Would you?

[Blien]

Would you date someone who was married and has a child? The child is 15 months old, Fyi... think about this question though, if you've never been married. Because I haven't! And to me.. this seems like something that would not please God. Yet when I asked in prayer for God to deliver me a companion, well... she showed up. And she has made it known she likes me. (I'm turning 27 btw)

I would need to know more details about her situation. Is she divorced?

Hi EricH I already answered the question. Yes she is divorced..

[Wrench]

Would you date someone who was married and has a child? The child is 15 months old, Fyi... think about this question though, if you've never been married. Because I haven't! And to me.. this seems like something that would not please God. Yet when I asked in prayer for God to deliver me a companion, well... she showed up. And she has made it known she likes me. (I'm turning 27 btw)

Sometimes when you are aching for a relationship anyone seems like the right one. But, the fact that you even bothered to ask that question gives you your answer.

You should look up the definition of adultery.

Mathew 5:32

But I say to you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery.

It's covetousness.

Now think logically, If this person divorces her husband and goes for you, what kind of person do you think she'll be in your marriage? Think she'll be faithfull? Would you trust her?

She has a child with this man. Why would you consider breaking up the family to suit your own desires? Even if the marriage is on the brink of destruction, why would you choose to be the instrument of the final severing of the bond?

Proverbs 6:26For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.

If you date this married woman and her husband finds out, wouldn't he hunt you down? None of the reprecussions are worth what you are considering.

[Wrench]

ok, i'm jumping in, but i absolutely refuse to get into some argument with those who will disagree with me, and i know there will be many.

first of all, if you are of the belief that if you were to eventually marry her, you'd be causing her to commit adultery, let me point out that there are biblical exceptions. you don't know (apparently) if she filed for divorce or her ex husband filed, or whether she had biblical grounds for divorcing.

secondly, i don't know if you have asked or or not, but if she has REPENTED, then her sin of divorce is forgiven. i know that there are many who totally disregard the scripture (and i don't have it handy at this second) that says "if you are bound, seek not to be loosed... if you are loosed, seek not to be bound, but and if you should marry, you have not sinned." yep, scripture says it right there. if you are loosed (from the bounds of marriage) and choose to marry, you have not sinned. why is this, given that there are so many seemingly contradictory verses? because once you have repented, you have been forgiven, and can not be punished for something you are forgiven for.

people often put God in a box. now you'll have to forgive me if i respond as if you were asking about marriage instead of dating, because i'm assuming that you feel that dating is pointless if it's not someone you might want to later marry. there is a tiny little girl who no longer has a father figure in her home, and may not be a good father figure in any sense of the word. and that tiny little baby may be exactly what God has brought her into your life for.

i am divorced. i was the one that filed for divorce, and adultery was something that both my ex and myself were guilty of. but i (eventually) repented of my sins, and then even further down the road, considered finding a life partner. now, my personal preferences were 1) a man who had no history of substance abuse, 2) a man who had been completely free of any relationship (marriage or serious dating) for AT LEAST a full year, and 3) a man who was spiritually stronger than i was.

but when i decided to start looking, i didn't ask for God to bring me any of those things. i figured i wasn't too good at finding mr. right on my own. so at the end of november of 98, i prayed instead that God would bring me the very best he had for me and my children... and the only specific that i added was that God would bring him to me by spring... the month of may to be exact.

and on the last day of may, enter the man who has now been my husband for ten years. he was an addict struggling to stay clean, and his divorce wasn't even final yet. the irony is that at the end of november, he had filed for divorce... because he was trying to get clean and his wife at the time was unwilling to get clean with him, and kept luring him back into drugs. and for a while i wondered why on earth God would bring HIM into my life? but i have no doubt that God orchestrated it according to His will.

we haven't always had an easy marriage, and his struggle with addiction continues even to this day (he is clean now, but that could change in an instant.) but through it all, God has given me this amazing unconditional love for him that i had never experienced before in my life. and it wasn't long after we married that God started revealing His purpose, His reasons for having brought us together.

so don't put God in that neat little box. get on your knees and pray for God to make it undeniably clear to you one way or another whether He has brought this woman into your life for a reason that may include marriage. don't rely on my response or anyone else's response. this is something that you HAVE to rely ONLY on God to answer. and when you have that answer, you will have peace about your decision and know it is from God, whether that decision is to date her or not.

