Ministry to the Grieving

[Ddavid from NC]

I lost my mother to lung cancer 1 week before Thansgiving last year. My father who is 70 and an amputee with other health issues is living by himself 65 miles away. He doesn't seem open to relocating to where I am at now for several different reasons. He is in a small but caring church with a bi-vocational pastor. He is retired and otherwise without a hobby and does not have much to do with his time. He is a very quick to be overcome with emotions. He doesn't have a lot of faith in the counselors available, So the result of this I am often having to drop what I am doing an hour and half away to tend to the crisis of the week emotionally or physically. He is relatively secure financially and has no financial reason to break up housekeeping and move in with my wife and I. So I have no leverage with insisting that he make some decisions. What in your opinion is the right approach patience or some proactive action?

[Believer1997]

I lost my mother to lung cancer 1 week before Thansgiving last year. My father who is 70 and an amputee with other health issues is living by himself 65 miles away. He doesn't seem open to relocating to where I am at now for several different reasons. He is in a small but caring church with a bi-vocational pastor. He is retired and otherwise without a hobby and does not have much to do with his time. He is a very quick to be overcome with emotions. He doesn't have a lot of faith in the counselors available, So the result of this I am often having to drop what I am doing an hour and half away to tend to the crisis of the week emotionally or physically. He is relatively secure financially and has no financial reason to break up housekeeping and move in with my wife and I. So I have no leverage with insisting that he make some decisions. What in your opinion is the right approach patience or some proactive action?

I've been in this situation. I'm sure he misses your mother terribly. I'm glad he has his church. I think all you can do is to encourage him to have some other interests. Does he like to read or watch documentaries? Are there any activities at church he can participate in? Does he have a computer (my Mamma was 70 when she got her first one and loved it!!). Lastly, do you have any siblings or other family members that can help pick up some of the slack? Be patient - and pray. God Bless you - you sound like a good son!

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

I don't know the answer. I do think he is probably wanting to stay in the same place as the memories he has there and familiar surroundings or other reasons maybe. Only God knows. But, may God bless you for honoring and helping your father and do pray fervently for him (and with him) and give all the love you can.

With prayers also,

elkie

[Ddavid from NC]

I lost my mother to lung cancer 1 week before Thansgiving last year. My father who is 70 and an amputee with other health issues is living by himself 65 miles away. He doesn't seem open to relocating to where I am at now for several different reasons. He is in a small but caring church with a bi-vocational pastor. He is retired and otherwise without a hobby and does not have much to do with his time. He is a very quick to be overcome with emotions. He doesn't have a lot of faith in the counselors available, So the result of this I am often having to drop what I am doing an hour and half away to tend to the crisis of the week emotionally or physically. He is relatively secure financially and has no financial reason to break up housekeeping and move in with my wife and I. So I have no leverage with insisting that he make some decisions. What in your opinion is the right approach patience or some proactive action?

I've been in this situation. I'm sure he misses your mother terribly. I'm glad he has his church. I think all you can do is to encourage him to have some other interests. Does he like to read or watch documentaries? Are there any activities at church he can participate in? Does he have a computer (my Mamma was 70 when she got her first one and loved it!!). Lastly, do you have any siblings or other family members that can help pick up some of the slack? Be patient - and pray. God Bless you - you sound like a good son!

He is dyslexic and intimidated by computers. I am an only child. Two factors that do make it more difficult. I connected him wioth some guys I knew in his community who gather for breakfast every morning. He has been faithful to that for 2 months now. But that takes him from 6-9am and then he has the rest of the day to be spent. This morning I realized momma's birthday would have been this Saturday. So I have an evening planned at my house with dinner out, a bluegrass concert (music he likes) and church Sunday morning where I pastor. He hasn't heard me preach since I relocated a year ago.

[traveller]

Perhaps you could have a heart to heart with him about how it would benefit not only him, but you to have him closer to you. If you stress how it could help you and how he is wanted there, that he would give it more thought.

Perhaps he is afraid of intruding.

[Believer1997]

I lost my mother to lung cancer 1 week before Thansgiving last year. My father who is 70 and an amputee with other health issues is living by himself 65 miles away. He doesn't seem open to relocating to where I am at now for several different reasons. He is in a small but caring church with a bi-vocational pastor. He is retired and otherwise without a hobby and does not have much to do with his time. He is a very quick to be overcome with emotions. He doesn't have a lot of faith in the counselors available, So the result of this I am often having to drop what I am doing an hour and half away to tend to the crisis of the week emotionally or physically. He is relatively secure financially and has no financial reason to break up housekeeping and move in with my wife and I. So I have no leverage with insisting that he make some decisions. What in your opinion is the right approach patience or some proactive action?

I've been in this situation. I'm sure he misses your mother terribly. I'm glad he has his church. I think all you can do is to encourage him to have some other interests. Does he like to read or watch documentaries? Are there any activities at church he can participate in? Does he have a computer (my Mamma was 70 when she got her first one and loved it!!). Lastly, do you have any siblings or other family members that can help pick up some of the slack? Be patient - and pray. God Bless you - you sound like a good son!

He is dyslexic and intimidated by computers. I am an only child. Two factors that do make it more difficult. I connected him wioth some guys I knew in his community who gather for breakfast every morning. He has been faithful to that for 2 months now. But that takes him from 6-9am and then he has the rest of the day to be spent. This morning I realized momma's birthday would have been this Saturday. So I have an evening planned at my house with dinner out, a bluegrass concert (music he likes) and church Sunday morning where I pastor. He hasn't heard me preach since I relocated a year ago.

Wow David - I will keep your family in my heart and in my prayers. I wish he lived closer - it would be helpful to you and to him. Maybe that is the answer. God Bless!!

[Trusting Jesus]

I was in a similar situation with my grandfather. It sounds as if your father is able to get out and do things, but just might need encouragement. Is there a Senior Center near him? The groups I have known about are very active. They have Bingo night, and dinners, and taking tour buses various places. Also, has he considered a part-time job? I know you said he is an amputee, but could he do something like a greeter at Wal-Mart? Could he do work around the church that might fill in his time? Those are a few suggestions.

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Nathele

[Ddavid from NC]

I was in a similar situation with my grandfather. It sounds as if your father is able to get out and do things, but just might need encouragement. Is there a Senior Center near him? The groups I have known about are very active. They have Bingo night, and dinners, and taking tour buses various places. Also, has he considered a part-time job? I know you said he is an amputee, but could he do something like a greeter at Wal-Mart? Could he do work around the church that might fill in his time? Those are a few suggestions.

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Nathele

The Senior Center might be a possibility, but he rejects the idea of a part time job pretty quickly. He quickly notes he is not able to stand more than 10 minutes at a time (stamina). He really suffers from a lack of self-confidence. He has been forcibly retired for the last 20 years and my mother was a home body. So he has been sitting in that recliner for the last 20 years and around my mother 24/7. So, there is no normality to return. So, he is having to rethink life completely. Ironically, he can't stand isolation, but he has limited interest. He loves to go to Bible study, but there are only so many of those opportunities.

[GloryToGod!]

My son's g/f 23 yr old lost her mother to a long fight with cancer. This poor gal barely has any living relatives, her father died when she was very little. What my husband, son and I have found out is that the loss of a loved one is devastating for the only surviving person. She has been grieving since last Fall. It just takes time for healing to come. You can lavish all your love on your father...but it will just take time especially since they have been together for such a long time. I pray for God's healing touch upon your father.