes. I was able to have good friendships with girls that did not cross any boundaries. I did start a relationship, with out fully bouncing it off my accountability, and not heeding the warnings of others that I was accountable with, and I was serious about marriage, I told her that on my first "Date" ever. She how ever was playing the game and broke it off with me a week later and broke my heart. God had before then showed me, (not that I listened all that well) that I had put the idea of a relationship, over him and it had become the idol in my life. A few months later, I was talking with a friend of mine that I had known for a few years, and realized that she was interested in me, and I her. This time we talked about things before we even started any form of further relationship, and spent a few months out of contact praying about it. When then started the relationship in September, we were engaged in December, and married the following October.I was not playing games I was serious. We have been married for 6 years now! I am her first and only boyfriend, We are each others first kiss. I don't think that it was a God spoke thing but she is truly a Proverbs 31 women, and I have been blessed.

So in a very large nutshell those are my thoughts! Your thoughts all.

-Isaiah-

[~candice~]

i didn't know lust was a sin...does anyone care to explain?

anyway, what do you guys think about dating outside of your religion...at my church, they don't recomend it, but there must be a loop hole..no?

There is no loop hole, Christians are not to date or marry non-Christians.

2Co 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? And what partnership does light have with darkness?

[time-keeper]

i didn't know lust was a sin...does anyone care to explain?

anyway, what do you guys think about dating outside of your religion...at my church, they don't recomend it, but there must be a loop hole..no?

There is no loop hole, Christians are not to date or marry non-Christians.

2Co 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? And what partnership does light have with darkness?

Thank you, i appreciate it. Now let's hope that i don't fall for anyone, not of my religion anymore. Christian dating web-site anyone? lol. i kid, i kid.