I think the verse you're looking for is 1 Corinthians 7

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

10 And to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which has an husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace. 16 For what know you, O wife, whether you shall save your husband? or how know you, O man, whether you shall save your wife?

The rest of it is also in 1 Corinthians right below that., about being in bondage,,,,,,Some manuscripts use the word slave or bond servant or something similar. This is from the American King James (or NKJ)

21 Are you called being a servant? care not for it: but if you may be made free, use it rather. 22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. 23 You are bought with a price; be not you the servants of men. 24 Brothers, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

As for judging anyone, Well, that's between you and the Lord, but as for a guideline of what to do, I think the word of God speaks for itself and no need to argue as you so wisely stated you will not do. And I mean that last part out of respect and not to be taken snidely (as online it's hard to tell sometimes)

Blessings to you

[Guest LadyC]

thanks for recognizing the wisdom of my statement that i wouldn't argue

the scripture i was referring to isn't actually what you posted, but it's in that same chapter. someone else posted it for me somewhere up above, though.

oh, and if you'll read the rest of blien's posts, he clarified that the girl is already divorced. it's not clear whether the divorce was of her own choosing or not.

[Guest man]

You should look up the definition of adultery.

It's covetousness.

Now think logically, If this person divorces her husband and goes for you, what kind of person do you think she'll be in your marriage? Think she'll be faithfull? Would you trust her?

She has a child with this man. Why would you consider breaking up the family to suit your own desires? Even if the marriage is on the brink of destruction, why would you choose to be the instrument of the final severing of the bond?

If you date this married woman and her husband finds out, wouldn't he hunt you down? None of the reprecussions are worth what you are considering.

You should look up at post 21.

Just a thought.

[Blien]

Now think logically, If this person divorces her husband and goes for you, what kind of person do you think she'll be in your marriage? Think she'll be faithfull? Would you trust her?

She has a child with this man. Why would you consider breaking up the family to suit your own desires? Even if the marriage is on the brink of destruction, why would you choose to be the instrument of the final severing of the bond?

Don't put words in my mouth bro. I am not breaking up their marriage. It was already broken and they are official divorced. They haven't been together since September 2008.

[Wrench]

Now think logically, If this person divorces her husband and goes for you, what kind of person do you think she'll be in your marriage? Think she'll be faithfull? Would you trust her?

She has a child with this man. Why would you consider breaking up the family to suit your own desires? Even if the marriage is on the brink of destruction, why would you choose to be the instrument of the final severing of the bond?

Don't put words in my mouth bro. I am not breaking up their marriage. It was already broken and they are official divorced. They haven't been together since September 2008.

I wasn't. I posted this from the OP. Sorry I didn't see your post about them already being divorced. But, I decided to let my posts stand unedited for someone else that might be considering the same thing. I should've made clear after I found out more info,,

However you choose to move on this situation, I would still consider the word of God and find the reasons for their divorce before persuing it. To me that's the honorable thing to do.

[Fez]

I live under the (personal) assumption that if a thing feels wrong, it probably is.

How does this situation feel to you, good, exciting, bad, tempting?

The most obvious answer, regardless if we like it or not, is usually the right one. No judgement at all here, you know what you really feel.

[Blien]

I live under the (personal) assumption that if a thing feels wrong, it probably is.

How does this situation feel to you, good, exciting, bad, tempting?

The most obvious answer, regardless if we like it or not, is usually the right one. No judgment at all here, you know what you really feel.

Alot can be said for that statement. How did Eve feel in the garden about the apple when the serpent told her that the apple will make her like God? (Which is not a bad thing except that God said she wasn't to eat of that tree).

As the scriptures say, the heart is deceptively sick who can know it? I dont follow my emotions but rather what I think God is telling me. My heart says yes, but I'm still unsure about what God says, I need to pray. I keep forgetting.

[Guest man]

Does she believe in God?

If she doesn't, what are her thoughts on the subject?

If she flat out rejects it, I would think twice about having any kind of emotional relationship with her.....at this time.

Just a thought.